Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.780
This is eat well, think.
00:00:00.930 --> 00:00:02.189
Well LivWell podcast.
00:00:02.250 --> 00:00:05.250
I'm Lisa Salsbury, and this is episode 86.
00:00:05.549 --> 00:00:09.130
Change your relationship with food and alcohol with Molly Zemek.
00:00:09.660 --> 00:00:27.059
Molly is a professionally trained chef and self-proclaimed foodie girl after my own heart there, she also is a Somalia, but she has given up drinking and has noticed that her life is actually more pleasurable, which she absolutely could not have imagined before.
00:00:27.510 --> 00:00:33.479
This conversation was super fascinating, all about our relationship with alcohol and how it can affect our ability.
00:00:33.810 --> 00:00:34.740
To lose weight.
00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:42.390
And even your general happiness, Molly does say at the very end that this is also super similar to our relationship to sugar.
00:00:42.630 --> 00:00:46.829
So if you're not a drinker, you can just substitute cupcake every time we say wine.
00:00:46.829 --> 00:00:50.100
And I think you'll find this episode still really valuable.
00:00:53.893 --> 00:01:00.792
Welcome to Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well; the podcast for women who want to lose weight, but are tired of counting and calculating all the food.
00:01:01.423 --> 00:01:02.982
I'm your host, Lisa Salsbury.
00:01:03.372 --> 00:01:09.033
I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach, and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter.
00:01:09.643 --> 00:01:15.582
I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry, instead of worrying so much about what you are eating.
00:01:18.941 --> 00:01:22.341
Welcome back to the eat well, think well, live well podcast.
00:01:22.341 --> 00:01:27.061
I am delighted to have master certified coach Molly Zemeck here with me today.
00:01:27.061 --> 00:01:34.971
She is an author and does coaching just really similar to what I do and we have a really fun day.
00:01:35.691 --> 00:01:36.712
I always think my guests are fun.
00:01:36.712 --> 00:01:46.581
I'm like, Oh, we're so excited about our conversation with this guest, but really, really excited because this is not a topic that I have had in the past, mostly because I have no skill at it.
00:01:46.591 --> 00:01:54.277
So I'm so happy that Molly is here to help me discuss a little bit about our relationship with alcohol and how it is.
00:01:54.576 --> 00:01:57.227
As is associated also with our relationship with food.
00:01:57.587 --> 00:01:59.316
So Molly, take it away.
00:01:59.367 --> 00:02:00.496
Please introduce yourself.
00:02:00.496 --> 00:02:02.296
Tell us a little bit more about what you do.
00:02:02.647 --> 00:02:07.777
Um, I know you have a book coming out and then after that we'll jump into some of the questions that I have for you.
00:02:08.597 --> 00:02:09.986
Well, thank you so much, Lisa.
00:02:10.007 --> 00:02:14.687
I just couldn't be more excited to be here and also looking forward to this conversation.
00:02:14.687 --> 00:02:24.366
I think when you bring two coaches together who are both interested in, in eating well and living well and thinking, well, it's easy to just get.
00:02:24.762 --> 00:02:28.651
You know, excited about, about talking more about it.
00:02:29.032 --> 00:02:33.342
I always like to just introduce myself as a lifelong food lover.
00:02:33.342 --> 00:02:35.882
First, I grew up in a family of foodies.
00:02:35.882 --> 00:02:38.171
My father's side of the family is Italian.
00:02:38.611 --> 00:02:41.491
So, just from a very early age.
00:02:42.701 --> 00:02:47.012
I had this love language for food because that was the culture that I was raised in.
00:02:47.331 --> 00:02:48.801
And food was important.
00:02:48.801 --> 00:02:50.532
It was something that we made time for.
00:02:50.551 --> 00:02:53.252
It was a big topic of conversation.
00:02:53.551 --> 00:02:58.671
One of the things that I say in my book is, you know, after breakfast, we would start talking about what's for dinner.
00:02:58.972 --> 00:03:02.442
We were very particular about the ingredients that we sourced.
00:03:02.792 --> 00:03:06.352
And uh, I just developed a huge passion for eating.
00:03:06.681 --> 00:03:10.252
I also grew up in a family where it was completely normal to.
00:03:10.507 --> 00:03:13.387
unwind at the end of the day with a drink.
00:03:13.787 --> 00:03:19.486
And it was the time when I would see my parents come together and relax and kind of connect.
00:03:19.497 --> 00:03:21.717
And so that was very normalized.
00:03:22.007 --> 00:03:24.956
And it wasn't a problem for most of my life.
00:03:24.956 --> 00:03:33.447
I mean, it was, it was a big passion for me to spend a lot of time eating and then eventually cooking so much so that I went to culinary school and I became a chef.
00:03:33.967 --> 00:03:36.016
Can I, sorry, can I just interrupt and ask?
00:03:36.016 --> 00:03:43.806
I'm just curious because a lot of what you're describing as far as being a foodie, um, early on in your growing up is very similar to mine.
00:03:44.447 --> 00:03:45.736
What I'm curious about is.
00:03:46.270 --> 00:03:49.030
was overeating that food part of it?
00:03:49.455 --> 00:03:52.115
Or were you like, wow, this was really good.
00:03:52.115 --> 00:03:53.495
And two bites is enough.
00:03:53.844 --> 00:03:56.495
I'm just curious what was modeled there.
00:03:56.544 --> 00:04:08.465
it wasn't like my parents were overeating, uh, they, my father just really loved food and seemed to have a pretty healthy relationship with it.
00:04:08.775 --> 00:04:10.775
And my mother was always.
00:04:10.995 --> 00:04:13.504
Uh, very mindful of how much she ate.
00:04:13.525 --> 00:04:15.675
She is somebody who would track calories.
00:04:15.675 --> 00:04:20.394
She would count calories, but that was never something that was imposed upon me.
00:04:20.425 --> 00:04:22.245
My brother and I were athletes.
00:04:22.584 --> 00:04:27.245
So my mother's philosophy was that we should just eat whatever we were hungry for.
00:04:27.245 --> 00:04:28.754
There were no limits on food.
00:04:28.764 --> 00:04:31.254
It was, well, whatever's available.
00:04:31.975 --> 00:04:38.055
I mean, she never restricted me from eating anything, which I love, but at the same time, that was the beginning.
00:04:38.134 --> 00:04:42.764
Uh, well, it wasn't the beginning, but I think that, that more and more processed foods became available.
00:04:43.165 --> 00:04:48.754
And since no foods were off limit, you know, we were around foods that were just very easy to overeat.
00:04:49.175 --> 00:04:57.345
And I was never taught how to be mindful around those foods or how to pay attention to what my body was telling me.
00:04:57.805 --> 00:04:58.254
hmm.
00:04:59.199 --> 00:05:00.800
You know, you're growing.
00:05:00.810 --> 00:05:02.399
If you're hungry, eat.
00:05:02.509 --> 00:05:03.629
Uh, there's food here.
00:05:03.639 --> 00:05:04.990
Have whatever you want.
00:05:05.529 --> 00:05:08.100
And, So yeah, there certainly was overeating.
00:05:08.189 --> 00:05:09.990
I, I ate just for the pleasure of it.
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:12.250
I wasn't eating necessarily because I was hungry.
00:05:12.250 --> 00:05:13.550
I was eating because food was there.
00:05:13.550 --> 00:05:14.509
It tasted good.
00:05:14.509 --> 00:05:15.939
I saw my brothers eating.
00:05:15.949 --> 00:05:21.959
And of course, it's a little bit different when you've got two boys who are growing versus, you know, a young woman.
00:05:22.399 --> 00:05:33.634
Um, and My father ended up being diagnosed with a heart condition in his 50s, and so that completely changed his relationship with food.
00:05:34.175 --> 00:05:40.324
But I didn't really understand how then to lessen my desire to eat.
00:05:40.665 --> 00:05:48.305
And so I still had all of the cravings and the sweet tooth and An insatiable appetite.
00:05:48.334 --> 00:05:50.555
And so it was confusing to me.
00:05:50.555 --> 00:06:03.165
And I talk about this in my book that I would end up, you know, sneaking food because all of a sudden I felt like, well, it was wrong to eat some of these things because my father became so health conscious and he started really trying to be virtuous with food.
00:06:03.605 --> 00:06:04.204
So.
00:06:05.139 --> 00:06:13.540
I don't know if that answers your question, but I didn't grow up with parents who were emotionally eating or eating a lot.
00:06:13.550 --> 00:06:15.850
They in general were a healthy weight.
00:06:16.189 --> 00:06:20.000
My mother, you know, was often eating very small portions.
00:06:20.439 --> 00:06:24.670
but again, that wasn't something that she taught me or that she expected me to do.
00:06:25.009 --> 00:06:29.060
I felt like I was just really accepted for who I was.
00:06:29.658 --> 00:06:29.968
Okay.
00:06:29.968 --> 00:06:31.728
So you went to culinary school.
00:06:32.084 --> 00:06:39.624
I went to a culinary school to really pursue this passion of mine to eat well, to spend all of my time thinking about food and cooking food.
00:06:39.624 --> 00:06:41.093
I worked in the restaurant business.
00:06:41.124 --> 00:06:47.853
I worked as a private chef for families and part of the fine dining culture is also the wine culture.
00:06:47.853 --> 00:06:57.213
And so I became very interested in wine and ended up becoming certified as a Somalia, which is somebody who's, you know, considered an expert in wine studies.
00:06:57.514 --> 00:07:01.658
And, uh, So I was the person that people would turn to for wine advice.
00:07:01.658 --> 00:07:05.168
People would call me, they'd send me messages, Molly, which one should go with this.
00:07:05.168 --> 00:07:06.538
And I loved it.
00:07:06.538 --> 00:07:08.079
I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.
00:07:08.079 --> 00:07:11.178
And I was in the habit of having a couple glasses of wine every night.
00:07:11.629 --> 00:07:16.408
And I never considered myself an alcoholic, but then my life changed.
00:07:16.478 --> 00:07:18.918
I started a family with my husband.
00:07:19.009 --> 00:07:23.588
I had three small boys and I found myself in my forties.
00:07:24.059 --> 00:07:30.358
Just really, feeling miserable and looking forward to more than anything else.
00:07:31.038 --> 00:07:36.218
Having wine time at the end of the day and unwinding, you know, with a bowl of ice cream.
00:07:36.228 --> 00:07:37.329
That was me time.
00:07:37.338 --> 00:07:38.689
That was like really sacred.
00:07:38.689 --> 00:07:40.259
It's like, this is time for me.
00:07:40.778 --> 00:07:46.639
And I just, but, but, um, mentally, psychologically, I was at my lowest.
00:07:47.079 --> 00:07:52.098
I just really was not motivated, not energetic.
00:07:52.603 --> 00:07:55.533
I just walked around with kind of a low level depression.
00:07:55.533 --> 00:08:04.353
It wasn't, it wasn't like clinically depressed, but I just generally wasn't that excited about my life, which was unsettling because I really had the life that I wanted.
00:08:04.353 --> 00:08:07.379
That is so confusing When you're like, but I have everything.
00:08:07.389 --> 00:08:09.245
What's why, why am I not?
00:08:09.665 --> 00:08:11.165
Jumping for joy all the time.
00:08:11.165 --> 00:08:13.115
It is really confusing for people.
00:08:13.115 --> 00:08:23.154
I think with that, what we call like small D depression, not big D clinical needs a diagnosis, but just like it's just kind of rough.
00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:23.560
Mm-Hmm.
00:08:23.785 --> 00:08:24.324
Yeah.
00:08:24.764 --> 00:08:29.204
And, and for so long, food and, and wine were, were a source of pleasure for me.
00:08:29.785 --> 00:08:37.955
And Suddenly it became clear to me through just like this intuitive sense that I had that those were the things that were holding me back.
00:08:38.345 --> 00:08:46.674
I would wake up every night in the middle of the night for a couple of years unable to sleep with a lot of anxiety and it was just clear to me, you know, it's the drinking.
00:08:47.195 --> 00:08:47.585
Mm.
00:08:47.695 --> 00:08:52.164
But I didn't do anything about it because I really couldn't imagine myself not drinking.
00:08:52.284 --> 00:08:55.605
Again, I didn't really think, like, for a long time that it was a problem.
00:08:56.174 --> 00:09:00.485
I never, like, blacked out or passed out or I was able to function for the most part.
00:09:01.004 --> 00:09:07.144
I wasn't living my best life, I could tell that, but I had a hard time imagining not enjoying wine every night.
00:09:07.144 --> 00:09:08.565
So I didn't do anything
00:09:08.700 --> 00:09:09.985
would that even look like?
00:09:10.419 --> 00:09:11.139
Yeah, right.
00:09:11.480 --> 00:09:16.039
And as a food lover, what would it look like not enjoying the food I loved?
00:09:16.049 --> 00:09:24.700
And just to give you a little bit of the backstory, Lisa, um, in the past I had tried to offset my habit of overeating with diets.
00:09:25.190 --> 00:09:29.549
I tried like almost every diet out there because my thinking was okay.
00:09:29.860 --> 00:09:31.100
I can lose the weight.
00:09:31.179 --> 00:09:32.549
I can give myself a break.
00:09:32.570 --> 00:09:35.259
I can, like, keep fitting into my clothes.
00:09:35.620 --> 00:09:37.929
And then I can just go back to eating the food that I love.
00:09:38.500 --> 00:09:43.980
And that was the cycle that I did for, for decades until, like, it stopped working.
00:09:44.679 --> 00:09:46.759
Stopped working because I was older.
00:09:47.110 --> 00:09:50.179
And I also was dealing with a lot more stress.
00:09:50.730 --> 00:09:57.840
So I knew at that point I couldn't go back to another diet cause I just felt like I felt so defeated by all of the failed attempts to diet.
00:09:57.860 --> 00:10:02.289
And then I would end up eating more and sometimes I would do detox months with drinking.
00:10:02.289 --> 00:10:03.460
And then I go back to drinking more.
00:10:03.460 --> 00:10:04.350
I didn't want to do that.
00:10:04.350 --> 00:10:06.490
I was just like, I mean, frustrated by that.
00:10:07.139 --> 00:10:09.470
So it was around that time that I discovered life coaching.
00:10:09.470 --> 00:10:14.690
I was listening to some different podcasts and I started to ask some deeper questions that I had heard some of these.
00:10:14.850 --> 00:10:24.309
Um, some of these podcast guests talk about, you know, in terms of like, what are some of the reasons why you're involved in these mindless habits?
00:10:24.309 --> 00:10:28.690
Like, have you ever considered why you're motivated to do these things?
00:10:29.230 --> 00:10:36.049
And it became clear to me in that moment that maybe it wasn't that I just loved food so much or that I was a wine lover.
00:10:36.049 --> 00:10:38.100
Maybe it wasn't the food that was the problem.
00:10:38.600 --> 00:10:40.330
Maybe it was something else.
00:10:40.350 --> 00:10:42.450
And so I started to really consider.
00:10:42.649 --> 00:10:43.039
Hmm.
00:10:43.100 --> 00:10:45.679
Like, why, why am I turning to these things?
00:10:46.399 --> 00:10:54.320
And that was just the beginning of a huge transformation for me in terms of my relationship with food and alcohol and, and really my relationship with myself.
00:10:55.134 --> 00:10:58.434
So, ultimately then, what did you discover?
00:10:58.434 --> 00:11:01.004
Were there certain emotions you were trying to cover up?
00:11:01.004 --> 00:11:02.575
Certain thoughts you didn't want to think?
00:11:02.575 --> 00:11:08.315
Like, what were you, what did you kind of discover as the reason that was fueling the nightly drinking?
00:11:08.330 --> 00:11:14.759
Oh, well, I, I grew up in, in a family too, where it, it was discouraged to express how you felt.
00:11:15.429 --> 00:11:17.169
And, and I don't blame my parents for that.
00:11:17.169 --> 00:11:20.259
I don't think they were ever taught to identify their feelings.
00:11:20.289 --> 00:11:21.330
They were great parents.
00:11:21.330 --> 00:11:27.740
They were supportive parents, but they really weren't equipped to navigate the feelings of, of a young girl.
00:11:27.740 --> 00:11:33.360
And so I was often told that, you know, I was too sensitive, that I was overreacting.
00:11:33.970 --> 00:11:37.289
And so I really was not used to expressing my feelings.
00:11:37.289 --> 00:11:41.440
I didn't, I, it's funny cause I never really thought of myself as an emotional eater.
00:11:41.750 --> 00:11:43.580
Cause I thought I don't have emotions.
00:11:43.610 --> 00:11:45.110
Like how can I be an emotional eater?
00:11:45.120 --> 00:11:49.269
Well, little did I know, this just shows how kind of ignorant I was.
00:11:49.269 --> 00:11:59.789
Little did I know when I started really paying attention to my body and focusing less on the food, but focusing on my body and really considering like, am I actually hungry?
00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:01.769
And if I'm not, I'm not going to eat.
00:12:02.299 --> 00:12:05.559
If I'm desiring food and I'm not hungry, I'm not going to eat.
00:12:05.559 --> 00:12:07.820
I'm just going to, like, notice what comes up.
00:12:08.700 --> 00:12:11.370
And emotion after emotion started to
00:12:11.445 --> 00:12:14.105
Yeah, a lot came up, I'm assuming.
00:12:14.129 --> 00:12:14.779
Yes.
00:12:15.080 --> 00:12:15.659
Yes.
00:12:15.789 --> 00:12:16.279
Yeah.
00:12:16.465 --> 00:12:17.095
it is tricky.
00:12:17.095 --> 00:12:24.245
I mean, We're not throwing our, our parents under the bus by saying, I wasn't taught how to express emotion.
00:12:24.264 --> 00:12:26.034
It's just, it's okay.
00:12:26.054 --> 00:12:36.914
Like, it really wasn't part of the vernacular of parenting back then to ask a child, like, tell me how you're feeling, like, legitimately, what emotion are you feeling?
00:12:36.924 --> 00:12:40.294
Or, or responding with things like, that must be hard.
00:12:41.309 --> 00:12:44.220
I find myself responding to my daughter a lot like that.
00:12:44.629 --> 00:12:48.679
She's like this and that and the other is going on and she's expressing emotion.
00:12:48.710 --> 00:12:49.899
And I'm like, that must be hard.
00:12:51.080 --> 00:12:54.970
Like just validating that your kids are having emotions.
00:12:55.139 --> 00:12:55.789
I don't know.
00:12:55.850 --> 00:12:58.870
Like, I feel like my parents want to do fix it.
00:12:59.424 --> 00:12:59.774
Right.
00:13:00.174 --> 00:13:02.715
They wanted to just, which is totally normal.
00:13:02.715 --> 00:13:04.754
And I did that also as a parent for years.
00:13:04.804 --> 00:13:09.865
I just want, and sometimes I still do, I just want to step in and fix it and just be like, here's the solution.
00:13:11.054 --> 00:13:14.254
Just allowing emotions to be expressed is.
00:13:14.985 --> 00:13:16.595
So healing, I think.
00:13:16.595 --> 00:13:17.789
Yeah.
00:13:17.884 --> 00:13:18.134
is.
00:13:18.134 --> 00:13:19.184
It's validating.
00:13:19.195 --> 00:13:23.245
It gives our kids the, the ability to accept themselves.
00:13:23.784 --> 00:13:27.544
and of course, as parents, what we want most is for our kids to be happy.
00:13:27.544 --> 00:13:34.575
And so it's natural that we just want to fix it until we realize, like, we're not doing them any favors by, by trying to fix it.
00:13:34.715 --> 00:13:35.845
And we can fix it.
00:13:37.335 --> 00:13:37.914
that's true.
00:13:38.585 --> 00:13:48.544
So your book is called, Decoding Your Emotional Appetite, A Food Lover's Guide to Weight Loss, which, I love this title because I also consider myself a food lover.
00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:50.720
I did not go to culinary school.
00:13:51.009 --> 00:13:55.220
However, I am what I would consider a fairly accomplished home cook.
00:13:55.220 --> 00:13:56.710
I make all my own breads.
00:13:56.710 --> 00:13:57.370
I make yogurt.
00:13:57.370 --> 00:13:58.309
I make weird stuff.
00:13:58.330 --> 00:13:59.710
Like, homemade mayonnaise.
00:13:59.759 --> 00:14:10.090
Um, Like, I've, The The more I got into, like, health coaching and, like, really looking at ingredients, the more, ingredients started to creep me out.
00:14:10.100 --> 00:14:11.409
Like, I'm like, I can't buy that.
00:14:11.429 --> 00:14:12.549
And so, I make it.
00:14:13.110 --> 00:14:14.789
Um, which you don't have to do.
00:14:14.980 --> 00:14:16.350
I'm not saying everyone has to do that.
00:14:16.350 --> 00:14:19.345
I'm just saying, I, I also like love food.
00:14:19.345 --> 00:14:30.784
I want food to taste good, but so I, I just feel like I'm assuming I have a lot in common there, but tell me about the decoding your emotional appetite part.
00:14:30.804 --> 00:14:32.855
What, what are the steps in that?
00:14:32.855 --> 00:14:34.450
Yeah.
00:14:34.794 --> 00:14:48.965
I, discovered was the secret for me in terms of feeling and looking my best without giving up food that I loved was really separating out my emotional appetite for my physical appetite.
00:14:49.524 --> 00:14:58.044
Um, when I was first introduced to life coaching, the coach that, that I learned from had this philosophy that food should just be boring.
00:14:58.585 --> 00:14:59.125
And I thought.
00:14:59.789 --> 00:15:00.259
Oh, okay.
00:15:00.259 --> 00:15:02.360
I mean, I was sort of entertained that idea.
00:15:02.360 --> 00:15:08.529
And I thought, Hmm, like, but, but it didn't take long for me to just realize, like, that doesn't apply to me.
00:15:08.539 --> 00:15:10.340
Like, I'm not interested in food being boring.
00:15:10.350 --> 00:15:13.639
I just, that's a part of my identity that I don't want to change.
00:15:14.029 --> 00:15:26.399
And so I started to think, you know, is there a way for me to just be less focused on food and more focused on my body and figure out how can I incorporate foods that I love in just a more conscious way.
00:15:26.850 --> 00:15:33.230
And so decoding your emotional appetite is about first of first of all, just like really listening to your body.
00:15:33.230 --> 00:15:53.840
And that's oftentimes where I tell people to start is Really pay attention to how you're feeling right now if you're somebody who is, dissatisfied with the way you feel and you're noticing that some of these habits, whether it's drinking or eating, are holding you back because you've got digestive issues or you're low energy or not sleeping well or, or you're irritable, listen to that, right?
00:15:53.840 --> 00:15:56.320
That's your body giving you important information.
00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:57.700
It's giving you feedback.
00:15:58.019 --> 00:15:59.389
And so I started doing that.
00:15:59.399 --> 00:16:04.009
And then I started to just really consider, like I mentioned before, am I hungry?
00:16:04.009 --> 00:16:04.080
Okay.
00:16:04.559 --> 00:16:08.559
And if I'm not hungry, then, you know, food is not the answer here.
00:16:09.190 --> 00:16:11.370
So, what do I need in this moment?