Two Things Are True: Embracing the Tension Between Self-Love and Self-Improvement [Ep. 142]

0:00 This is the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast. I'm Lisa Salsbury and this is episode 142. Two things are true, embracing the tension between self-love and self-improvement. Welcome to eat well. Well, the podcast for busy women who want to lose weight without constantly counting, tracking, or stressing over every bite. I'm Lisa Salsbury, a certified health weight loss and life coach, and most importantly, a recovered chronic dieter here. You'll learn to listen to your body and uncover the reasons you're reaching for food. When you're not truly hungry, freeing you to focus on a healthier, more fulfilling approach to eating.

0:41 Welcome back to The Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast. Today's episode is one that I think will feel like a breath of fresh air, maybe a deep exhale for you and just feel, I just want you to feel supported in this one. So we're talking about a concept I read in the book called Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy, and it's this, that two things can be true at the same time. Now this is. You know, super simple. It's just, um, almost too simple. But let me tell you, it is one mindset shift that can unlock a lot of compassion and forward momentum when it comes to your relationship with food, your body, and your goals. I promise it's not just for parenting, like Dr.

1:22 Kennedy teaches. This simple phrase is powerful because it validates two often conflicting realities. Secondly, it acknowledges the tension between them. And lastly, it creates a space to find resolution or peace with the tension. And I have to admit, I first saw Dr. Lindsay Ogle mention this on Instagram, and she just in the. Bottom of her post, she's like, two things are true. And I was like, oh, that's so good. And I, it made me think of, you know, listening to that, but good inside. And so I was like, I'm gonna expand on that idea from Dr. Ogle and give you six different examples of where two things are true with your health and weight loss, and help you find the notice, the tension that's occurring.

2:09 And the resolution or peace with that. And, um, that's created by these two things being true. So diving in with the first one, and this is the example that Dr. Ogle gave, and um, so this is the biggest one and what everything else is based on. So number one is I love and accept myself, and I want to take steps to improve my health. This is, you know, the cornerstone of the work I do with my clients. It's what sets us apart from diet culture, which tells you you have to hate your body in order to change it. Um, I, I don't know if that's like diet culture or it's just like always where I was coming from. I just thought if I had enough, if I, you know, was annoyed enough, I would work harder.

2:53 Um, but that's just not true. You can absolutely love yourself right now in the exact body you're in. And still want to improve your health. And Dr. Ogle was talking about this from a health at any size perspective, that the idea that if we want to change people and offer, um, obesity medicine as she does, even weight loss drugs, help pharmaceutical help with that, that it was telling a person that they must change, but it's just not true. You can love yourself. And take steps to improve your health. And in fact, that's where the best motivation comes from is love. Love creates a totally different energy for change than shame does.

3:35 When you love your body, you want to take care of it. You're not punishing it, you are honoring it. So the tension on this one comes from, it can feel like if you truly loved yourself. That you wouldn't want to change, but the peace and resolution when you understand that these two things can be true is that love is what fuels care, not what cancels it. You can let go of the guilt. Wanting to improve your health isn't rejection of yourself. It's respect. You're saying. I love myself enough to show up. All right. Number two is I know what to do. And I still struggle to do it consistently.

4:17 I've talked about consistency a couple times in the last couple podcasts, so I know this probably sounds familiar and probably in your brain as well, right? If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I know what to eat, I just can't seem to do it. I'd probably be recording this episode from a private island. But seriously, this is so normal, knowing the how. Doesn't always mean the doing will come easy, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. There's a whole emotional and mental load that comes with being a busy woman. Kids work, stress schedules, decision fatigue. Consistency takes more than just information. If all we needed was information with the advent of Google and Chat GPT, we'd all just be doing this.

5:01 Exactly. Correct. Right. Whatever correct is, but. If this is you, please know you are not broken. If you're like, I know what to do, and I, and I'm just not doing it consistently, you just need support building habits that actually work for your real life. So you're feeling tension with this one because it's frustrating to feel like you're smart and capable, but can't follow through. But the piece comes when you realize consistency isn't just about knowledge, it's about building habits, emotional capacity, and realistic systems, you are not failing your learning. So when you think I know what to do and I still struggle to do it consistently, that's what I want you to remember.

5:45 You're not failing your learning. Number three, I Overate last night and I'm still a healthy eater. This one is for all my perfectionist. Hi, I see you. It's me too. You might think that one night of overeating means you've blown it or that you are off track, but the truth is what you do most of the time is what matters. Again, this is. That like consistency piece, right? Your identity as a healthy eater isn't defined by one meal or even one rough day. This two things are true. Mindset gives you permission to hold both. Yes, I overate, and yes, I'm still someone who takes care of my body.

6:28 You don't have to wait to be perfect before you claim that identity. You can believe it today. You can live into it even with a few missteps. That's real life. The tension feels like you've undone your progress or proved you can't change. That's where the tension comes from with these two conflicting thoughts. But the piece comes when you realize that being a healthy eater is a pattern, not a perfection streak. One moment doesn't erase your identity, it reinforces your humanity. Let me just add here on this one that I do have a. Really lovely free course for you. It's a three part video series.

7:09 It's what to do when you overeat, when you're trying to lose weight, and it's just absolutely perfect for if this is kind of one of these things that you are struggling with. You're like, I, I feel like I'm a healthy eater and yet I consistently still overeat or I overeat too many times, um, you know, in a week to be able to see progress on my weight loss goals. This little mini course. Is for you. You can find that link in the show notes, and it is free for my podcast listeners. You might see ads to it in other places, but, um, because you are smart and you listen to this, you get the free link, so you're welcome. All right, number four, I can feel proud of my progress and still want to make more changes.

7:52 So when these two things are true, it's okay to celebrate how far you've come, feeling proud of that progress and still want to keep going or still add something new in. And in fact, I, I have clients that I encourage to do this all the time. We often get stuck in this either or mindset. It's either I've made progress, so I should stop pushing myself, or I still have so far to go. So what I've done doesn't count. That's honestly the one I hear the most is like, I, I just have so far to go and they don't see their progress, but. What if both are true? You can be proud of the fact that you are planning more meals from home or drinking more water, or getting in a few more steps on average each day, and you can also want to add in strength training or work on some of those emotional eats.

8:46 It doesn't have to cancel each other out. This is one of those things I always start my sessions with what went well because. It's really hard to feel proud of your progress when you feel like there's still so many changes to be made. And so we always start with what is going well. The tension on this one comes from feeling disloyal to your progress If you still want more or like you're never satisfied, right? But you can find peace in knowing that the growth is not discontent, it's momentum. Celebrating your wins gives you the energy to keep going, not the obligation to stop.

9:27 Alright, number five, I enjoy food. And I want to be intentional about how I eat. you are allowed to love food. I sure do, but loving food doesn't mean you give up on your goals. In fact, enjoying food and being intentional go together when you slow down and really pay attention to what you're eating and why. You actually can enjoy it more. Being intentional doesn't mean rigid or obsessive. It just means you're making choices that feel aligned with how you want to feel in your body. It means you're aware. Not deprived. Going well past your enough feeling in your body only decreases the enjoyment of the whole experience.

10:12 I took cinnamon rolls to my brother's family this past weekend and he told me that he ate too because he truly loves cinnamon rolls. So much. But then when they went on a walk later, he was like, oh, that's a lot of dough in my stomach. And even though he really loved the cinnamon rolls, his overall experience might have been better if he had actually eaten less, which, which was the story he told me. I'm not, I'm not like making a judgment on him. He's, he was telling me that. So being intentional helps you enjoy the food as well as the overall experience, even more. So the tension with this one comes from the fear that structure will steal your joy, or that freedom means losing control.

10:57 Right. Do you feel that when you're like, I just love food too much, but I, I should. And part of this too, with that, that second thought is like, I wanna be intentional about how I eat. It's also an underlying should, like, I kind of shouldn't enjoy my food. Um, and that's where some of that fear and, uh, tension is coming from. But the. Piece is found in the middle when you slow down enough to really taste and choose and make the choices that you want. Pleasure and presence are partners. Intentionality actually makes enjoyment deeper and more satisfying. All right, my last one, number six, is I'm doing my best and I still need support.

11:41 So let that one sink in. You are doing so much. You're juggling all the things. Maybe a career, kids, a home, relationships, meals, workouts, mental health, you name it. And you're doing your best with the resources you have. But that doesn't mean you have to do it alone. Wanting support doesn't mean you're failing. It means you are human. That's exactly why coaching exists. In fact, one of the bravest, strongest things you can do is say, I could use a little help here. So you worry that needing help means you're not enough or not strong, but the peace and resolution comes when you see that strength includes asking for support and getting help.

12:24 Doesn't diminish your effort, it amplifies your result. It's not weakness, it's just smart. So that's the heart of it. Friends, two things can be true. You can live in the both. And so watch for these things. Watch for the tension that is created when you're trying to believe both things. This happens a lot too when you're trying to change your thoughts. So if you've worked with a coach like me before, or um, you've listened to my podcast enough that you work with the model, a lot of what we do is trying to think new thoughts. Which is super valuable. We do it all the time with my clients, but sometimes this is where this tension is created because you are thinking, um, you know, one of these, like, I enjoy food.

13:09 And then you want the new thought to be, I wanna be intentional on how I eat. And you're thinking that they can't coexist. And so that's another reason why these conflicting thoughts happen is because you're introducing new thoughts as you are going through a coaching process. And so you're getting these quote unquote intentional thoughts. So they're often the second piece of these couplets that I shared. And so the first piece is kind of what you already believe. And that second, that second thought is the new thought you want to believe. And what you're thinking when you're like working on coaching yourself is that they can't coexist. You're thinking, I have to never think that first thought.

13:50 I have to never think that, um, you know. I, I still need to make changes or never think, you know, which, whichever of the, of the couplet you're thinking is the quote unquote wrong thought, but. when you realize that two things can be true, you can accept both thoughts and find peace between them, that's actually where you're gonna make a lot of progress in changing your thoughts because you'll come to something in the middle and that's where the real peace is found. So when you stop trying to resolve all your internal contradictions and instead start accepting them, you can actually create space for a lot of change. And growth.

14:30 If this episode resonated with you, and if you're trying to hold these two truths and feeling stuck in the middle, let's chat. first book, a free consult session to see if my 12 week one-on-one coaching program is right for you. The scheduling link is in the show notes. I also have that awesome gift I mentioned about the, uh, what to do when you overeat. So grab that short video course as well. Remember, it's not just about the food, it's about empowering yourself with the choices that truly serve you. Have a great week and as always, thanks for listening and sharing the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.