Why Too Much Food Freedom Feels Overwhelming [Ep. 146]

0:00 This is the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast. I am Lisa Salisbury and this is episode 146. Why too much food Freedom feels overwhelming. Welcome to eat well. Well, the podcast for busy women who want to lose weight without constantly counting, tracking, or stressing over every bite. I'm Lisa Salsbury, a certified health weight loss and life coach, and most importantly, a recovered chronic dieter here. You'll learn to listen to your body and uncover the reasons you're reaching for food. When you're not truly hungry, freeing you to focus on a healthier, more fulfilling approach to eating. Hello, my lovely listeners.

0:42 I so enjoy hearing from you. And as you know, if you were listening last week, I have a content survey like for the podcast, a content request survey thing going on right now. So should take you just three or four minutes to let me know what your questions are that I can answer on the podcast. And. A little bit about maybe what you're thinking and struggling with. Maybe also, um, some ideas about who I can seek out to help us answer your questions in terms of guests as well. That link is in the show notes, and I'd be so delighted if you could take a few minutes to fill that out. And there's a lot of just like questions. You just get to tick the box. It's not like, you know, the whole thing isn't just like a free response. Write some paragraphs. There's a couple like that, but very limited.

1:23 So it's easy. It's easy. Um, so as a thank you everyone that participated. Bates will be entered into a drawing for an Amazon gift card, so I've got that open for a couple more weeks. Today I wanna talk about that delicate balance between restriction and freedom. Feels like opposite ends of the spectrum, but with dieting and weight loss, they are more like two sides to the same coin. I hear you say. I don't wanna feel so restricted, I just want to eat intuitively, or why can't I just eat whatever I want? Um, often the restrictions come with followed up by like binge type cycles or overeating type cycles.

2:04 When I restrict super hard, then I end up overeating. But I also hear you say things like, I feel out of control around food, or, I never know what to eat. I don't know what the right choices are. Or, I end up overeating when it's, you know, fill in the blank end of the day when I'm having a hard one. You know, those kinds of things. So happens a lot at the end of a long day, but. A lot of times it's like I just, I don't know what to do and so I end up overeating. So what you'll notice here is that you are, you are rejecting that restriction that comes with overly regimented diets, rightfully so. I mean, after a couple decades of following one diet or another, I am right there with you.

2:47 I don't want that kind of restriction that comes with, you know, following the food list found in Appendix C of my latest diet book purchase, or. Making tuna salad on whole wheat crackers and raw carrot sticks because that's what week two, day four lunch is like when I actually don't really enjoy tuna and unless there's ranch for the carrots, it's a no for me. Um, oh, actually though, I did just go through like a full court jar of pickled carrots, and that is one way I love eating raw carrots. Maybe I'll put that recipe on Instagram this week if y'all would want that. Um, anyway, we don't want that kind of restriction and yet. Yet being told you can lose weight and still eat all the things you love.

3:30 Like some Women's Day Magazine headline sometimes feels like too much freedom. Like what do you mean just eat everything? That's what I have been doing and look where it's gotten me. So you feel out of control and you never know actually what to eat, but you don't really want. Super restricted diet either. Okay, so see how like that restriction of traditional, or may I say fad diet is too much, but we need something. So let's redefine some of these terms. Restriction feels like deprivation, diet rules, a lot of all or nothing thinking, and especially it's external control, right?

4:11 Someone else is telling you what to do. Even if you bought the book, even if you bought the meal plan online, I know I'm always referencing diet books because that's kind of the, um, you know, the era that I grew up in. I'm sure everybody now is just buying them off the internet. But, um, you know, buying plans off the internet, but you know what I mean. It's someone else telling you, even if you decide to buy it, they're still giving you the rules. Okay. We wanna transition that into something that feels more like. Boundaries. Boundaries are a self-created structure. They show your intention. They say, this is how I'm going to act in a certain situation. They are supportive limits and they are kind.

4:52 These are things you will do in a given situation without regard to what others are choosing or even what diets say you should or shouldn't do. Boundaries are personal restrictions that actually feel like love. So then not restrictive at all. The other side of that coin is that food freedom. This feels like eating whatever you want. No limits on types of food you eat. And sometimes this can even veer into a no limit on amount of food eaten. We want to transition this also into boundaries. We are like taking these two sides of the coin, that restriction and the food freedom and creating one loving structure.

5:33 Boundaries in the face of food freedom are those supportive limits to remind you what truly feels good in your body. I'm gonna have lots of examples about, um, how the, the boundaries actually support food, that food freedom side of the coin all throughout this episode. But essentially what we're looking for. Is how to incorporate yes, some of your favorite foods and how to not be restrictive of particular food groups or all kinds of foods with sugar or you know, things that typically we see in a no-no list on a fad diet and how we incorporate those, using our boundaries and doing it in a way that feels amazing still in our bodies.

6:18 So we know that children crave boundaries and I'm not sure that adults really outgrow. This Research consistently shows that children actually thrive when they have clear, consistent limits. So these kinds of things help give them a sense of security and helps them understand how the world works. I've seen this, um, example before, but you kind of think of boundaries for children as the edges of their sandbox. It helps define the safe space where they can play and explore and learn about the world. Since a child's brain doesn't fully develop like their prefrontal cortex, that is, it doesn't fully develop until age 25. You're actually acting as your child's.

7:00 External prefrontal cortex. By setting these boundaries, you're helping them make sense of the world around them in ways that their developing brain can't fully manage yet. So my clients aren't children. You're not a child. We have fully functioning prefrontal cortexes, but when it comes to food, we often resort to our lower brain, and what do I often call that brain? The toddler part. It's that part that just does all the habit things. So we grab a bowl of cereal at 9:00 PM because that's our habit and routine, not because we're necessarily hungry. I think this is also the part that wants that free for all food freedom.

7:40 It's like, I deserve it. I need a break. I need to calm this anxiety. And I know food works that lower brain acts like a toddler a lot of the time. It wants what it wants right now and when we are just in this. Food freedom mindset. Without any guidelines, you can sometimes feel a little bit out of control. So just like we provide safe boundaries for a child, setting boundaries for yourself is just as kind and loving. It helps take the pressure off the need. For that prefrontal cortex to constantly be engaged in your food decisions. You use it to create the boundaries, and then you don't have to continue to make so many food decisions throughout the day.

8:22 So some of these boundaries are just. For the day. But a lot of the things we're gonna talk about are kind of the global or overarching boundaries and guidelines you want to use in order to achieve your goals, whether that be a certain health, parameter, if you're trying to lower your cholesterol, or if you're going for a lower weight. Those kinds of things are your goals. Okay, so boundaries feel safe because they reduce decision fatigue, they eliminate a lot of food, drama, and they create clarity and self trust. Love getting into more self-trust when we do what we say we're going to do. It's so awesome. So, um, let's talk about some examples of these boundaries.

9:06 Okay. So think of these kind of as, like I said, some of them are, some of, some of it can be your, uh, 24 hour practical plan, but some of these are your decisions ahead of time. I did a decisions ahead of time episode like. Anciently, like I think in single digits worth of episodes. So, uh, we haven't talked about this in a long time, but we use our prefrontal cortex, that part of the brain that can think into the future effectively, and that part that actually cares about the future self. That's the part that we use to set these decisions ahead of time or boundaries. Your lower toddler brain does not care at all how you are going to feel tomorrow.

9:47 That part just wants to feel better right now. That's why it's like food works. It'll help me feel better right now, right? We're not thinking about how bad we're gonna feel after that entire bowl of popcorn, like how, not mentally, but how bad your actual body. Is gonna feel right. Your, your, your toddler brain, your lower brain does not care. Your prefrontal cortex cares. And that's the part that we make these decisions from. So, um, the first boundary you could set is, I plan ahead what I'm going to eat. So you're gonna, you know, go back and listen if you haven't to some of my 24 hour practical plan episodes, really get that dialed in. Um, you can also just. Kind of create some guidelines about the way that you eat.

10:28 So you might decide, I don't eat standing up. Um, setting a boundary like this helps you to eat intentionally. Think about some of the foods that you tend to eat while you're standing up. Is it chips straight from the bag in the pantry? It's not usually a salad, right? So if you, if you create this rule, you're like, I, I need to sit down with a plate or a bowl. And eat it intentionally. Um, another one I really like is to close the kitchen after dinner. When you tidy up the kitchen after dinner, whether you're a person who fully does the dishes every night, that's me. I love going to bed with a clean kitchen or you just put away food and dishes are a morning activity.

11:08 You can still close the kitchen by filling your water bottle, turning off the lights and mentally saying the kitchen is closed. It's just like when you're at a hotel and they have hours for room service. I don't know, I don't really order room service. I don't know if they have hours, but it seems like it would be like a thing they do. Right. Anyway, they might, you might call up and be like, can I get some pancakes? And they're like, no, sorry. The kitchen is closed. So you can, you can do that same thing with your kitchen by turning the lights off. And telling your brain the kitchen is closed. Um, eating at consistent times instead of grazing this boundary really helps you to again, be intentional. This is similar to like the not eating, uh, standing up and I like to pair it with that one, but it also just kind of reminds you to wait for meal time so that you are waiting for hunger.

11:56 You don't eat when your body isn't queuing you, that it is time for a meal, right? You wait until you're ready for a meal rather than consistently grabbing little snacks and then just being slightly hungry and never all the way satisfied in the day. So eating at consistent times instead of grazing is really the idea of using the, um, the threes rule with, the hunger scale. So you start eating at a negative three and you eat. All the way through to a positive three on the hunger scale, and you do that usually three times a day. So just thinking about waiting for hunger for a full meal, not just a little bit hungry, not just preventative hunger like you know you're eating in case you might get hungry later.

12:40 Right? All of that is kind of grazing. We wanna eat. A full meal and then wait until we're hungry again. Um, another one that, you might set is to not bring home foods that are always going to be a binge or overeat trigger. So this is an interesting boundary. Some would say that it leans into restriction if you're like, but all foods can be included. Yes, they totally can. But also remember, boundaries are kind. What is the kindest thing you can do around these foods? Do you want to manage the emotional turmoil of resisting that food when you are just first learning these skills? I often will recommend my clients just not buy those things that are particularly hard to stop eating.

13:21 Don't go throwing everything out in your pantry. This is just the idea that maybe just don't replenish. Those things that you've noticed are hard for you to stop eating until you have built up more skill around processing cravings. I know this also can be tricky because you buy things that the kids or the rest of the family wants. So this is often one of those nuance conversations that can happen in coaching calls, but I wanted to give you that as an idea of like another type of boundary you could set. So, um, you can see how this isn't really limiting your food freedom as far as like. What foods you're particularly going to choose. Very little of what I said was about particular foods except for that last one. But it gets you thinking about the structure of your eating habits and how you want your day to flow.

14:07 It keeps you from getting to the end of the evening thinking, I blew it again. I just never make the right food choices. How many times have you laid in bed thinking that. Like, we don't, we don't have to think that anymore, I promise. I was, um, looking at a resource online for how to set boundaries for children because I just felt like that was really connecting to this idea. Um, you know, thinking about the toddler brain, and I loved their outline for how to set boundaries, so I'm gonna use their titles. this is like from a nurturing website and show you how they apply. In setting boundaries for yourself around your health and weight loss goals. So number one, you're gonna set boundaries from a place of calm leadership.

14:49 You don't wanna set boundaries for your health goals from a place of desperation, which sounds like I've gotta get this weight off before the wedding, the cruise, the reunion, right? We've been in that desperate place. I love this idea of thinking about calm leadership. If you were the leader of your brain and you are in a calm space, thinking about your future, what would your boundaries look like? For me, this would be thinking about how much protein or fiber I want to eat in a day, or how many times per week. I want to eat a sweet treat. The food freedom free for all screams every day, every meal. But when you're looking at your goals and thinking about how you wanna feel day in and day out right now and in years to come.

15:31 You are probably gonna set a different boundary than that every, every day, every meal, right? Okay. Number two is use firm, yet loving language. You know, I always say you can't hate yourself. Then we've all tried it. Criticize yourself enough to get moving and it might work for a minute, but really you take care of the things that you love. So in your weight loss or your eating boundaries, it would look like using positive language and add in. and crowd out type language. Okay? So instead of using restrictive words like no cookies, you would be saying eat two servings of fruit per day.

16:11 This is add in language, and if you choose these, add in foods strategically, you will naturally crowd out foods you don't want to eat. So if you get my drift here, a lot of people are really, I notice this a lot with my clients when they come to me with their first week, first couple weeks of food journals, and I'm like, what do you notice about, you know, produce. And, uh, so many of my clients are like, I really don't need any fruit. And it's such a diety thing to be like, just have a small piece of fruit for a dessert. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if we add in more fruit, and specifically if you wanna put it at your lunch or at the end of your meal or include it in dinner, you might just notice.

16:56 You don't have as much of a craving for sweets. It's not to be a substitute. It's to be an add in. Let's crowd out some of those sweets we're not gonna have room for, and we naturally can get some of that sweet feeling from the fruit. So that's what I mean by the add in language. But also don't be vague, right? It's the firm yet loving language. So don't be vague about these boundaries. They can be firm. So notice I didn't say the goal or boundary is to eat more fruit. That's way too big. I was specific. I said eat two fruit servings a day or, or three or four or whatever that you're going for. Um, but be specific. Be specific about the, the amount that you wanna include. okay, number three is offer a creative Yes.

17:38 So for children, this is like, um, let's practice touching the cat with soft hands. Right. You can picture the cat, the poor cat right now, and the kid that's like grabbing its tail. Um, instead of, you know, and your instinct is just to yell out like, no, don't, don't grab the cat. Um, but for me, this looks like being creative about your quality of life foods. So again, these are those added sugar foods and you might be more of a salty snacks type person. I mean, I like chips and guacamole, but I could honestly give that up forever. Way easier than giving up pie and cheesecake. So. Here's an example of a creative. Yes. I've used in the past. I got a new cookbook, shout out to two peas in their pod. It's a great one.

18:18 And I was looking through it, thinking how many good recipes there were in the dessert section. Of course, I skipped right to that section and my diet mentality brain kicked in and was like, yeah, well you can't eat all this stuff or you'll gain weight gain so sad. Too bad for you. Right? Um, but I'm like, oh. Thanks, thanks for that brain. That's not actually how, how we think anymore. Which by the way, a lot of clients will be like, how long until, I don't think these things probably never, probably never. your toddler brain is still gonna be there. It's still gonna offer you things like that. But immediately I was like, no, that's actually not true. Um, so I set out to make one of the desserts in the book each Sunday until I made them all. It wasn't a huge chapter, and all four of my kids were still living at home, or maybe just three.

19:01 I don't know. Anyway, I'm just saying there was plenty of people around to eat it up and not have tons of leftover dessert for days on end. So I planned to have one really, really great dessert. Each Sunday, I'd enjoy it as part of a meal sitting down at the table with my family. And needless to say, one of my son's favorite cakes come from that time, that cookbook. And it's a repeater recipe around here. So get creative about ways to work in your favorite foods or those quality of life foods that you want to say yes to without it being so much freedom that it feels like there aren't any parameters and you are left floundering. Okay? Number four is to be consistent. Consistency wins in weight loss, not just in in child rearing.

19:45 Above all else, just consistently doing. The boring stuff is what gets you results. So don't try to have different rules for different days. Don't try to eat dramatically different according to your cycle. Those diets that are made up to make you think your hormones are complicated and you need the, their secret formula to eat particular foods in particular weeks of your, menstrual cycle like. Sure you might be more hungry in some weeks of your cycle. Definitely. I notice that with clients and we adjust for that, but generally the boundaries you're setting for excellent ways to nourish your body will work all month long. So simple, consistent boundaries that work long term. These also, also, I want you to think here, like not crazy wacko fad diet rules, right?

20:31 These are things that you're like, if I was still doing this when I'm 75, I wouldn't think it was weird. That's consistency. Okay. and number five is follow through with boundaries. So follow through with kids means there's gonna be consequences for cross crossing a boundary, but I don't want you to think you need to punish yourself or take something away from yourself. If you slip up. You don't need to go into restriction mode. The follow through with yourself is the very next bite Strategy. Follow through as an adult means that when you overeat or eat something you know is gonna feel bad in your body, you just go back to eating as planned the next time you eat that very next bite.

21:12 So there's no criticism. There's no negative self-talk, no need to create new rules about restriction or just give up on your boundaries altogether. The follow through is getting back. To your basics, getting back to those basic boundaries that you set. Okay. I've got some final thoughts for you. I want you to think about boundaries as self-care. Not self punishment. You're not being good. When you follow the boundaries you've set for yourself, you're being in alignment with what you know works the best for your body. These kinds of of word changes in your brain, I promise you, make all the difference as you implement this.

21:52 I want you to be thinking. What kinds, or asking rather what kind of boundary would actually support the way I want to feel in my body and give me just the right amount of structure. That's what we're looking for. I, I was with my mom at the doctor appointment yesterday. Um, as, as per always, I go to all her appointments with her and he was giving her some guidelines for eating because, um, she's kind of in a pre pre-diabetes range and he told her no more ice cream. And she was like, wait, what? Like ever. And he goes, yeah, yeah, change is gonna be a little painful. If it's not, it's not really a change. And I think that's the other major fallacy with the folks that are pushing this food freedom all the time.

22:35 Idea. If you wanna change how you feel, it might be kind of painful at first to adhere to your new boundaries. It might suck a little. You don't have to kill yourself on 1200 calories and two hours of exercise a day to lose weight. But it also is gonna feel a little different than what you're currently doing, and that's okay. Don't mistake a little discomfort for restriction. Don't mistake the fact that you want a food that you've decided ahead, doesn't work for you as too diy. It's okay for it to be a little bit hard. Just remember it's this middle space where freedom. And structure coexist.

23:17 Boundaries are the bridge from overwhelm and restriction into peace. If something in today's episode made you think differently or gave you that little nudge that you needed, that's exactly why I do this. If you need some help with the, uh, it's gonna be a little bit hard aspect. I'd love to support you. Start with my free, what to do when you overeat. Course this is for you. If you find yourself overeating too many times in a week to see lasting weight loss, you'll get the reset and recover guide and figure out. How to reduce your overeats and not beat yourself up about it. You can also schedule a free consult session to see if my full 12 week one-on-one coaching program is right for you.

23:58 All the links are in the show notes. Remember, it's not just about the food. It's about empowering yourself with choices that truly serve you. Have a great week and as always, thanks for listening and sharing the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.