You Don't Have To Want To [Ep. 67]

This is the Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well podcast. I'm Lisa Salsbury, and this is episode 67. You don't have to want to.

Welcome to Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well; the podcast for women who want to lose weight, but are tired of counting and calculating all the food. I'm your host, Lisa Salsbury. I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach, and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter. I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry, instead of worrying so much about what you are eating.

Hi friends. Happy November. Hope you had a fun Halloween last night. I want to start by saying thank you to those that have left reviews for the podcast. Recently, they really warmed my heart. I have to say I've also gotten a few DMS on Instagram, letting me know the podcast is really helping them. And I just. I want you to kind of think about that. If this is how good my free stuff is, imagine. What I can do for you in a one-on-one coaching session. Imagine how much more specific I can get when it's just you and me. And I'm all in on what's going on in your life. So here's something that women tell me all the time. They tell me, I just want to eat whatever I want. Lots of women say that to me, you know, I just wish I could eat whatever I want, but what they mean is I want to eat cookies and ice cream and popcorn. Without gaining weight. But they forget. They also mean they want to eat these things without my body feeling like garbage. Because there are consequences to overeating the, have nothing to do with weight gain. Feeling physically sluggish, bloated, overly full those things inhibit your life. So when we say this, I just want to eat whatever I want. We mean, I wish there wasn't any consequences to my actions. I wish I could walk out of Nordstrom with the new shoes I want on my feet without pain. But I know there are consequences to that. Obviously, there are a plethora of things we all wish we could do that. Didn't have consequences spending money. We wish we could buy whatever we wanted wasting time. We wish there weren't so many responsibilities and people depending on us to do things so that we could just binge watch Schitt's Creek all day long and overeating. We just wish that our bodies behaved differently. This is all to say that food is not the only thing that we wished was different. I like to compare our eating habits to things we would never do. Like walk out of Nordstrom with a new pair of shoes on our feet. How can you think about the way you eat in the similar way to that something that you would never think to do, but you kind of maybe wish a little bit that you could. Of course when I'm having this discussion about wanting or mostly not wanting to, like, I just didn't want to eat what I had planned, or I didn't want to make the plan, or I didn't want to stop eating when I had had enough. I often respond with my children's least favorite phrase from their childhood. You don't have to want to. You just have to do it. They used to tell me they didn't want to unload the dishwasher or clean their rooms. And I said, no problem. That's fine. You don't have to want to. You just have to do it. They did not like this very much as you can imagine. And this past week with a client, I realized she didn't like it very much either because I said that to her. Primarily though, because she didn't really understand what I meant. And so we really got into this a little bit and I wanted to share some of that conversation with you today. Here's what I told her. Your brain has two parts when it comes to your thoughts, the lower brain, that is your automatic habit brain. Also known here on the podcast as the toddler brain. And then you have your higher brain, which is your human part that can think ahead and make decisions based on future plans. Remember, your lower brain cannot think about the future in the same way that the higher brain can. When I say you're never going to want to, or it's okay if you don't want to, because sometimes I say, it's fine. You're never going to want to follow your plan. You just have to do it anyway. What I'm talking about is your lower brain, that lower toddler part of your brain is usually going to throw a tantrum. When we are asking ourselves to do hard things, to put our fork down in the middle of a delicious pasta meal to say, no, thank you to an additional slice of pie or to skip the afternoon snacks. When you truly aren't hungry for these things. That toddler brain is like, excuse me. Do you want me to start? There's food available and you weren't going to eat it. Do you know what is going to happen tomorrow? No, no, you don't because there might be a famine or a storm and we won't be able to gather food. So you just best fill up now because the world is an unpredictable place, plus it feels good up here in the brain with all this dopamine. Whoa. Does your lower brain sound like that? I mean, probably not those exact words because that's all sort of built into your DNA, obviously. You're not consciously thinking about being a hunter gatherer. But your brain is worried about food being scarce. It really is. What she really says in words is this is delicious. Let's keep eating. There's just a bit left and we hardly ever get this, just finish it off. Right. She's much more conniving and convincing. And this is where you tell me, I don't want to do that. I don't want to stop. I don't want to pick the vegetable side dish. I don't want to prioritize protein. I don't want to stop eating sugar after every meal. And work. I tell you no problem. You don't have to want to, you just have to do it. From your higher brain. Your lower brain hates change. Let's just, let's just accept that fact for efficiency sake, you delegate as much as possible down there to get done on habit. So things like cleaning your plate is a habit. Getting seconds as a habit, dishing up three tacos is a habit using the blue bowl for cereal is a habit. All these things that keep you eating the exact same amount. You've always eaten our habits. And when you decide, Hey, I think I'm going to pay attention to what my body is telling me and stop when I've had enough. Even if that means there's still food on the plate. That's going to be a big problem for this habit. Part of the brain. She's not gonna want to do that. That's where your higher human part comes in. And not like the mean mother-in-law bossing y'all around, but like the gentle best friend. You're going to talk nicely to yourself. If I could hear inside your head, I don't want to hear anything, like put your fork down now you'd dummy, you know, you're full, you'll just stay fat forever. If you don't get this right. Like. None of that. None of that. I don't want to hear, you know, better than to keep eating. Or you always get this wrong. None of that. I think it was Corinne Crabtree that said when you need a break, like in quotes, need a break from weight loss. What you actually need a break from. Is talking to yourself like an ass. And that is a quote because that's how Curran talks. And that's the problem, but we need a break from when we say we don't want to do these things is listening to ourselves. Talk like this. What I want you to say is what you would consider saying to your best friend. If that friend asked you to coach her or him to be on the lookout for you. Don't coach your friends or give eating advice to people that haven't asked you or without their consent. But she might say, Hey friend, it looks like your stomach is actually feeling pretty good. Right now might be a good time to consider putting your fork down. Take a deep breath check in and see how you feel. All right. We're not bossing. We're not getting all mad. We're not talking about how we failed in the past. It's just like how you feeling. Let's check in. She might say, I know more food sounds appealing right now. But I know best because this is your higher brain talking. I know best. And in a few minutes, you're going to feel much more full than you do right now. But don't you give your body a minute to catch up. She might say, I know it feels hard to stop eating because it's so delicious. I know you don't want to, but we're going to, because in a few hours we're going to go to sleep and we don't want to feel overly full then. Or because this is a dessert night and I want to eat that too. Or because my weight loss goals are important and valuable. It doesn't have to be complicated. You just need to be eating from a conscious place, which means your higher brain is involved. Your lower brain is going to throw that fit. Just count on it. Your lower brain is not going to want to. And that's okay. She doesn't have to want to, you just have to stay the course of your goals with your higher brain. This is how we do things we don't really want to do. in everything in our life, this is actually how we do it. We just, aren't thinking about it as much as we do with food. Because we have that higher brain that looks out for the greater good in our lives. We have the human part of our brain that keeps us generally acting like adults. This is the part that can look into the future. And make plans and decisions from that future self and for the greater good of that future self. The last thing I'll say on this. Is really stop telling yourself you want to eat whatever you want. That's not really true. Get clear on what you really want in your life. Get clear on all the amazing things you want and stop. Letting food be the thing that provides the most entertainment. And or comfort for you. Do you want longevity with your health span, matching your lifespan? Do you want to be able to move your body in all the ways that you love, like hiking and biking and surfing and roller skating and all of the non-exercise things that we do. Do you want to be with your family wherever they are and not be stuck by your physical limitations? Do you want to be as healthy as possible so you can travel the world. Clear on these things on what your true wants and desires are, because I guarantee you. When you really get down to it, you probably will not list. I want to eat a dozen cupcakes a day that does not hold a candle to all of the other amazing things you could be doing with your life. What you eat can surely bring joy. I absolutely enjoy my food, but I don't lie to myself and say, my life would be better if I could eat 10 times the amount that I typically do. Food is not my only source of joy. And that is a really important. Lastly, don't forget. I have a few spots left in my get unstuck sessions. They have been really good. I've had people come with data and notes and it's been amazing to be able to help people. That thought there was for sure something wrong with what they were eating or the timing or their hormones. In every case, those things were not the problem. So if you are stuck, Or just not quite sure where to go. From where you're at, or maybe you're feeling stuck as the holidays approach. And you're not sure how to get through them. Be sure to get one of those sessions booked for yourself before they go away. I am probably not going to have time to do them in December. So I will extend a few more openings. As much as I can, but the availability is limited. So if you can't find a spot that you like email me with some times that work for you and I'll see what I can do. As always. Thanks for listening today to the eat. Well think, well live well podcast.