Defensible Space to Reduce Stress [Ep. 59]

This is the Eat Well, think Well, Live Well podcast, episode 59 defensible space to reduce stress.

Welcome to Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well; the podcast for women who want to lose weight, but are tired of counting and calculating all the food. I'm your host, Lisa Salsbury. I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach, and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter. I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry, instead of worrying so much about what you are eating.

How's your summer going? Actually how's it ending up at this point, right? It's the first weekend, September. I've got one kid learning to drive, just pass the permit test a month or so ago. Really not confident in her driving, although she is actually doing quite well for only having one lesson so far. I also just dropped off a daughter last week to college, got her all moved into the dorms. So that was a whirlwind of shopping the month before and Amazon purchases and packing and then unpacking and organizing it all. And I've got one that just got engaged and we're planning a wedding for December. The wording on invitations is surprisingly difficult to figure out. I do have four kids and that last one is just working and going to school and not stressing me out as much. But this is what I call the fun stress though. Right? This is all good, fun news, except for the teaching a child to drive. That's that's a little bit harder, but thankfully this is the last time because she's my youngest. If you haven't done this yet with your children, I promise you at some point during the time when they have their permit and you are trying desperately to stay calm, you will blurt out that you would rather potty train them for life. Then teach them to drive. Just me. Is that just me? Okay. Well, anyway. At least make sure they know the break is on the left before you start. That's probably my biggest step. Speaking of stress though, this just so happens to be our topic today, before I jumped into it, I want to say thank you so much to those that schedule, that free meal planning session. We had the free food planning sessions over the last. Five weeks or so. And they have been so much fun. We got all 10 scheduled and I really hope that if you were one that wanted one of those that you got scheduled. So if you didn't get scheduled for one of those, and you've been listening to the episode, C's last five weeks, and you're curious about that, please feel free to drop me an email or respond to one of my emails. Maybe you're on my email list and you can just respond and say, Hey, this is something that I'm still interested in. Let me gauge how many people still need them. And I might open up another batch of those, but I always have the free strategy sessions, free coaching sessions. I can't even remember what I've titled them at this point, but that's a free 30 minute call. Easy way to just get to know me a little bit. Let me know what's going on for you. I can offer you a little coaching along the way and see if working with the coaches, a slam dunk fit for you. So if that is something you're still interested in, just, you know, let me know. or of course, just a schedule in the link, in the show notes for a free call with me. So back to stress back to our topic for today, I was coaching a client a couple of weeks ago, and when we finished, I was like, well, that's my next podcast episode. I wish I had had the session recorded because I could've just put that up here for a full episode. So I hope that I can do it justice of what we were talking about, but we, we were talking about how stress is one of her lead emotions, which I know a lot of us can relate to. She was also feeling busy and overwhelmed, and those were contributing to the overall feeling of stress. We talked about stress and the hormone cascade that is involved here on the podcast before with a couple of different experts. I think the episode with Allie Damron was really helpful on this it's episode 38, and I will put a link in the show notes to that one. We really dove into stress and hormones, and that was really helpful. But what I noticed is that many of the techniques and tips and tricks are designed to lower stress in the moment when we are feeling stress, what do we do? And that's a very valuable list to have for sure. So when I was coaching with this client, we came up with a list that helps relieve stress for her. She listed things like reading, taking a shower at night before she goes to bed, watching a movie, um, writing, like she likes to write poems and do journaling, uh, go to bed. Sometimes it's just time to call it a day. You know, like sometimes that's the solution when it's the end of the day and you're just stressed. These are great. These are like great ideas. And I know you probably have your own ways of dealing with stress. If your current coping strategies only include deciding between the chocolate and the vanilla ice cream. We need some more ideas. This is kind of a side note to the main topic today, but I just want to mention that because we are on a plan to stop overeating or stop emotional eating that we can never have sweets again, or that if we do emotionally eat, we've failed. And the thing is, that's just not true when you decide. Consciously that you are going to manage this feeling with a snack and you are totally honest with yourself and say, this is going to not solve the problem, but right now, It's going to ease it a little in the moment and that's all I can muster. Right, right. Then. Maybe that's what you need to do then. The key here is to just be really honest with yourself and call it what it is. It's not you falling off the wagon and you're not going to let it lead to self-talk like, I'll never get this. And here I go again. You're just like, I'm going to eat this one thing right now in this moment. And then my very next bite is going to be on plan. Not only does this help you not to spiral and convince yourself that you'll never lose weight, but it's much easier to stop eating when you are fully conscious that you are trying to solve for your stress by eating. Okay. So yes, having a snack might be on that list, but really we are looking for non-food ways. So we made a big list of other options. We kept brainstorming, came up with more. lot of her things sounded like, uh, having a creative outlet, such as crafting type activities. This client doesn't do a lot of crafts, but she liked the idea of getting creative. She always wanted to learn to draw. She thought maybe she could look into that maybe for you. This looks like sewing or knitting. You guys know. I love knitting. If you follow me on Instagram, every once in a while I'll post something. I actually just finished making a dress, not, not knitted. It was sewn. But, um, I wore that again this week. So that was fun. Uh, their creative outlets, like flower ranging home decorating woodworking could be here. This sub list honestly, could be endless, but just think of creation of something rather than like, consumption, like how social media is consuming information. So that was a long. Uh, a long explanation of having a creative outlet. Um, another thing she put on her list is taking care of plants, watering fertilizing in the house or outdoors in the garden. Family history work like Jenny geology and researching ancestors movement and exercise taking walks. And also just like regular morning cardio strength, workouts, breathing exercises at night for sleep, sort of like yoga is something that this client does. So when you look at this part of the list, rather than the first part, It's a lot more involved. More involved in reading or watching a movie or just taking a shower. This is really the core of what I want to get out today. Most of these activities are things you are doing before you get stressed. We aren't actually super creative. When we are feeling stress. We are creative when we are in a state of calm. We aren't in a state of major stress and fight or flight and think. Now, it seems like the right time to make that reef. I've been meaning to. put together. Or let me learn all I can about my great-grandmother's journey to America tonight. Right. It's no wonder that we, when we are in a stressed state, all we can muster is scrolling Instagram and eating a bag of chips. Because this list of activities and I'm sure you have more ideas for yours. R four times when we aren't stressed. But when we want to prevent stress. This is what I call defensible space. You probably know I live in Northern California and it can be extremely dry here. We have a major fire season almost every year. Knock on wood. It hasn't happened this year so far, but we also haven't had rain in months. So, especially when we've had several dry years in a row, this can be really dangerous. There's ads and billboards that are constantly reminding us to create defensible space around our homes. In fact, California law requires. That. And I did get this from the internet. It requires that homeowners in certain areas to clear out flammable materials, such as brusher vegetation around their buildings to 100 feet or the property line. This helps halt the progress of an approaching wildfire and keeps firefighters safe while they defend your home. So when the fire comes, you have already created some safety around yourself so that you are less likely to go up in flames. If we create defensible space from stress, what would that look like? Stress is still going to happen. You can think of stress as the fire. Unfortunately, the truth is we have to create defensible space on our properties because wildfires happen here every year. They come, whether we like it or not. The defensible space doesn't actually prevent the wildfire from happening. And this is the case for stress too. It happens, even if we've done some work to be prepared. It comes in the form of bad news and extra busy work at work and move choices that other people make such as not paying attention. And rear-ending you dogs that get sick and have diarrhea all over the house. Hmm, that seems like a very specific example. Lisa, why? Yes. Yes. It does lots of examples of stress from my life this week. Right. I won't go into details on that one. Anyway, I could go on for hours listing all the circumstances in the world that usually produce the emotion of stress within us. Because we are likely to have thoughts about those events and that creates stress. Now can you just do the thought work to not be stressed when these things happen? Sure. You could. You could use the model. You could think different thoughts and not have the emotion of stress, but honestly, I don't even know any coaches that have successfully eliminated the emotion of stress from their lives. Technically, if you go all in on the model that I teach, I imagine. That you could someday get to the place where you rarely, if ever feel the emotion of stress. I have not yet achieved this state of Zen. And I doubt most of you have either. I have definitely like for sure, decreased my stress by using the thought model that I teach and work with a coach to help me do that. I'm consciously aware of not reacting to situations that would normally be thought of as stressful. But the other thing I do to manage and mitigate my stress. Is to create this defensible space. If we create some defensible space around ourselves, then when these circumstances occur and I'll just call it what we all do when these stressful events happen in our lives. We can be more prepared. It's really this second list that this client and I created for her that can fortify her against the stress. Rather than just putting out the fire. We can be prepared for when the fire comes. this goes back to episode 45, balancing wellbeing and false pleasures, navigating the buffers for a positive outcome. That was a rather wordy title. I think I must have used a chat GPT to create that. And it is a little much. Anyway, in that episode, good episode, bad title. I talk about our wellbeing versus false pleasure activities. And I said that the more we participate in our wellbeing activities, the less likely we are to drop into those false pleasures. In that episode, I also focused on the fact that when we remove our false pleasures, like overeating, for example, then we have a drop in dopamine. So participating. In the wellbeing activities increases our overall dopamine levels. So reference that episode, if you're interested in that specifically, but in much the same way, the more we participate in these activities, the more our bodies get the message that we are safe. And that we don't need to be in flight or fight mode. The more of these practices, we can incorporate the more and, and I'm talking about the wellbeing practices. The more we will be ready for when those fires come. When you get the bad news at work, if you are already in a heightened state of fight or flight, think about how your action will be. You're going to feel like you are just fighting fires. As opposed to, if you had a smooth commute in. You listen to your favorite music or podcast had a good night's sleep after doing a little writing before bed. All of these things are letting your body know you are in a safe space. Then when you get the bad news, can you see how much more prepared you might feel? I really just love this imagery of defensible space since we are pretty consistently use the phrase. I really just love this imagery of defensible space. Since we pretty consistently use the phrase fighting fires. When we are talking about managing all the stressful things we are dealing with. Like you are just jumping from one problem to another and some days are like that. Some days you are going to have a lot going on. But if your life is fortified with some of these wellbeing activities, you may find that the stress is a little slower to hit your body. If you've created some defensible space in your life. That stress is going to take longer to hit your body because you aren't already in fight or flight. Let's go over six ideas specifically to get out of fight or flight that can also contribute to your defensible space. So these are as opposed to the ideas of the wellbeing activities. Act like specific activities that you enjoy doing. These are general recommendations to get out of fight or flight. Okay. Number one, eat well. Hey look, that's one of my pillars. Okay. So eating consistently, meaning not skipping meals or fasting can help reduce your fight or flight response. I have my clients eat three times a day, usually depending on their schedule, sometimes they eat four times, but remember, we are waiting for hunger and that's hungry enough to eat a meal, not just a little peckish and looking for a snack also. Eating well-balanced meals with protein, fiber, and fat. Especially when that fiber is coming from lots of fruits and vegetables. So that's eating well. Number two, drinking. Well, that's just a little play on my pillars, but what I mean is to stay hydrated with plenty of water and then limit caffeine and alcohol note. I said, not eliminate, but just limit. We don't want to be drinking diet Coke or Starbucks all day. And especially not within eight to 10 hours of bedtime. We don't need to be constantly in a highly caffeinated state. And with regards to alcohol, of course, that is personal preference. But remember that any amount can affect your health. I've noticed, especially lately that some of the bigger lifespan gurus and doctors on Instagram are really limiting. If not completely eliminating alcohol as a health measure. And lifespan measure, but as far as stress. It can also definitely have an impact. That's primarily for heavier drinkers. So just be moderate. And really this is about paying attention to your reaction, to your bio-individuality. I have had clients that have worked to reduce their alcohol intake because they noticed that they don't like the way they feel on edge the next day. So just notice that for yourself, but for sure the water. Okay. Number three is get regular exercise. This can be anything from strength training. Like we've talked about several times on the podcast or walking every day. It doesn't have to be hard or expensive. You just need to move your body every day. Incorporating some mind, body exercises like yoga or Tai Chi is also quite beneficial when it comes to stress reduction. Bonus points here. If you exercise outdoors in the morning, or just get out for 10 minutes to walk the dog because viewing morning, sunlight is also very beneficial with this. Number four, get some coaching or counseling. I am in no way saying a life coach is the same as a therapist or a counselor because each have their own place. But I will say anecdotally, I was recently talking with a child psychologist friend of mine, and he said that recent data is showing not much difference in outcome. Between life coaching and speaking with a licensed therapist, meaning that what's important is getting in a room or even a zoom room. With someone who is listening to you. Is the critical aspect. Finding someone who can listen, hold space for you and offer a perspective on your thoughts is what is being shown to have positive outcomes. Number five breathing exercises. This also can be varied. There are certain breathing patterns such as the 8, 4 7, where you exhale for eight seconds. You inhale for seven and then hold for four. I think I said at 8, 7, 4, anyway, you can look that one up. Um, I also like square breathing where it's just a 4, 4, 4, 4. So you inhale for four hold for four. Exhale for four hold for four and repeat. You just need to find a breathing pattern that works for you and feels good. Some of these actually make my heart race even more when I've tried them. So when we did the episode with Amy Stein, she did a bonus clip for my email subscribers on breathwork specifically. And it was amazing. It was really, really relaxing. I was amazed. I've listened to it several times. So go to that episode and grab that. If you want to try some breathing exercises with her. And number six. Decide ahead. What you're going to think. This is actually not on the major fight or flight lists. If you look them up on Google. This is my own addition here, because as a coach that uses the self-coaching model. I'm pretty consistently offering thoughts to my clients, or we come up with thoughts together that they want to practice and think ahead of situations. I had a client getting ready for a family reunion. And she came up with a few thoughts that would guide her to enjoy the time and create the emotions of connection and enjoyment that she wanted. For that situation. So she was really preparing herself ahead of time to not be in fight or flight when you know, these difficult situations arise because she felt like the whole event was going to be stressful. And she wanted to be prepared so that the thoughts she would think were intentional rather than just being on autopilot. Going into a situation knowing that certain family members are going to behave the way they behave and having a thought ready can potentially keep you from exploding or being extra annoyed. You know, when uncle Bob starts in on politics or grandma's starts in, on commenting on your body, you have thoughts ready, and you will tend to not react in a way that you truly don't want to. So this also just really allows you to show up as the type of person. You want to be rather than getting stressed and anxious because they are saying things you already knew, they would say right. All right with these tips, essentially. I want you to create the kind of life for yourself. Where you are fortifying yourself and preparing for the ups and downs that will come. Instead of only trying to put the fire out. Will you get the hose out? If the fire comes up to your door, of course you will. Of course, we will have to put fires out sometimes. But if we live our lives constantly jumping from putting one fire out after another, it gets to be quite difficult to reduce those stress hormones in that moment. So just give one of these things a try this week and let me know what happens. This is something that I'm saying week after week. Don't try to implement every single thing I'm saying every single week. It's a lot. So pick the most important thing from this episode and just try one thing. If this podcast is helping you in any way to improve your life, to lose weight or in this case, maybe feel less stress. Do others a favor and share it, tag me on social so I can give you a shout out as well. You can also leave a rating and a review that really helps other people find the show so they can benefit as well. As always. Thanks for listening to the eat. Well think, well live well podcast.