Change Your Relationship with Food and Alcohol with Molly Zemek [Ep. 86]

Lisa:
0:00

This is eat well, think. Well LivWell podcast. I'm Lisa Salsbury, and this is episode 86. Change your relationship with food and alcohol with Molly Zemek. Molly is a professionally trained chef and self-proclaimed foodie girl after my own heart there, she also is a Somalia, but she has given up drinking and has noticed that her life is actually more pleasurable, which she absolutely could not have imagined before. This conversation was super fascinating, all about our relationship with alcohol and how it can affect our ability. To lose weight. And even your general happiness, Molly does say at the very end that this is also super similar to our relationship to sugar. So if you're not a drinker, you can just substitute cupcake every time we say wine. And I think you'll find this episode still really valuable. Welcome to Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well; the podcast for women who want to lose weight, but are tired of counting and calculating all the food. I'm your host, Lisa Salsbury. I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach, and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter. I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry, instead of worrying so much about what you are eating. Welcome back to the eat well, think well, live well podcast. I am delighted to have master certified coach Molly Zemeck here with me today. She is an author and does coaching just really similar to what I do and we have a really fun day. I always think my guests are fun. I'm like, Oh, we're so excited about our conversation with this guest, but really, really excited because this is not a topic that I have had in the past, mostly because I have no skill at it. So I'm so happy that Molly is here to help me discuss a little bit about our relationship with alcohol and how it is. As is associated also with our relationship with food. So Molly, take it away. Please introduce yourself. Tell us a little bit more about what you do. Um, I know you have a book coming out and then after that we'll jump into some of the questions that I have for you.

Molly:
2:08

Well, thank you so much, Lisa. I just couldn't be more excited to be here and also looking forward to this conversation. I think when you bring two coaches together who are both interested in, in eating well and living well and thinking, well, it's easy to just get. You know, excited about, about talking more about it. I always like to just introduce myself as a lifelong food lover. First, I grew up in a family of foodies. My father's side of the family is Italian. So, just from a very early age. I had this love language for food because that was the culture that I was raised in. And food was important. It was something that we made time for. It was a big topic of conversation. One of the things that I say in my book is, you know, after breakfast, we would start talking about what's for dinner. We were very particular about the ingredients that we sourced. And uh, I just developed a huge passion for eating. I also grew up in a family where it was completely normal to. unwind at the end of the day with a drink. And it was the time when I would see my parents come together and relax and kind of connect. And so that was very normalized. And it wasn't a problem for most of my life. I mean, it was, it was a big passion for me to spend a lot of time eating and then eventually cooking so much so that I went to culinary school and I became a chef.

Lisa:
3:33

Can I, sorry, can I just interrupt and ask? I'm just curious because a lot of what you're describing as far as being a foodie, um, early on in your growing up is very similar to mine. What I'm curious about is. was overeating that food part of it? Or were you like, wow, this was really good. And two bites is enough. I'm just curious what was modeled there.

Molly:
3:56

it wasn't like my parents were overeating, uh, they, my father just really loved food and seemed to have a pretty healthy relationship with it. And my mother was always. Uh, very mindful of how much she ate. She is somebody who would track calories. She would count calories, but that was never something that was imposed upon me. My brother and I were athletes. So my mother's philosophy was that we should just eat whatever we were hungry for. There were no limits on food. It was, well, whatever's available. I mean, she never restricted me from eating anything, which I love, but at the same time, that was the beginning. Uh, well, it wasn't the beginning, but I think that, that more and more processed foods became available. And since no foods were off limit, you know, we were around foods that were just very easy to overeat. And I was never taught how to be mindful around those foods or how to pay attention to what my body was telling me.

Lisa:
4:57

hmm.

Molly:
4:59

You know, you're growing. If you're hungry, eat. Uh, there's food here. Have whatever you want. And, So yeah, there certainly was overeating. I, I ate just for the pleasure of it. I wasn't eating necessarily because I was hungry. I was eating because food was there. It tasted good. I saw my brothers eating. And of course, it's a little bit different when you've got two boys who are growing versus, you know, a young woman. Um, and My father ended up being diagnosed with a heart condition in his 50s, and so that completely changed his relationship with food. But I didn't really understand how then to lessen my desire to eat. And so I still had all of the cravings and the sweet tooth and An insatiable appetite. And so it was confusing to me. And I talk about this in my book that I would end up, you know, sneaking food because all of a sudden I felt like, well, it was wrong to eat some of these things because my father became so health conscious and he started really trying to be virtuous with food. So. I don't know if that answers your question, but I didn't grow up with parents who were emotionally eating or eating a lot. They in general were a healthy weight. My mother, you know, was often eating very small portions. but again, that wasn't something that she taught me or that she expected me to do. I felt like I was just really accepted for who I was.

Lisa:
6:29

Okay. So you went to culinary school.

Molly:
6:32

I went to a culinary school to really pursue this passion of mine to eat well, to spend all of my time thinking about food and cooking food. I worked in the restaurant business. I worked as a private chef for families and part of the fine dining culture is also the wine culture. And so I became very interested in wine and ended up becoming certified as a Somalia, which is somebody who's, you know, considered an expert in wine studies. And, uh, So I was the person that people would turn to for wine advice. People would call me, they'd send me messages, Molly, which one should go with this. And I loved it. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. And I was in the habit of having a couple glasses of wine every night. And I never considered myself an alcoholic, but then my life changed. I started a family with my husband. I had three small boys and I found myself in my forties. Just really, feeling miserable and looking forward to more than anything else. Having wine time at the end of the day and unwinding, you know, with a bowl of ice cream. That was me time. That was like really sacred. It's like, this is time for me. And I just, but, but, um, mentally, psychologically, I was at my lowest. I just really was not motivated, not energetic. I just walked around with kind of a low level depression. It wasn't, it wasn't like clinically depressed, but I just generally wasn't that excited about my life, which was unsettling because I really had the life that I wanted.

Lisa:
8:04

That is so confusing When you're like, but I have everything. What's why, why am I not? Jumping for joy all the time. It is really confusing for people. I think with that, what we call like small D depression, not big D clinical needs a diagnosis, but just like it's just kind of rough. Mm-Hmm.

Molly:
8:23

Yeah. And, and for so long, food and, and wine were, were a source of pleasure for me. And Suddenly it became clear to me through just like this intuitive sense that I had that those were the things that were holding me back. I would wake up every night in the middle of the night for a couple of years unable to sleep with a lot of anxiety and it was just clear to me, you know, it's the drinking.

Lisa:
8:47

Mm.

Molly:
8:47

But I didn't do anything about it because I really couldn't imagine myself not drinking. Again, I didn't really think, like, for a long time that it was a problem. I never, like, blacked out or passed out or I was able to function for the most part. I wasn't living my best life, I could tell that, but I had a hard time imagining not enjoying wine every night. So I didn't do anything

Lisa:
9:08

would that even look like?

Molly:
9:10

Yeah, right. And as a food lover, what would it look like not enjoying the food I loved? And just to give you a little bit of the backstory, Lisa, um, in the past I had tried to offset my habit of overeating with diets. I tried like almost every diet out there because my thinking was okay. I can lose the weight. I can give myself a break. I can, like, keep fitting into my clothes. And then I can just go back to eating the food that I love. And that was the cycle that I did for, for decades until, like, it stopped working. Stopped working because I was older. And I also was dealing with a lot more stress. So I knew at that point I couldn't go back to another diet cause I just felt like I felt so defeated by all of the failed attempts to diet. And then I would end up eating more and sometimes I would do detox months with drinking. And then I go back to drinking more. I didn't want to do that. I was just like, I mean, frustrated by that. So it was around that time that I discovered life coaching. I was listening to some different podcasts and I started to ask some deeper questions that I had heard some of these. Um, some of these podcast guests talk about, you know, in terms of like, what are some of the reasons why you're involved in these mindless habits? Like, have you ever considered why you're motivated to do these things? And it became clear to me in that moment that maybe it wasn't that I just loved food so much or that I was a wine lover. Maybe it wasn't the food that was the problem. Maybe it was something else. And so I started to really consider. Hmm. Like, why, why am I turning to these things? And that was just the beginning of a huge transformation for me in terms of my relationship with food and alcohol and, and really my relationship with myself.

Lisa:
10:55

So, ultimately then, what did you discover? Were there certain emotions you were trying to cover up? Certain thoughts you didn't want to think? Like, what were you, what did you kind of discover as the reason that was fueling the nightly drinking?

Molly:
11:08

Oh, well, I, I grew up in, in a family too, where it, it was discouraged to express how you felt. And, and I don't blame my parents for that. I don't think they were ever taught to identify their feelings. They were great parents. They were supportive parents, but they really weren't equipped to navigate the feelings of, of a young girl. And so I was often told that, you know, I was too sensitive, that I was overreacting. And so I really was not used to expressing my feelings. I didn't, I, it's funny cause I never really thought of myself as an emotional eater. Cause I thought I don't have emotions. Like how can I be an emotional eater? Well, little did I know, this just shows how kind of ignorant I was. Little did I know when I started really paying attention to my body and focusing less on the food, but focusing on my body and really considering like, am I actually hungry? And if I'm not, I'm not going to eat. If I'm desiring food and I'm not hungry, I'm not going to eat. I'm just going to, like, notice what comes up. And emotion after emotion started to

Lisa:
12:11

Yeah, a lot came up, I'm assuming.

Molly:
12:14

Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Lisa:
12:16

it is tricky. I mean, We're not throwing our, our parents under the bus by saying, I wasn't taught how to express emotion. It's just, it's okay. Like, it really wasn't part of the vernacular of parenting back then to ask a child, like, tell me how you're feeling, like, legitimately, what emotion are you feeling? Or, or responding with things like, that must be hard. I find myself responding to my daughter a lot like that. She's like this and that and the other is going on and she's expressing emotion. And I'm like, that must be hard. Like just validating that your kids are having emotions. I don't know. Like, I feel like my parents want to do fix it. Right. They wanted to just, which is totally normal. And I did that also as a parent for years. I just want, and sometimes I still do, I just want to step in and fix it and just be like, here's the solution. Just allowing emotions to be expressed is. So healing, I think. Yeah.

Molly:
13:17

is. It's validating. It gives our kids the, the ability to accept themselves. and of course, as parents, what we want most is for our kids to be happy. And so it's natural that we just want to fix it until we realize, like, we're not doing them any favors by, by trying to fix it. And we can fix it.

Lisa:
13:37

that's true. So your book is called, Decoding Your Emotional Appetite, A Food Lover's Guide to Weight Loss, which, I love this title because I also consider myself a food lover. I did not go to culinary school. However, I am what I would consider a fairly accomplished home cook. I make all my own breads. I make yogurt. I make weird stuff. Like, homemade mayonnaise. Um, Like, I've, The The more I got into, like, health coaching and, like, really looking at ingredients, the more, ingredients started to creep me out. Like, I'm like, I can't buy that. And so, I make it. Um, which you don't have to do. I'm not saying everyone has to do that. I'm just saying, I, I also like love food. I want food to taste good, but so I, I just feel like I'm assuming I have a lot in common there, but tell me about the decoding your emotional appetite part. What, what are the steps in that? Yeah.

Molly:
14:34

I, discovered was the secret for me in terms of feeling and looking my best without giving up food that I loved was really separating out my emotional appetite for my physical appetite. Um, when I was first introduced to life coaching, the coach that, that I learned from had this philosophy that food should just be boring. And I thought. Oh, okay. I mean, I was sort of entertained that idea. And I thought, Hmm, like, but, but it didn't take long for me to just realize, like, that doesn't apply to me. Like, I'm not interested in food being boring. I just, that's a part of my identity that I don't want to change. And so I started to think, you know, is there a way for me to just be less focused on food and more focused on my body and figure out how can I incorporate foods that I love in just a more conscious way. And so decoding your emotional appetite is about first of first of all, just like really listening to your body. And that's oftentimes where I tell people to start is Really pay attention to how you're feeling right now if you're somebody who is, dissatisfied with the way you feel and you're noticing that some of these habits, whether it's drinking or eating, are holding you back because you've got digestive issues or you're low energy or not sleeping well or, or you're irritable, listen to that, right? That's your body giving you important information. It's giving you feedback. And so I started doing that. And then I started to just really consider, like I mentioned before, am I hungry? Okay. And if I'm not hungry, then, you know, food is not the answer here. So, what do I need in this moment? And, and when I'm not hungry, that's my emotional appetite. That's motivating me to eat, which are all of the emotional reasons why we turn to food. Whether it's out of boredom, whether it's because We want to connect with somebody and, and we're used to using food as a way to do that. Um, it could be for security, right? Food often makes us feel safe. It makes us feel more secure. it could be just for pleasure, for extra pleasure, because we're used to turning to food or alcohol as our source of pleasure and not finding other ways to do that. And so. When I began to just really consider, okay, what is it that I actually need? I also simultaneously started to come up with ways to solve for those needs that didn't involve eating and drinking. And that was really, the way that I, I could create a lifestyle of, of feeling my best. Creating more emotional and physical well being while also still continuing to eat food I love in a very intentional way. And so that's, that's really, you know, kind of a general answer, but it's about taking some of the focus off of the food and beginning to focus more on your body and what your body is telling you.

Lisa:
17:23

Yeah, I love it. I mean, you're preaching to the choir with me. Obviously, this is totally right up my alley. Just believing your body has that wisdom was such a new concept for me because I was so wrapped up in the diets I was doing, which was someone else, an app or a book or a plan telling me what to do and when I should eat rather than asking my body. And when I started Stepping into that trust, it made a huge difference for me. So, would you say then, um, just shifting into the alcohol part, would you say that is really similar than is it always an emotional appetite for alcohol? Cause this is where it gets tricky to me because we do need food. But we don't technically need alcohol, so is there ever a time that it's not an emotional appetite with alcohol? Does that make sense?

Molly:
18:21

Yeah, no, that's a great question. I, I think that, that many people are confused about this. and one of my big realizations is that we can continue to eat just for pleasure. In fact, I really encourage people to do this. I think this is a big reason why diets fail is because we often believe we have to give up everything that we love, and we try and restrict and deprive ourselves. And then of course, It blows up because we rebel, we, we increase our desire for those things and then we, we feel defeated and we just think it's never going to work that it's, it's, it's a personal problem that we failed. And so what I kind of teach people to do is to just have a more conscious experience and it's the same thing with alcohol. I don't think there's anything wrong with. enjoying the pleasure of alcohol if you want to, but you have to do it in a way that's also mindful of how your body feels, right? Same thing with like, if you've decided I really want this piece of chocolate cake. Well, the piece of chocolate cake, you know, isn't going to, to make your body feel great, but that doesn't mean you can't eat it. It's just a question of like, how can I eat the perfect amount so that I'm in enjoying really the full pleasure of the flavor and the texture and You know, the, the aspect of just like savoring it, which, you know, is not that much. I mean, you really get the full experience of flavor in the first few bites. And so it's, it's about having a thoughtful approach to things like that. And same thing with alcohol for people who don't want the negative side effects of alcohol. Alcohol or who want less of the negative side effects. It's about figuring out what is the ideal amount for me. What's the ideal kind of alcohol if I want to enjoy the pleasure of that, right? And I don't want to give it up, but to do it in a very mindful way so that if I'm bringing full awareness and full consciousness to maybe drinking a glass of wine, I can actually be more satisfied with less. It's when we start doing these things because of how we feel emotionally and we're reacting to the feelings that it's very easily easy for it to become mindless and to be tuned out and then of course to not feel satisfied because the food and alcohol doesn't really solve for the emotion and we're not fully satisfied because we're not fully paying attention to the sensory experience of having it.

Lisa:
20:37

mm hmm, yeah,

Molly:
20:38

So I, um, you know, radically changed my relationship with drinking as a result of changing my relationship with food. And it didn't really start out as me kind of giving up alcohol. It started out as me cutting back on drinking because I couldn't be fully conscious eating food. If I was drinking a lot, it's like, okay, well, I'm not, I can't really see, tell what my body's telling me. If If I've had a couple of glasses and I'm tipsy. So as a way to really respond to my body and the feedback I was getting, I started cutting back on drinking. And when I did that, I had this interesting contrast in my experience where I'm like, wow, I can feel pretty good without alcohol. Like I started to really develop desire and, and, and pleasure and not having it. And that desire began to replace the desire I had for the

Lisa:
21:24

The desire to not have it?

Molly:
21:26

Yeah, yeah, I started to create desire not to have it because what I had desire for was how I felt without the alcohol. It's like I want more of these mornings where I'm waking up just in a great mood and energized. I want more of these, like, eight hour stretches of sleep that I wasn't getting when I was drinking. Like, there's so much pleasure in that. I want more of that. And when I wanted more of those things, I lessened my desire for the drinking.

Lisa:
21:53

So if those are the results from drinking less, I just think it's so fascinating that we still have this major, um, drinking culture. And especially, I think, we've been seeing a lot, at least on social media, maybe it's, it's not as much as I think because of what I'm seeing out there. But there just seems to be this mommy wine culture sort of thing. You know, moms turn but drinking is considered a normal part of our culture, which it can be. But why is it so, so common that we see this with like the moms and like, got to have the glass of wine.

Molly:
22:29

Oh, yeah. Well, I think there are a couple of, of key issues. One is that Mothers, as, as you and I both know, are dealing with a lot of responsibility and a lot of everyday stress. Most of the moms that I talk to, and I know from personal experience, go through their days in a constant state of busyness, and one of the number one emotions that they feel is overwhelmed. And when we don't really have the life skills to be able to manage that those feelings, right, most of us are not taught how to deal with feelings, and we don't have the mindset work to understand why we feel overwhelmed, and we're not used to prioritizing ourselves, which is kind of ingrained in the mother identity of everybody else comes first. We put, we set ourselves up to be in this position where we end our day feeling completely exhausted, completely spent, worn out, and with very little energy and focus to be able to maybe relax in different ways or to take care of ourselves in new ways, if we're even thinking about doing that, which many of us are not. Food and alcohol are a very convenient way to just take the edge off. Not only are they a convenient way, but alcohol in particular is addictive. So you develop a taste for, you know, wine and, and you, and your brain starts to crave it more just because of the chemical effect that alcohol has on your brain. And next thing you know, you're watching the clock until it's, it's five so that you can open up a bottle of wine. And then coupled with that is just how normalized drinking is in our culture. I mean, you can't turn on the TV or watch a movie without seeing somebody drink a beer, have a cocktail, pour a glass of wine. And so it's normalized. And of course, it's encouraged by different companies, as you can imagine, right, who are trying to make money.

Lisa:
24:24

I definitely feel abnormal as a non drinker. Like I, I mean, for sure. I feel abnormal all the time.

Molly:
24:32

And I think it's common for many moms to feel left out or feel like they don't belong if they're not participating because it is so normal. And so it's, uh, I think it's a complex issue, but what I like to say is that it's not your fault if you're in this position now where you're struggling. To end the habit of mindless drinking, or you're struggling to figure out a way to not unwind with alcohol, or, you know, what you're looking forward to most about the day is having a drink. It's not your fault. I mean, it is very much encouraged. And if you're not knowledgeable about the effect that alcohol has on your brain, then you might not realize kind of what you're agreeing to when you pour that drink.

Lisa:
25:19

Yeah. And, and yet it's like, well, then what's the alternative? Like how do we manage our jobs and taking care of our family and all, you know, taking care of the house and all the things that we have to do without turning to alcohol and or food for relief. I, I was telling Molly before we started that when I was a young mom, I have four kids and when they were all at home. my sister was like, I just don't know how you get to the end of the day and not have a glass of wine. It was, she, it's not that she's like a major drinker or anything. I'm not trying to like throw her under the bus or anything like that, but it just, it was a memorable conversation to me because it wasn't something that I did. And she was like, I don't even know what that would look like. Like, I don't even know how you don't do that because. It's, you know, just the normal thing to do. It's the normal way to relax. How does, like, how do you manage without?

Molly:
26:18

Yeah, and I'll answer that. But first, I want to say that that says a lot about the effect that alcohol has on our brain, you never introduced it to your brain, right? So you never developed a desire. And this is something that I like to tell people is that there was a time when you didn't care about drinking or alcohol. Because you hadn't introduced it into your system and it's possible to get to get back to it. But, but I know it can feel like you're powerless in the moment when you're in the habit of drinking, but, but the way that, that you, change your lifestyle, I think first and foremost is just by listening to how you feel right now. If it's not having a positive influence on your life, Then it's time to make a change and I promise you that you can feel so much better if you go through the steps of learning how to drink less or deciding to give it up altogether. I do think that you can feel considerably better just by drinking less if that feels easier to you,

Lisa:
27:14

I did just hear the concept of after dry January was a damp February. I was like, that sounds odd, but I get what you're saying. It's just a little bit.

Molly:
27:25

Yes.

Lisa:
27:26

The idea of drinking less, like you can try that too.

Molly:
27:30

Well, and I think when you go through through an experience of having less, uh, I mean, you have to figure out other ways to manage your life. I think one of the things that's tough about something like dry January or just kind of counting down the days of sobriety and saying like, I'm just going to take 30 days off. Is that it's you're almost using willpower to get through it versus really figuring out, okay, how can I decompress at the end of the day, instead of just like watching your clock and just getting until eight o'clock. Okay. And I've gotten through like the witching hour when I'm not thinking about drinking. It's like, Okay, if this is my life now, you know, what are some things that could help me feel better? Or even asking deeper questions like, how can I create a little bit more space for myself during the day so I don't feel so overwhelmed by the time I get home or I don't feel completely exhausted? You know, is it that I give myself a little bit more of a lunch break? Is it that, you know, I give myself a little bit of quiet time in the morning? Is it that I just take some of these things off my plate that I've been expecting myself to manage that might not really be priorities. It really forces you to prioritize yourself, but it's only by making the conscious decision to drink less or to not drink at all, that you're able to figure out new ways to cope. And. What you start to notice is like, wow, I actually have more energy if I'm not drinking. There are more things I can get done if I want to, or I'm more present with my kids and I really am feeling better at the end of the day because I spent time connecting with them or I didn't completely pass out when I got into bed. So I was able to spend some time reading and like, I actually feel more relaxed and I'm sleeping better at night. So just overall my, my, my mood is better. I mean, I'll tell you that across the board, the clients that I work with on drinking less, and they're all moms, by the way, tell me that one of the noticeable shifts is just how much more positive their thinking is without alcohol, which is very fascinating. I had the same experience where alcohol can have this effect because it's a depressant of really creating just kind of more of a negative way of thinking about yourself, about your life.

Lisa:
29:47

And is that all the time, like during the day or just during while they're drinking? Are they talking about having a more positive outlook 24 hours a day?

Molly:
29:56

Yeah. Yeah. Throughout the day. I mean, alcohol, I, I forget how long it takes to leave your system, but this is not something that, that just is affecting you while you're drinking. In fact, usually when you're drinking, you might feel that mild euphoria. That's why most people crave it. Or you might just like feel relaxed. Right. But there's that, that, um, that after effect of, you know, heightened anxiety, more restlessness. Yes. Uh, generally, you know, seeing things through a negative lens. I mean, a lot of my clients tell me that they feel a lot worse about themselves, not because they're drinking, but more just because they're just like, not as confident, their mood is not as elevated as they are when they're not drinking.

Lisa:
30:41

It's not that they're judging themselves for drinking thinking I'm a bad person because I drink it's The actual effects of the alcohol. That's fascinating.

Molly:
30:50

Yeah. And, and that's kind of the way I felt. I mean, and, and you'll, you could see how it would have a ripple effect. You don't sleep well during the night. You have heightened anxiety. The next morning you're struggling to stay awake. You're grumpy, you're cranky, and then you're hungry, right? Of course, it really affects your appetite and your cravings as well. And so everything is out of alignment and, and, and you never really catch up. I mean, how most people cope is by looking forward to having a drink at five o'clock again to just take the edge off.

Lisa:
31:20

Yeah. And like you said, you, you have this experience and you wouldn't have described yourself as an alcoholic. It's not like we're talking about people that are alcoholics. This is just with regular use, which doesn't necessarily equate to that term. Would you agree?

Molly:
31:38

100%. the people that I talk to are people like me who have realized that their everyday drinking, while they can still function, is really just impacting them in a negative way. Like, it's just generally not leading to a good quality of life, or they're noticing some physical side effects that are preventing them from really feeling their best. I mean, oftentimes we're less motivated to exercise. Of course, we're less motivated to eat well. and so it's in this kind of area where, where oftentimes we justify drinking because we are saying, well, this is like two to three glasses is like, that's considered normal. Or like my friends drink that much or. That's like when we go out, everybody's drinking that much. Some people are even drinking more. So, you know, and so there are oftentimes we don't take any action because we do think that technically it doesn't seem like it's a problem. But our bodies, and this is for people, you know, who are starting to listen to their bodies and realizing that it has become a problem. They're really not feeling great and it's affecting their, their lifestyle.

Lisa:
32:48

Let's talk a little bit. about alcohol in association with weight loss, I have had clients that have told me like when I drink, I make worse decisions, not just during the time that they are drinking like at the dinner party or whatever, but also the next day. That they feel like their, uh, their decision making regarding their food choices is altered. And so in that way, it's affecting their ability to lose weight. What are some of the other ways that you would say that alcohol impacts your ability to lose weight? I mean, obviously the, the calories, quote unquote, you know, But. in what other ways is it affecting your ability to lose weight?

Molly:
33:31

I really think one of the fundamental skills that people need to learn if they want to be at their ideal weight and do so while eating a wide variety of foods that they love is that they have to really get tuned into their body. To be able to listen, like, am I actually hungry? And then when they're eating when they're hungry, to then listen, okay, when, when am I at that ideal satiety point? when you drink, you're no longer fully conscious. It doesn't matter if you've had a glass of wine or five glasses of wine. You've already affected that ability to be fully aware and fully present. So that is, I think, one of the main reasons why it's harder to lose weight when you're drinking. of course, the more you drink, the more likely you are to just justify giving into cravings, right? You're not thinking intentionally, you're not thinking mindfully, and, um, you're likely to just continue eating. And so I think that that is really the big obstacle. As far as including alcohol with weight loss. Now, I don't think it's impossible. In fact, I do have some clients who will drink, you know, a few glasses a week, but they do it in a very mindful way where it is through a practice of, you know, making a decision to have the drink, deciding how much they're going to have, you know, being strategic about how that's going to be incorporated into the day, making sure they're separating out any kind of emotional processing from drinking. And then sitting down and being fully conscious while they're drinking, whatever they've chosen to drink. That means taking the first sip, really noticing the flavor, noticing how it feels in their body, you know, taking another sip, noticing how it feels. Most of us are not in the habit of doing this or prepared to do this, right? We're doing it in a very mindless way. And so it's easy to just keep drinking and drinking to the point where you're no longer making rational decisions.

Lisa:
35:22

What do you say about people that are drinking because of the social aspect? This is again, something I've had clients with. And like I said, at the beginning, I don't have expertise in this area. And so sometimes, although of course I can use the tools. Have with our the same life coaching technique, sometimes I feel a little lost when they're like, I feel like I should, because everyone else is, I feel, you know, so and so offered it to me, and so I have a hard time saying no, how is alcohol different than food in that way? Because I'm offered food, you know, And sometimes I'm like, oh, I should eat it because my mom made it or so and so made it or gave it to me or brought it over or whatever, but alcohol seems a little bit different. And because I'm in a position where I'm just not a drinker, that's part of my identity, like when I'm offered it, and I have been. Just the very recent past, you know, get, arrive at a party and everybody was given a glass of wine and I just said no thanks and it was no big deal to me, but for some people that's a huge deal. How do they manage those social situations when they are trying to drink less?

Molly:
36:33

Well, I love the example that you gave because the reason why it's not a big deal to you is because you're fully confident in your decision. And it's just not something that you desire. Right? So I think that there are a couple parts to to how you would work through a situation like this. One is really. determining does the person want to drink or not. If it's a case where the person genuinely doesn't want to drink, but they're just doing it because they feel obligated, then it's a matter of really, stepping into that discomfort of saying no and actually going through the experience. very well planned way, right? Oftentimes when I'm working with people on this, we come up with things that they're going to say, we come up with a game plan for the whole night. So they, they feel like they know how they're going to navigate every step of the way, but it's really often a bigger problem in our minds than it is in reality. And, but you do need to put yourself in that situation of, of. In a way that feels comfortable for you and it doesn't have to look like I've decided not to drink or no, I'm not going to drink at all. I mean, there are ways that you can say it that feel much easier.

Lisa:
37:40

Like you don't have to put up a billboard like, I'm not drinking today.

Molly:
37:44

you certainly don't have to explain yourself and most people genuinely don't care, right? But it's, it's really giving yourself that opportunity to say no and to go through a night of not drinking if that's what you want so that you can realize, first of all, I can do this. You can develop confidence that you can do it. You can realize how much better you feel and then you can just notice that it's not as hard as you thought. Now, I do have clients that, that want to drink, have a couple of drinks instead of like eight, they want to have two and that's a completely different plan, but that plan is totally doable too. I've had a lot of people be successful with going into a dinner party or going to a party and just deciding like two is the max and here's how I'm going to bring. my full focus to making sure that I accomplish this one goal. Usually we're not hyper focused or attentive to our decisions to drink, but it's something that I promise you most people can do. They just need guidance and they need to have a plan.

Lisa:
38:43

And they need to have the desire to change in that way too. Like if somebody is listening to this and they're like, yeah, but I just don't care. Like I don't want to drink less than this also is not going to work for you. Right. You have to kind of be deciding like, this is something I'm interested in investigating how I'm going to feel.

Molly:
39:04

Yeah. And, and the other thing, Lisa is alcohol affects people in different ways. So you could, you could have a friend who has a couple glasses of wine and is fine, totally in control, feels great, doesn't have any, any negative side effects, but maybe it affects you differently. I wouldn't write off your personal experience, right? If you're somebody where you, you have a great relationship with alcohol, you're not really experiencing a lot of negative side effects, it's not impacting you in a negative way. It doesn't sound like there's a problem, but if you are and you're comparing yourself to somebody who doesn't seem like they're struggling with it, don't use that against yourself. Just trust your own inner wisdom and, and also know that it's possible that you can change your relationship with drinking if you want to. And that's really, you know, where your focus should be is on, okay, how can I address my, address my own needs and stop comparing myself to what everybody else is doing.

Lisa:
40:00

It's so tricky when you're like thinking, but this is normal because I mean, it sounds harsh to say this, but normal in America also is being overweight or obese because more Americans are overweight or obese. And again, that's according to the BMI. So I don't love that scale, but it's kind of the best we have at this point. But when you say like, I just want to feel normal, like actually that is normal. To be overweight. And I think that's the same with drinking. Like it is normal, but you can just decide actually. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want that. I want to be unusual. I want to be the one that feels great in the morning. I want to be the one that has more space and control over my thoughts. I think I just keep going back to what you said about your clients feeling more positive thinking overall. I find that to be really fascinating that they're just better able to have positive thoughts during the day,

Molly:
40:55

Yeah.

Lisa:
40:55

even when alcohol is not in their system.

Molly:
40:57

Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's amazing. And it just keeps getting better. I mean, this is, um, I was thinking recently about this month, like being in the middle of winter and how in the past I almost without fail would feel kind of depressed this time of year. And I always attributed it to just the season, right? The lack of sunlight. And I just thought, Oh, it's just that time of year, there's not a lot of sunlight. I haven't had that at all this winter, and I'm not drinking at all. And so I have to think it's because there's not alcohol involved. It's fascinating to me. I think so many things we write off as like, well, this is, you know, like I used to think my anxiety was the result of just genetics and sort of family history of anxiety until I stopped drinking and the anxiety went away. Right? I used to think that my, one of my struggles with overeating was just the food. Well, when I stopped drinking, it also became so much easier to stay just, you know, very mindful of how much I needed. So if you're somebody who's a regular drinker, you might not realize the impact that alcohol has in so many different areas of your life, but it really is fascinating the more it's out of your system. How much better you feel? I mean, just energy wise, um, right. There's so many excuses we make. Well, I'll say excuses, but we also, you know, sometimes think that this is based on facts. It's like, well, I'm in my forties. I'm going through hormonal changes as a woman. Like maybe this is just normal. I always, you know, encourage people, well, like, just, like, look at your lifestyle first. See if there's anything that you can change in the way that you're eating and the way that you're drinking and your movement. Because oftentimes those things just make a huge difference. And for me, that was absolutely true with drinking.

Lisa:
42:45

Yeah, so good. Oh, I love this conversation. Is there any last piece of wisdom that we have missed anything that you want to share?

Molly:
42:54

I always just like to encourage people to start leaning into the possibility that things could be different. I know, especially with an inhabit of drinking, you can almost feel like it's impossible. To change it. That's the way that I felt. I, like I said, I didn't do anything for a couple of years because I just thought, I don't see, I don't see how I could give this up. This is the one thing that's just for me. But it is possible. And if you're somebody who really wants to feel better, and if you want to look better, I want you to just know that you can experience even more pleasure than maybe what you're imagining right now. Or at least that was true for me. That's been true with my clients is that you can have an even more pleasurable life, at midlife, like I'm in my late forties and I experienced more pleasure now than I did when I was in my twenties. That's possible, but you have to like lean into the possibility that you could figure it out if you have the right tools. And that's just what I want to leave people with because I know that it can feel pretty hopeless, but I just want you to know that your life can be different if you're willing to take the time to kind of. Figure things out and get to some of the underlying reasons why maybe you're eating and drinking more than, than you need to right now.

Lisa:
44:09

I feel like I was listening to that and thinking that's what I thought about sugar. Because although I'm not a drinker, I was really a lot into sugar. I ate a lot of sugar.

Molly:
44:20

it's very similar. Very similar.

Lisa:
44:23

What would life be like if I didn't have dessert every night and every after every lunch and maybe an afternoon cookie like I don't it's my only it's my thing like when you're like this is the thing I do for myself I was like it's my only thing because I don't drink and I don't smoke and I don't do drugs like it's my only thing so I think this is so applicable to anything like Like this, not just the, the over drinking or the overeating, but even just like too much sugar or too, you know, things that you might be struggling with. And you're like, what would it even look like to not do that thing?

Molly:
44:55

Oh, I mean, I am so glad you brought up sugar, because when I stopped drinking, I all of a sudden realized that sugar had almost the exact same effect on my brain that alcohol did. I hadn't seen it because I'd always been drinking and eating desserts. When I took the alcohol away, I'm like, wait, the only other time that I get this same feeling of like compulsive Eating or like needing to have more like just think having all of these cravings is around sugar. That's interesting I wonder if sugar is impacting my brain the same way alcohol did and it turns out there's a lot of Research that shows that it does so I I think that's such a great Comparison that you brought up because it is another a whole nother area that people really struggle with

Lisa:
45:40

definitely. I mean, I definitely have in the past and still sometimes I find myself, Oh, Oh, I've been. Eating sugar again this week and like it just sneaks right in without Seemingly without me realizing and then the more I have the more I crave and so I'm like, all right time to cut back down Again, and so I definitely I'm not like a strict no sugar person. So When you're thinking about like the drinking less, that's how I am. I'm like eating less, but I've been really aware of like added sugar foods lately, and, um, it's been such a great change of language for me, rather than saying, using words like treats, I just. I'm aware of foods with added sugar because, well, I'm not a dog and I don't need a treat for good behavior

Molly:
46:25

Yes. And it's, it's all, it's all just the mindfulness to you just being mindful of, oh, this is how my, my body, my body and my brain respond when I have too much sugar. I don't know that I really want that. Like, I like the sweet taste, but I don't really want all of the cravings. So how can I just be more intentional about the kinds of sugar? How much sugar? When I do have it. So they don't have to give it up, but I just want to do it. And this is what I call like the sweet spot, you know, having the sugar in a very mindful way, but having it in balance with feeling good and figuring out what is that ideal balance.

Lisa:
47:02

yeah. Not just eating sugar when you're feeling sad or frustrated or depressed.

Molly:
47:07

Although sometimes that happens, none of us are perfect. And it's about just accepting that sometimes that happens. And that's not a reason to. You know, give yourself a hard time.

Lisa:
47:16

Yeah, yeah. Don't beat yourself up afterwards, for sure. Alright, tell us a little bit about where we can find your book, and where we can find you online,

Molly:
47:24

Absolutely. So, my book is coming out on April 2nd. It's available for pre order now, and you can find out more, more by going to my website, www. mollyzemek. com. And I also have a podcast called weight loss for food lovers. And, um, you could also find me on Instagram at mollyzemek.

Lisa:
47:44

Great! Of course, we'll put all those links in the show notes, and I'm looking forward to reading the book.

Molly:
47:49

Well, thank you so much, Lisa.

Lisa:
47:51

If this episode has helped you in any way, all I ask is for you to share it, share it with one friend or share it on your social media tag me, and I'll give you a shout out. I'd also love for you to leave a five-star rating on apple and Spotify and review the show on apple podcasts. Have a great week and as always, thanks for listening to the eat. Well think. Well live well podcast.