Simple Steps for Intentional Thinking and Trusting Yourself with Tracy Pleschourt [Ep. 107]

0:00 This is the eat. Well, think. Well LivWell podcast. I'm Lisa Salisbury, and this is episode 107 simple steps for intentional thinking and trusting yourself with Tracy plus short. It's always great to chat with a fellow life coach, but especially one that I've known ever since I've been a coach, even though I'm still pretty sure I'm saying her last name, wrong. Sorry, Tracy. Tracy. And I were in the same cohort when we went through the life coach school training. I had our actual trainer on last year. That was Susie Rosenstein. And I'm hoping to have another one of our classmates on very soon. But on this episode, Tracy. And I discuss specifically how to trust yourself and the difference between what to think and how to think there is more to this than you might be thinking.

0:42 No pun intended. But it truly is the key to trusting yourself, trusting yourself around food, trusting yourself with your goals and what you want to accomplish. Tracy. And I recorded this conversation right after the new year. So I definitely referenced some things that are feeling a little out of date now, like the holiday season and helping my son and now daughter-in-law plan their wedding, but these concepts are timeless. Enjoy this one. Welcome to Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well; the podcast for women who want to lose weight, but are tired of counting and calculating all the food. I'm your host, Lisa Salsbury. I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach, and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter.

1:27 I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry, instead of worrying so much about what you are eating. Welcome back to the Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well podcast. I am super excited to have Tracy Pleschourt here. She is the founder of Self Made You and a podcast co host with her daughter. For the podcast, Tracy and Gracie becoming also Tracy and I were in the same cohort training at the life coach school. So we've known each other for as long as we've been coaches, which is very fun to reconnect. So welcome Tracy to the podcast today. Thank you. I was so excited to see that you had reached out.

2:11 Yeah. My daughter does all my bookings. And so she's like, Oh, I think I actually connected somebody that you know, and it, and it made it sound like you don't know her. And I'm like, who? And then she said, Oh, it's Lisa. I'm like, Oh my gosh, that's awesome. I'm so excited to talk to her. Yeah, that was fun to get that message from you. So I've been watching Tracy since our, well, we've, you know, been seeing each other on social media since we were in the same. Uh, training cohort at the life coach school. So I know she's been doing great things. She has founded, like I said, the program self made you and has really taken the life coach school tools to really another level.

2:52 So I'm really excited to get her brilliant take on all of these things that we're really going to be focusing on the think well pillar of the podcast today and really about those thoughts about ourselves. So the first thing we want to talk about is how to think of yourself as the solution and how is that really the secret to life? I think so often. We're looking for solutions outside of ourself. Tracy and I are talking on January 2nd. So it's prime new year's resolution time. And it's all about like, I got to be better. I got to change.

3:34 how do we find a solution really within ourselves without having to completely, you know, overhaul and think that we have to become a new, new you. Yeah. Yeah. So I think probably the best place to start is really like heightening your awareness around how do you think of yourself? Are you thinking of yourself as incapable of, you know, fill in the blank permanent weight loss, or incapable of getting that job promotion or incapable of trusting yourself, like be honest with yourself and really You know, ask yourself, how do I think about myself?

4:16 How do those thoughts make me feel? Because when you have the awareness that you're actually doubting yourself or that you're actually, you know, um, doing things that you'd rather not, like you're maybe people pleasing, you're doing things cause you really want people to. Like you, that kind of awareness really like drives home the reason why you would want to think differently. So instead of jumping to the how, how do I think about myself as the solution? I always challenge people to recognize first and foremost, how you're currently thinking about yourself because now you're going to have the contrast and that contrast is so important.

5:01 It really like drives home. the value of intentional thinking. So when you're unintentionally thinking that you're the common denominator to all of your problems, you feel so defeated and then you're behaving from defeat. Defeat is actually like the fueling all of your behaviors, all of your actions. So I know your clients know this, but it's like, we've got to get to that root cause. What is it that you're actually thinking and believing in an unintentional way? So heightening the awareness around that unintentional thinking and how that's making you feel is going to perpetuate like, okay.

5:52 Yeah, I'm done. New Year. I'm done thinking and feeling this way. Whatever that may be, like you have the power, the control, the ability to really get honest with yourself and ask yourself, how am I thinking and feeling? And then when you have that awareness and you've made a decision, I don't want to feel like that anymore. And we know that. It has everything to do with the way I'm thinking now we can get into the how. Okay, well then how do I feel like I'm actually not the problem and I could be the solution.

6:32 I love using SELF. I mean. I am the owner of self made you so it's all about like yourself, but recognizing that you can utilize yourself, you can rely on yourself, you can trust yourself to actually be the solution to every single. problem, every single obstacle, every single goal you have, and so the how I like to tell people it's four simple steps and we use S E L F to really guide us through those steps. Okay, I definitely want into that. Yes, I do. I want to kind of just rewind a little.

7:14 Sometimes I think when people are, are, when are like thinking about, well, their thoughts and feelings, they're like, I don't, I don't know what I'm thinking and how would I identify when you're like talking about feeling incapable of doing these things, watch for how you label. I hear a client some potential clients telling me things like, well, I'm just a lazy person or, um, well, so my problem is like, I just, I'm just not committed. I'm just not committed. They, they tell me this, like, like, you know, As if they don't have any willpower at all, which we don't need to use. But a lot of people think that that is the key, you know, and they go, I'm just not committed.

7:54 And it's the way that you describe yourself in this way that you think is a fact. You think that 20 people in a room will look at you and be like, yeah, that girl, she's lazy. Like that is not the case. This is something that you've labeled yourself with based on years of thinking and believing a certain way. And. It is absolutely optional. So watch for those when you're trying to identify like, well, what am I thinking and feeling about yourself? Myself, if you were to list your quote unquote worst characteristics, that's how you're thinking about yourself. Right. And I, I find that I just, I get that one a lot.

8:35 I don't know. I guess I'm just kind of lazy when people think they can't achieve a goal and like, it's just not true. And, and by the way, on that one rest. Not the same. Not the same. Right. Right. Yeah, I think, um, I think that's such a good point. And we offer, uh, like a saboteur assessment because we know that the primitive part of your brain is trying to keep you safe, and it does that with very dramatic Thoughts and often when you believe those very dramatic thoughts, you end up sabotaging what it is that you really want. And so we have this assessment that really, again, brings awareness to what are those repetitive thoughts.

9:20 And often they are like identifying thoughts. Like I am lazy. I am, you know, I have no willpower or, I, you know, I'm a procrastinator. I hear that one a lot. Um, yeah, or I'm an overachiever. And sometimes people love that identity. And a lot of times people don't. And it's like, you're actually not any of those things. You might hear those kind of narratives, but with the awareness that they exist, you're going to be less likely to react from them and way more likely to respond.

10:00 From them. And so we just want to heighten awareness. So again, I think this all goes back to the awareness, like really have, you know, less judgment about it and more like curiosity about what are those narratives that I'm so used to thinking. Yeah. Curiosity is pretty much my favorite emotion. I think it's, we can learn so much just by just getting curious instead of judging ourselves. Just be like, well, what does that mean? Like even just on like on the lazy one, since that's when we've been using, like, what does that mean that I'm lazy? Does that mean I don't get anything done all day, every day, nothing ever.

10:40 Like I don't even brush my teeth. Like, right. Like get really curious and really list out and, and. Be really intentional with that curiosity about asking, I wonder, and how could it be and all of those questions, but okay, let's get back to your self acronym that you use and tell us more about that. Yeah. So it's. Fairly simple because out of the four steps, two of them are the exact same. So the first step is start with a decision. Start with a decision. Any decision. When you find yourself feeling any sort of unwanted emotion, the antidote is starting with a decision.

11:25 How do you want to feel? What is it that you want to create? What is it that you want to do? What is it that you want to be feeling? Start with any decision, big or small. It immediately puts you in the driver's seat. It immediately shifts from things are happening to me to things are happening for me. Things are happening because of me. Like you can experience that shift simply by making a decision. What is it that I want and why, why do I want it? It's That also gets you out of the, I don't know energy. And this is something I've talked about with, um, with Jodi Morrow on the podcast is why I don't know is always a lie and getting out of that.

12:11 I don't know what to do. Making the decision is so, so powerful. So I love that you start with that because it just gets you out of that. I don't know. Yep. And, and I really want to stress that this decision does not have to be complicated. Literally make any decision because it puts you in that power place. That's the S. Start with the decision. The E is eliminate self sabotage. So if without awareness of our unintentional thinking and how that cycle plays out, you are very likely to sabotage what it is that you want. So you started with a decision about what it is that you want.

12:54 So we're going to stay in this intentional mindset and we are going to eliminate the risk of self sabotage Bye. Again, heightening our awareness around, you know, what are my thoughts around what it is that I've decided I want? Be honest with yourself. What is the very first thought that you come to that shows up in your mind? Because we know there's neuro pathways that are very well established. These are very habitual thoughts, and we know everybody has that primitive part of their brain that's trying to keep them safe, so it makes. Perfect sense that you are going to have those saboteur narratives.

13:36 It's not a question of whether you have them or not. What we are training you to do by trusting yourself is hearing them. And without judgment, just be like, Oh, there it is. And I'm not going to react to it. I can respond. So to your point, just asking yourself, like, is that even true? That's how you eliminate self sabotage. You actually respond to that narrative that you're, that you're hearing with a question. Is it true? What about that is true? What about that isn't true? What, what, how does it make sense that I'm even hearing this primitive brain narrative that's telling me I'm lazy, right?

14:23 Maybe your mom said that all of the time when you didn't clean your room and you believed it. But what if she was wrong, right? Like questioning those narratives is, again, it all starts with the awareness of what is the narrative and then questioning it. The act of questioning it is the response. Right. The act of questioning it is the response that you're looking for. It doesn't have to be complicated. I love how you're like it is there you don't have we're not wrong for it being there I think sometimes we think that we're broken because we're having these thoughts or we Often say things like well, I shouldn't even be thinking that like just assume that you should be Of course, I love just saying, of course, I'm thinking that because I'm a human having a human experience.

15:17 So when you say eliminate self sabotage, it's not like if you have it, there's no qualifier, everyone does, everyone has these thoughts. You're normal. Right. And we actually should be grateful for the fact that we have those narratives because they are meant to keep us safe. But the, the crazy thing about it is that when we're Trying to eat healthy. We're really not in any danger. So the fact that our saboteur narratives our primitive brain says, Oh my gosh, you better eat that cookie before it's not there anymore. Like, we're not in any danger, but we hear that. And so it's kind of funny and you can kind of be playful around it.

15:59 But if you were to, you know, start to walk in front of a speeding bus and you hear, you know, don't take one more step or you're going to die like that's really beneficial. So it's ironic that our primitive brain is always in overdrive and the fact of the matter is, is it's just trying to keep us safe when we're not always in dangerous situations. And so. We can kind of be playful about it. I love teaching the neuroscience behind it because it really quickly makes sense to people. And that's, you know, we talk about self made you as kind of the school that teaches you how to think.

16:39 Most of us can relate to a formal educational experience that taught us what to think, you know, it taught us how to look for the, you know, answers outside of us. It really never did teach us. How to think, especially about ourself, it really never taught us the neuroscience of that three pound organ that exists between our ears, like knowing that, that there's nothing wrong with you if you're having those narratives can be really, really interesting. powerful, like you maybe have never been told that those narratives don't make you wrong. We just want to teach you how to heighten your awareness around it.

17:21 So you're less likely to react and more likely to respond. That's it. Yeah. I love the difference there between reaction and response. Yeah, perfect. So the first step is start with the decision. The second step is eliminate the self sabotage. The third step is. Through having this heightened sense of awareness through being intentional about listening to your thoughts about deciding how it is that you want to feel or deciding what it is that you want period, you're now operating from the other part of your brain. When you're being intentional, you are by default operating from that other part Higher brain.

18:01 Yeah. So I want you to be thinking about this three pound organ that exists between your ears. If you were to kind of cut it in half the left side for simplicity purposes, the left side is the primitive part that's meant to keep you safe. That's by default offering you a lot of dramatic thoughts. The right side is Your prefrontal cortex. I call it your prodigy brain because it is the more extraordinary part of your brain. It's the part that can actually watch the thoughts that your primitive brain creates. It's the part of your brain that can actually respond. It's way more advanced, but it's so much easier to just let our primitive brain run the show.

18:44 So it does take it Yeah, it takes like a bit of mental fitness to really build up that ability to operate from that part of your brain. And that's just practice, right? And so I know you have, you know, daily protocols and exercises for your clients and a workbook that probably is strengthening that part of their brain where they can be more aware. And so that that every day. It's like a secret. Just kidding. yes, exactly. Yes. So the you're thinking about your thinking, or thinking intentionally, or deciding how you want to behave consciously, or making any kind of plans, this is a key part, is planning, you know, what you're gonna eat.

19:34 You're using that higher brain because that's the part of the brain that can do all of those things. Your lower brain has no planning capabilities. Right. Yeah. yes. So the L means leverage your prodigy brain strengths. So leverage your strengths, these strengths that are available to you from your prefrontal cortex, your prodigy brain are more like empathy. Curiosity, creativity, discovery, innovation. These strengths are unavailable to you when you're spinning out in fear from your primitive brain. But the minute you start, like, Operating from the prodigy part of your brain.

20:14 Now you can access those kind of strengths. And so I use an acronym. I'm all about acronyms, but the acronym that I like to use is EDINA. E D I N A. So it always helps me kind of roll through the strengths that are most helpful. Empathy. Empathy is like number one, have empathy for yourself and all your humanness have empathy for the other people that at, you know, at one point you might have been blaming, right? They're human to, um, discovery. What else might be going on when we are spinning out in fear? It's almost like we have blinders on. You're only seeing that one perspective.

20:55 Discovery has you Taking off the blinders seen in the peripheral, what other factors might be at play here? So innovation, you know, and creativity, all of these feel so good when you can tap into them, when you can get yourself from by default operating from your primitive brain to being intentional and operating from that prodigy brain. And you simply get there through awareness, but that awareness affords you the opportunity to like leverage. Start leveraging those strengths that are available to you when you're operating from your prefrontal cortex. So leveraging the prodigy brain strengths.

21:37 And then finally, the fourth Oh wait, oh, we didn't, we didn't finish the Edina. If we had empathy, discovery, innovation, Yeah. Yeah. be connected to your values. And operating from there, like asking yourself, especially when you're at a crossroads, when you are really trying to make a tough decision, um, understanding, like, what are my values? So for me, this, I do this a lot. If I'm at a crossroads trying to make a decision, I go back to my values of inclusion, of generosity, quality, and I go, okay, these are my values.

22:19 How can these like powerfully support a decision either way, and it becomes crystal clear right away how I can navigate that decision based on my values. And then activation is really, it lends itself to the fourth and final step, but that is taking clear, concise, focused action. Like, and I like to say that final decision is all about what can I do next that is so easy, it's hard not to do. Like, I'm talking.

22:59 Simple, simple, simple. So this is a great one to use in the context of, you know, dieting or weight loss. It's because the primitive brain wants to make it really hard, right? It wants to be like, okay, I better, you know, start fasting. I better cut out all sugar and flour, like effective immediately, right? Like that's such a self sabotaging move. But if you just tell yourself, all I have to do is take. One step. That's so easy. It's hard not to do. What would that be? Right? Like simple, simple, simple. And now, because you've teed up that final step with deciding what it is that you want and why, by eliminating the self sabotage, by leveraging those prodigy brain strengths like empathy and discovery, you are now Taking that action step from a place that for sure is going to like move you closer to what it is that you want.

24:02 You're not going to be moving further away. So even if it is the smallest of steps, you're still moving in the right direction. And I like to think of You know, really relying on yourself, the SELF framework and trusting yourself as like, I use it every step of every day, like multiple times in an hour, like that's how I use it. So if you think about it as kind of that flywheel that you're always utilizing yourself, these steps start to compound. They're very incremental. Like they're so small, but they make. Such a significant amount of progress in the direction you want to go when you're relying on yourself.

24:46 That is, like, you just can't argue how simple that is. And so it's one simple step after the next, knowing that you're getting closer to what it is that you really want. Um, I don't think you said what F was. Finish with a decision. Yes, so finish with a decision is, what is the next step that is so easy it's hard not to do? So you, the first step was start with a decision. What is it that I want and why? The second step is eliminating the self sabotage. The third step is leveraging your strengths. And the fourth and final step is finishing with a decision. What is the easiest thing that I can do right now, right this very minute, that is so easy it's hard not to do?

25:35 Perfect. I love your acronyms. I have a couple of little like things, just a couple of little tools that I use, but I've never come up with acronyms for them. So I love these. They're very fun. Yeah, I, uh, I feel like, you know, I am a lifelong learner. I would definitely consider myself that, but I would also, if I'm being honest, I'm probably a slower learner than the average bear. And so anytime I can help myself out with an acronym or a framework, I do it. And then, you know, I have it there to help out clients who, you know, maybe think of themselves as, you know, learning. Easier, better, faster through those kind of support tools.

26:15 So I, I make'em for myself and I have found that they've been really advantageous for clients too. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So with all of this, I think some of the most common, emotions that come up when we try to make changes or even just make small improvements is the frustration and the overwhelm. And then, of course, the confusion, which kind of goes back to saying in that, I don't know, energy, that's the confusion. But. There is a lot of frustration. I think, especially with ourselves, like, why can't I do this? Why, why is it so hard? And overwhelm has been my constant companion these last few months with.

26:59 the holiday season along with planning a wedding. So it's, uh, been a lot, so I'm very familiar with that emotion, even as much as I know through coaching. And honestly, I don't think I would have made it through if I didn't self coach a lot. Um, so what do you think is the solution there? What's the antidote to those types of emotions? Yeah. So I think again, it's, you know, if you really think of that emotion more as a circumstance, like yeah, overwhelm is there, I'm experiencing overwhelm. Is there a reason why I think I shouldn't be? Experiencing overwhelm. So it really goes back to like the awareness, which then has you operating from a scientific standpoint, it has you operating from that part of your brain that you can tap into empathy.

27:49 Right? Like, of course, you're feeling overwhelmed. You don't plan a wedding every day. It's something that's so outside of the norm. Of course, you're feeling overwhelmed. And when you can start looking at overwhelm as just a circumstance, of course, I'm feeling that way. And maybe, like, start asking yourself questions like, In what ways am I overwhelmed? In what ways am I not overwhelmed? Like start asking, like really starting to tease it apart, but doing it with more of a curiosity about this very neutral circumstance of feeling overwhelmed and not making it mean that you are broken or bad now, it wrong?

28:32 Yeah. And then now you get to like, just allow it to be there. And move on, you'll notice how much more quickly you'll be able to move on from this hang up that we're going to call overwhelm by just allowing it to be there and the steps are first and foremost, just noticing it naming it like we, I used to use the, um, the feelings wheel all the time with my clients and now I built it out into like a big. huge chart so that you can see clearly how many emotions there are out there. And so just naming it and realizing how normal it is and how valuable it is.

29:16 Like overwhelm is incredibly valuable because it's providing you contrast. When you have the experience of being overwhelmed, you're almost guaranteed to have the opposing experience as well, because you'll actually be able to, like, name it and live in it because you identified as, oh, This is me feeling overwhelmed. It like opens up the door to feeling the exact opposite at some point in time. So if you don't know what overwhelm actually is, you are going to like have a hard time, explaining maybe what it is that you want.

29:59 That's, I think that's probably one of the best benefits of feeling anything negative. Is now you have the contrast that makes it so clear what it is that you actually want. I get a lot of clients who all say, what is it that you want? Why do you want it? And they'll be like, I have no idea what I want. Okay. Well, let's start off with what you don't want. And they immediately are like, Oh my God, I'm so sick of feeling overwhelmed. Perfect. Let's talk about why. Right. It opens up the door. So there's a lot of value in just Allowing overwhelm to be there. And the minute you take that perspective, there's a prodigy brain perspective that says all circumstances can be a gift and an opportunity.

30:43 When you start to like live into that, it's like overwhelm is not a big deal. It's just another emotion. You're allowed to have it. It's very human of you. And now you have that perspective about the overwhelm versus making it mean something about yourself. And you'll quickly realize. Holy moly, how easy it was to move on from that. Just allow it to be there. Allowing and, and just also saying like this, of course, I'm feeling this. Just to add to the fun between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We also moved my mom out of the house that she's lived in for 48 years down to a smaller home, uh, closer by me, which was a, you know, it's a good thing, but she was constantly saying, I'm going to be so sad to leave the house dad built for us.

31:30 And I was like, mom, it would be weird if you weren't sad, right? It would be weird if I had all these guests for Thanksgiving and then moved my mom and had her staying with me during that time and all the while planning a wedding. And by the way, had my biggest month ever in my business. It would be weird. If I wasn't a little overwhelmed, that would be weird. And so it's really helpful, you know, when I coach other people and of course, I'm not trying to coach my mom other than just help her a little with her emotions. Like, Oh, I do kind of coach her without her consent, but anyway, um, just being, having that perspective with her and, and the house and just saying, you know, it would be weird if you weren't sad.

32:18 And also we can be excited about this new experience. We can be so happy that you're going to be five minutes from me. It's, you know, all of the good things we can hold these two things together. Like it would be weird if I, if I wasn't overwhelmed. And also I'm so excited for this wedding and so happy to be doing it. So I think that's another thing is being able to hold two emotions really at the same time, which is really, I would say. To using your words is a prodigy brain ability. Yeah. Which it. Yep. And, um, I think that the primitive brain really wants us to believe that.

32:59 It's an either or like there's a lot of black and white thinking that comes from that primitive brain and the prodigy brain has the ability to be like, I can be overwhelmed and empathetic. I can be overwhelmed and curious. Right. And so it's, I think if you just really start looking at the. Emotions that you are experiencing as circumstances, you can neutralize it, kind of like take the charge out of it and be like just a human being. And again, that is like going back to SELF, just decide that you're going to like be a little bit more loving and understanding.

33:44 Of yourself and sometimes for some people, that's where you can really lean into the science of it. You know, if you really want to kind of get into the facts, like, I do think that so many of us missed the curriculum on. The brain and how, if we are unaware of how it operates, it will sabotage us every minute of every day. It can actually be your worst enemy. And so by affording yourself a little bit of education on that neuroscience. You can turn it into like your best friend. And so I really like to point out that most of our formal education was steeped in, you know, what to think, not how to think.

34:32 And so just understanding yourself really helps you think differently. of course, Tracy and I's passion. It's what coaching is all about. That's what coaching is all about is how to intentionally think. And it is such a skill that we were not given. And you know, all we were taught was, Oh, did so and so hurt your feelings by saying that? Like. No, no, they did not. It's right, right. very confusing. Some of the things that, um, that we were taught and that we said as parents to our own children, by the way. So don't feel bad if that's you Right, right.

35:16 Yep. them Your parents. Yeah, your parents and you were just trying to do the best that they knew how to do. And, and yeah, I mean, hopefully. Asking if Susie hurt your feelings, hopefully it wasn't, you know, life altering and as destructive as we coaches know that that belief can become. so, you know, I, I get a lot of people will say, you know, I'm in my seventies, is it too late to learn how to think differently? The answer is undeniably no. It is never too late because the minute. The second you start thinking differently, you start feeling differently, so it's never too late.

35:56 definitely, definitely. So, um, When we're talking about these negative emotions, it feels like a lot of suffering when we're in the negative emotions. And, you know, we teach that life's about 50, 50, just like you were saying with the comparison, when you feel overwhelmed, then you have the opportunity to experience something different. We really experienced about half positive and half negative emotion. And that sounds like a lot of negative emotion. That sounds like a lot of suffering. But there's a difference between suffering and pain. And how, how is it that you teach that? Yeah. I, I just really think of suffering as unnecessary that when you're feeling pain, you can at that moment, let pain be the trigger for a choice.

36:48 So this is really what it looks like to start heightening your awareness, like being more intentional, being more on the lookout for the pain that you're experiencing and recognizing that pain is just an emotion. it's meant to be there. It provides you contrast, but suffering. Is really making that pain mean something about you outside of being human. That's, it's like, it's this compounded narrative of like, yes, I'm experiencing pain and I shouldn't be, right? It's like this, it's the dot, dot, dot. It's like what you're thinking about the pain that you're recognizing.

37:32 That's. What suffering is. And in my opinion, it's unnecessary. It's unnecessary. When you get into what maybe you would define as suffering, you can remind yourself, I have a choice. I have a choice. And it go right back to utilizing yourself, start with a decision. What is it that I want right now? Why do I want it? Notice what are the saboteur narratives that you're listening to, that you're likely reacting from. Notice what that is. Have some empathy for yourself. Ask yourself what other factors might be involved. That's how you're leveraging those prodigy brain strengths.

38:14 And then what can I do right now, right? This very moment when I noticed that I'm suffering unnecessarily, what can I do right now? That's so easy. It's hard not to do. It can be the smallest of steps, right? But, and it can be something that people would recognize you're doing, or it could be something so intrinsic that nobody would know you're doing it. It, it can be that small of a step. But that is how you get out of suffering, which is unnecessary. And it's really recognizing that pain is meant to be felt. It's providing contrast.

38:55 And so, it's Not making pain mean something about yourself is really how you can avoid suffering, Yeah. I think. I might be misspeaking here, but I think it's Brene Brown that talks about dirty pain and clean pain where clean pain is just the negative emotion or just sad or just sad that maybe our child made that choice like that was not going to lead our child to, you know, success, maybe in our eyes, and so we can just be sad. But dirty pain or suffering is where you start blaming and shaming and saying, I guess it's my fault.

39:35 I should have taught him. And there's a lot of should thoughts. And then there's a lot of shaming thoughts. And you end up feeling, if you're feeling shame, that's suffering. We can feel sad or even a little bit guilty. That's just like, Oh, that. That doesn't align with my values, but shame is like, I am a bad person, right? So anytime we feel like we should be something different, or there's using a lot of that should language in our thoughts, that's that dirty pain of suffering where we're not just staying in the clean pain of You know, sadness or disappointment, we can just be disappointed without shaming ourselves, like in eating, if we're like, wow, I definitely overate those cookies.

40:24 That's really disappointing. I ignored my hunger and I went ahead and did that and, and be done right there. That's pain, right? We can just be disappointed. Yep. That was a poor decision on my part. My body feels terrible. Suffering is when we're like, I know better. I shouldn't have done that. I'll never lose weight now. Do you hear the difference? How that feels like a lot of suffering? Now we're in pain both physically and mentally, but now we're suffering and in a lot of dirty pain because we're shaming ourselves about it. Great example. So Tracy did get a lot of her start with coaching with weight loss.

41:05 So one last question I wanted to ask her is what do you think is the number one obstacle to weight loss? I really think it's trusting yourself. I think, people who go into maybe a weight loss program, they put so much reliance on the program on the list of things to do, or the list of things to not do, that There's no part of the curriculum that teaches them how to trust themselves. And I mean, I don't want to be so cynical to say that that's by design, but I think often it is, you know, when you have these big, huge conglomerates out there that help quote unquote people lose weight.

41:48 they don't teach people how to rely on themself, how to think of themselves as the solution, how to think differently, right? It's all about the actions. And so, um, I think that if you can use weight loss as a way to learn how to trust yourself, it becomes a win win. And I mean, I just gave it to you guys. It's, it really is, you know, start with a decision, eliminate self sabotage, leverage those strengths and finish with a decision. That's so easy. It's hard not to do. Um, that's how the compounded results of that will create trust in yourself. You can start to rely on yourself. And so the actions.

42:31 happen. You know, it's built into those four steps, but you're taking action from a place of trust, of reliance, of confidence, control looks very, very different than, thinking that, Oh, I've paid money. They have the answer. This is what I've always been missing. And all I have to do is white knuckle my way through it. Right. Which is a, you know, the way that a lot of people go into a weight loss program thinking, and they leave maybe 20, 30, 40 pounds lighter, but they also leave with a dependence on those actions. then eventually kind of the novelty of these new actions wear out and they're like, huh, I thought I was going to be happy.

43:18 I thought I was going to have more confidence when I lost the weight. No, because they haven't been taught how to think differently. They've only been taught how to white knuckle their way through new actions. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. It's the missing piece of every, every diet program I ever did before is I was only told what to eat and not what to do when I didn't feel like eating that and not what to do when I didn't know why I was overeating. I always say it's more important to know why you're eating rather than you're eating. Amen. I 100 percent agree with that.

43:59 All right, Tracy, it's been a pleasure to reconnect with you and have you here chit chatting on the podcast. Please tell us where people can find you online and a little more about what you do, if you'd like, or if you have anything to offer. Yeah. So we, have a curriculum that teaches how to trust yourself in the context of lots of different, you know, life circumstances. So we have relationships, we have parenting, we have professional development, we have weight loss, we have, Step parenting like it's very diverse. All of our offerings. But the one thing that remains the same is that we use the self framework.

44:44 We use all of those circumstances as an application to teaching you how to trust yourself. So it becomes this win win. You get to solve this haunting problem. At the exact same time that you are learning a skill set of relying and trusting yourself that can be applied to unlimited things. And so that's what self made you is all about. It's really teaching people how to trust. and rely on themselves so that they operate from a place of control. Um, and, uh, we have a la carte, you know, programming offers, and we have membership offers for those people who just love to just keep applying, um, the, the concepts and the frameworks over and over and over.

45:31 and you can find all of that information at self-madeu. com. So it's. S E L F dash M A D E the letter U dot com. And we also offer free coaching Fridays and we offer free masterclasses. So you'll find all of that on the website along with all of our social media channels and things like that. Perfect. Of course, we'll put that link in the show notes. And again, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. My pleasure. Thanks for having me. Wow. Taking a break from creating my own solo episodes and doing back-to-back guest episodes. This summer has been way more fun than I anticipated. I hope you're loving it. If you have requests for guests or if you know someone who would be great, please let me know.

46:16 Also, if this episode has helped you in any way. Could you do me a favor and just share it with someone, take a screenshot of this episode and post it to your stories. And for sure. Tag me. And Tracy. You can also just send it to a friend. If you are looking for that extra bit of personalized help with your weight loss, be sure to schedule your free coaching call with me and see how much you can benefit link for that is in the show notes. Have a great week and as always, thanks for listening to the eat. Well think. Well live well podcast.