Back to Basics: Cravings and What to Do With Them [Ep 65]

This is the Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well podcast. I'm Lisa Saulsbury, and this is episode 65 back to basics. Cravings and what to do with them

Welcome to Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well; the podcast for women who want to lose weight, but are tired of counting and calculating all the food. I'm your host, Lisa Salsbury. I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach, and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter. I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry, instead of worrying so much about what you are eating.

Hey, everyone. Back with you with another back to basics episode. I hope that you are getting a lot out of these, especially those of you that did not listen back when I first started the podcast, I know it's always good. Like I said, for a review. But especially for those that have never heard these concept, I hope that this is really helping you lay the foundation for some of the things you've probably heard me talk about just in passing. So today we're going to be talking about cravings. I think this is probably the most important topic for a lot of my clients, because it's the thing that gets them really stuck the most in overeating is what they call cravings. Before we jump into that, I want to remind you that I do have those free get unstuck sessions I'm doing this month. So I know the availability is a little bit limited and I apologize ahead of time for that. If you are not finding something that works for your schedule, honestly, and I really. Really mean this, please feel free to send me an email and say, Hey, here are some times that I can make work. What have you got? And we will find a time for you. So I know it's really limited in there. And once all 10 get scheduled, they will go away because I am only doing 10 of those. But if you are listening to the podcast and you have not lost your first five pounds, just by the tools I'm giving you for free, it is time for me to take a look and see what's going on. I want you to get unstuck and that's why I am doing these free. Free sessions. So let's jump into today's episode and start with defining a craving. I define a craving as an intense desire caused by your thinking. This is an emotion or a feeling, depending on which word you like. And we can have cravings actually for lots of things, shopping, gambling, sex, exercise. But today we're just going to stick with cravings as they relate to food. A lot of times we think that cravings are more dependent on the situation. Like, well, I saw a donut and then I had this craving. So rather than thinking that cravings are caused by your thinking, a lot of times you might believe that cravings are caused by your situation. And that would be a circumstance and the model that I teach, but it is really not the donut or the cookie that is sitting there. That is the problem. It's the thought that you have about it. Because if it were a shrimp cocktail sitting there on the table for free, I would just be able to walk right past it. And not have any thought except for gross. Right? If it's something you do not enjoy. You're not going to have a desire for it. So that's why we know that these cravings are caused by your thinking. So usually when we have a craving, we are wanting to eat something that we aren't physically hungry for. That's typically what people describe. I also though use the word urge interchangeably with craving. So just in case I do that here in the podcast, you'll know what I'm talking about, but sometimes I do prefer that word urge because it's a little more broad than a craving because it also encompasses the desire for say, like having seconds. Not just the desire to eat a sweet or salty item when you're bored or sad or confused or tired or frustrated all those times. And when I'm talking about the desire to have seconds here as a craving or urge, I use that word seconds and kind of air quotes, because what I'm talking about there is when we've gotten to that positive three on the hunger scale, that enough feeling. Then anything after that, any eating that happens after that point? Would be considered a craving or an urge. It's a desire to have more food beyond our physical hunger. So I just call it seconds because often we dish up what we think is probably the amount that will fill us to enough. And then we're like, that was delicious. I think I'll have more. Other times it can just be the rest of the food on the plate is getting us to our, beyond our three or four, but it's just kind of an easy term to use the word seconds. I think that the word urge really encompasses this situation. Well, because craving sometimes make us think of wanting to eat something sweet or salty. When we aren't currently eating. Urge can be the push to just continue eating more when we are already eating. So when we talk about cravings, especially to each other, as women, we often say like, we just couldn't help it. We feel sort of out of control around food, like we're eating against our will. I remember one time being in the gym a few years ago, and I was stretching next to some women and we were talking and one gal was saying, You know, I buy bread for my kids' sandwiches. So there it is on the counter. And I mean, how do I not eat the bread? And I really did feel for this woman. I did not jump in and start coaching her just in case you're worried. I just smiled and nodded. But she really thought her only choice was to eat the bread because it was there. She didn't have any other option, but to give in to her craving. We haven't talked about bread or cookies or chips. And it's like, well, it was there. Like I had to eat it. I have this other client and she would tell me, well, I made cupcakes this weekend, but I didn't want to eat the rest. So I just threw them away. And again, that felt like her only choice. She was thinking I can't have them in the house or I absolutely will eat them. Incidentally, this made her family kind of mad. But that was what she felt like her only solution was. These two examples of either I have to eat it because it's there. Or I just have to throw it away. Seem to sometimes be our only options. When cravings are really strong, it feels like the food is in charge of the decisions. We check out mentally and just let the food, tell us how much to eat. And usually it's the amount that's left. Right. We need to clean our plate or finish the bag or the container or eat all of the rest of the cupcakes. But there really is another way. And that's what I want to teach you today. There's three options. When it comes to food and cravings, we can react resist or allow. So I'm going to go through each one of those. When we have a thought about the food and the emotional response feels very urgent. Like we must obey it. We react by eating. So our brains are pretty sure that we might die. If that urge is not answered. That's your lower brain. Of course, it's not a conscious thought. But that negative feeling of unanswered desire is pretty strong and serious. So we respond by eating and that's reaction. Reaction is also the just basic biological function of eating food. Like we see the food, we're like, okay, we're physically hungry. We think, okay, that sounds good. And we react to that thought by eating it. So there's really nothing huge. That's gone wrong here. There's nothing wrong with reaction. That's actually our brain working as it should. The problem comes when that reaction of eating. Leads to overeating or eating beyond our physical hunger or comfort. And I'm not even talking about like bingeing or gorging, but just regular. I ate too much and I feel extra full kind of eating. Of course, this reaction gives us an immediate dopamine reward in the brain, which then perpetuates the cycle. Then what happens over time is you have an urge or a craving, or even just a thought to eat and you immediately reward it or react it. And then that urge intensifies. So. When we're talking about reaction as a regular biological function of I'm going to see food and then I'm going to eat it. It's a good idea. The only reason that we're interrupting this is because we decide I want to react less often. So then the next option that we go into typically is resistance. This is what we do when we fad diet, because what we decide is, okay, I want to stop reacting to food every time I see it, you probably don't use that exact language in your brain, but essentially that's what you're telling yourself. You're like, I'm going to stop eating this certain food. And often you have a laundry list of foods that are whatever diet you're on is telling you that you can't eat. So you decide to use resistance to not eat the foods on the no-no list. Resistance to the urge is using willpower. And that puts you in a lot of diet mentality. It creates a lot of rules and it also feels pretty temporary. Resistance says things like if I can just hold on long enough to lose weight, then I can go back to my regular way of eating. Resistance thoughts also use language. Like I can't have that or I shouldn't have that. Or I'm not supposed to things like that. If you've ever been on one of those like six weeks slim downs, or even a whole 30. They have the length of the diet right in the name. These kinds of rules create temporary distortions to the way that we normally react to food. You are in resistance. You are white knuckling. It. And this typically works for just a short period of time. Ultimately, it ends up reinforcing the urge because we move into reaction after some time. Even if it's sort of a plan situation, like for example, those six week type diets or the 30 days you're white, knuckling it until day 31. And then you go ahead and react to that food that you have been cutting out for that timeframe. So you can see how this resistance really is the willpower that we try to use when we're on a typical diet. Willpower can be similar to a muscle. In that it wears out. It's not an effective tool for a longterm lifestyle change, which is really what we're going for here. Right. We're aiming to eat like our future selves. Do who live at our natural weight? And resistance is not going to get us there. We don't always want to live in a way where we feel like we have to white knuckle our way through every day. That brings us to our last option, which is allowing. When we are in allowing. We actually allow an urge to be in the body and be present with it without responding to it. This puts us in charge as an emotional adult. If you remember, in my last episode, we talked a little bit about our higher brain versus our lower toddler brain. Our toddler brain wants to have that food. And when you are allowing an urge, you're using your higher human brain to allow that toddler brain to scream. Without responding. So when we decide when and what we eat with our higher brain, we allow cravings to be present. Without reacting or resisting. We notice the craving. We choose not to respond to it with our higher brain and we process that craving or urge as you would. Any other feeling any other emotion? This is different from how we sometimes use the word allow in the English language. Sometimes we use this word, like I really wanted that chocolate chip cookie, so I allowed myself to have it. Or I allowed myself to order French fries. That's not what I'm talking about here, because allowing myself to have it is actually reaction, right. Because your brain is like, Ooh, cookie sounds good. And you're like, yeah, let's do that. And then you frame it with this word. I allowed myself to have the cookie because it just sounds nicer than I gave it. We frame it from a point of giving ourselves grace and allowing treats. And this is really the work to do not reacting every time the lower toddler brain wants to eat something when we aren't hungry for it or when we haven't planned it. So when we plan a chocolate chip cookie, you might use that word. Oh, I'm allowing a chocolate chip cookie tonight. It's on the plan. I've allowed for it. I mean, the English language is so confusing. Right? We use the same words for all kinds of things. But when I use the word allow, I'm talking about allowing the craving to be in the body. And moving towards it, recognizing it saying, Hey. I'm really wanting a chocolate chip cookie and then not eating it. That's what I mean by allowing you allow it to be present. You get really honest with yourself, instead of saying things like I shouldn't be wanting that. Or I'm not supposed to have it. I can't have it. All of that is resistance language. Allowing says, I hear you body. I hear that you want a chocolate chip cookie. It's not on the plan for today. I'm going to feel what that feels like to want a cookie. And not eat one. Where in the body do I feel this craving? What exactly does it feel like, what am I thinking that is producing this desire or urge or craving? That's how you allow the craving to be present in the body and move towards it. You've all probably heard of Pavlov's dog studies, where he conditioned dogs to salivate for food when they heard the ringing of about. So they conditioned these dogs, they would ring a bell and then bring the food and they would eat it. Pretty soon, they were able to ring the bell and the dog would start salivating prior to even eating or seeing the food because the dog knew that the belt was associated with eating. They conditioned them to be ready for food when they heard about. Well, you may not know. Is that they went on in this study to decondition the docs. So they would ring the bell and not bring the food. The dog would still salivate thinking he would be eating soon. They'd ring the bell, the dog would salivate. They wouldn't feed it. And they continue to do this deconditioning process until they eventually rang the bell. And the dog did not salivate when they heard the ringing of the bell. This is called reconditioning or counter conditioning. Interestingly, they even managed to decondition the salivation by ringing the bell. Presenting the food and then taking it away without allowing the dog to eat it. Essentially, they managed to keep the dog from craving or anticipating the food. Even when the dog would see the food. They would ring the bell, bring the food. The dog would not salivate because he knew he was actually not going to be eating it. Now I know we're not dogs. And I know this study kind of sounds mean, so let me just acknowledge that right now. I feel bad to think about my dog, like salivating and not getting the food. Obviously they fed them enough. That they were not in harm. I'm hoping at least. But, you know, humans are smarter. We do have that prefrontal cortex. And of course the dogs didn't have a choice in the matter because someone else was showing them the food and then giving it to them. But we can learn a lot from this study of behavioral psychology. We want to be able to hear the bell quote unquote and not respond by eating the food. This is what I mean by allowing urges. We want to be able to notice the food. Oh, that's good food. That's edible food. I like that thing. I do eat that sometimes. We know this, the desire to eat the food, allow it to be present. Uh, not reward that desire with the food. When you practice this over and over the urgency will go down. You will decondition yourself and you won't need to either automatically eat the bread. Or throw away the cupcakes. You'll see those foods. And the craving will get less and less urgent. This is possible through neuro-plasticity. You can actually change the pathways in your brain in this way. I know you might think there's no way. But your brain does actually have this capability. Remember, I am not asking you to give up all treats. I am not asking you to never eat a chocolate chip cookie. What we are working on here is not eating the chocolate chip cookie or the bag of chips. Every time the urge is present or when we are already physically full, when you've already reached your physical full or enough, this is when we want to stop eating and process our urges. If it's mid-afternoon and you know, you have dinner planned. And you're only bored or tired or not wanting to write that email. This is when we want to process cravings. Okay. You don't have to decline invitations from friends to go out because you're worried you might overeat. Or because you're worried you might eat something that's not allowed on your diet. You don't have to get rid of all your trigger foods and never buy treats. Your family likes and never be in the room when someone's eating dessert. You can notice that you have that urge to eat it. Not reward it. And move on. This is a skill to learn and to practice and practice and practice. A couple of reminders about how this allowing a craving works. It means you're going to move toward the craving instead of pushing it down. This is really important. Actually probably the most important thing when we pushed down a craving, that we're way into resistance. When we pull it up to the surface and feel it on purpose and be present with that discomfort. This is when we can watch it dissipate. The less, we try to push it down and the more we try to bring it up and feel it. The easier it will be to let it go. One strategy here is to not worry so much about your long-term goals when you're having a craving. Like your longterm health goals or your longterm weight loss goals. Sometimes those things are just too far away when you're first practicing this skill. Try focusing more short term just on how your body will feel shortly after eating, I'm already full I'm already at a three, maybe even a four from dinner. If I eat that brownie. My body will feel more full than I want. So you want to kind of focus on the short term, how am I going to feel in my body after I eat that thing, it's really important that you focus on the body here because your brain is like, I will feel great. That sounds delicious. I will get lots of dopamine. So you have to ignore that part, that toddler part, and just ask, will this cause bloating or cramping? Will I get a sugar rush headache? What will happen in my body shortly after eating this thing, some foods affect sleep or even just being too full can affect sleep. Some foods can be inflammatory to some people, so they might wake up with joint pain or stiffness. I noticed this with my clients with Primarily sugar sometimes with other ingredients like gluten, it depends on if you're sensitive, all those are short term and it can help to focus on some of these things. Like I said, when you are first practicing this skill of allowing. Other times you want to think of your long-term goals. Whether that be weight loss goal, or another health related goal, you can experiment and see which way works better for you. Also and what to remind you that it's okay. And even normal to still have cravings. Cravings are not a problem. They are just an emotion to process. It's such an important thought to have. This is not a problem. As you practice processing cravings and allowing them to be present in the body without responding to them. They will decrease in intensity. Think of a beach ball you have in a pool and you're playing a game where it can come up to the surface and you're holding it under water. It takes a great amount of effort. You're pushing and thinking. I can't let this touch the surface. I'm not supposed to lose my grip on this ball. I've got to push it down. Once you were out, you let go and the ball pops up and goes way above the surface. Right? Now imagine the ball is floating next to you. You notice that sometimes it bumps into you other times it floats away. When you aren't trying to control it, it moves around the pool sometimes coming near you, but most often just floating into another corner. That ball. Is like our cravings. The more, we try to push them down and resist them. The more effort it takes. And when we let go, I think of that ball going way into the air. As they reaction, we have and often the over 18 we do after resisting an urge for a long time. If it's just floating next to us, we notice that it's there. But we aren't holding on so tight. It's not that the craving is completely gone. It's still there in the pool. But as we do this work of allowing it to be present without reacting, it can actually float away. How do you get to this point? It sounds sort of like magic, right? That like you could just walk through a room, notice there's brownies on the table and be like, yeah, I could have one of those, But it's not on my plan for today. So I'm just going to be a person who wants brownies and is cleaning up the kitchen as well. You begin to be a person who is doing the things that you are already doing. And feeling the craving. We don't have to like sit on the couch and meditate about the craving. We're just a person who's writing an email and wanting chocolate. Get curious about why you're thinking food is going to make your situation better. And move toward it. Instead of criticizing yourself or trying to push that feeling down. We just want to be present and curious. Do you see how this is different than willpower? Willpower says I can't, I shouldn't, I won't. Willpower is resistance. Whereas urge processing or allowing the craving is kind and open and doesn't use any of those kinds of negative language. And the more times you do this, the more power you're going to have over it. Not only that, but the more we stop reacting to our cravings, the less frequent they will come. One last reminder. This work is not to be used to keep yourself from eating proper, good meals. This craving process should not be used. For physical hunger to try to avoid eating when you are physically hungry, this process should only be used when you are. At a three, four or above, and you want to not overeat. This process is for reducing perhaps your sugar intake or your salty snack intake. If those are the kinds of things that you go for I just don't want this to be misused as a way to eat as little as possible. That's not at all what this process is for. I want you to try though allowing an urge to be present this week instead of answering it with food. I'd love you to actually even write these down. Every time you allow a craving to be present, you note it down. And when you get to a hundred, typically that'll result in about a 15 to 20 pound weight loss, depending on how much weight you have to lose. Listen processing our cravings for foods that we do not eat because we're not physically hungry is the way. You're going to get to food. Freedom. And it's the way to stop overeating so that you can reach your natural weight. I hope this helps you with your cravings this week. If you have any questions on this, feel free to DM me on Instagram or send me an email. You can find all that information in the show notes. You can also find a link to schedule that free get unstuck session with me. If you want to get really clear on some of the cravings that you might be having personally. Or maybe you feel like I didn't cover things that happen to you with cravings. Or maybe you have a situation you just need help getting unstuck. So I'd love to talk to you about your personal situation on that coaching call. Thanks again for listening this week to the eat. Well, think. Inkwell LivWell podcast.