Managing Urges: Take the Sails Out of the Wind [Ep. 118]

0:00 This is the Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well podcast. I'm Lisa Salisbury. And this is episode 118. Managing urges, take the sales out of the wind. This is a quick episode I have for you today, a solo episode, and I know this title sounds weird and crazy. But this is an image I want to give you to help you with your urges. And cravings. So stay tuned. Welcome to Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well; the podcast for women who want to lose weight, but are tired of counting and calculating all the food. I'm your host, Lisa Salsbury. I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach, and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter.

0:43 I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry, instead of worrying so much about what you are eating Hello to you. Thanks for joining me today. I've got a short and sweet episode. For you today. And it's kind of a weird origin for this concept. So stick with me because it's a really good image. If you can get this to. Really sticking your head. When I had young kids, I read about called children. The challenge by Rudolph Dykers, I think is how you say it. It was originally published in 1964. So many of the concepts in it are older, such as addressing spanking. And none of the examples involve cell phones or Netflix, or even teenagers having their own cars.

1:28 But the concepts about the use of natural and logical consequences were invaluable to me. It's been a long time since I read it and believe me, I know there are some crazy ideas in this book, so don't judge me too hard if you're familiar with it. But what stuck with me were those natural consequences instead of using punishment. And I really loved that idea. One such concept that I used quite a bit was in the chapter called withdrawal from conflict and it was regarding tantrums and it says this, this is right from the book. There are always two sides to any unpleasant situation between parents and children. The disturbance is the result of a conflict between two people.

2:10 If one person withdraws. The other cannot continue. If the parent removes himself from the battlefield, he leaves the child in a vacuum. He no longer has an audience or an opponent, nothing. And no one to defeat the sale has been taken out of his wind. This phrase is more accurate than the customary one. One cannot stop the child from blowing. Therefore his wind is uncontrollable. But one can remove one's self from his wind. Which thus becomes few tile and ridiculous. Okay. So I know the language is a little bit odd, but you've all heard the saying, take the wind out of their sails.

2:53 But this sane is take the sail out of there. Wind. So I've been reminded of this concept, as I learned about our brains. It's often said that we have two parts, the lower brain and the higher brain. You might also hear the animal or reptilian brain as opposed to the prefrontal cortex. Those are also two names for the lower and the higher brain. But my favorite is the toddler brain and the adult brain. So our lower brain sometimes act like toddlers. It's screams for things. It demands attention. It is worried, scared, and defensive. We use our higher adult brain to calm that down.

3:35 The lower brain believes emotional danger is the same as physical danger. And it's the job of the lower toddler brain to look out for danger to keep us safe. When our lower brain notices danger in the form of a mean girl. The adult brain calms that by using the knowledge, that mean girls. Are not actually tigers and won't kill us. When we have the urges for food. Items that are not on our plans. It comes from the toddler part of the brain. When not toddler part of the brain quote, screams for candy, just like maybe a real life toddler. And we reward that screaming with the candy, that part of the brain learns that screaming is an effective way to get what it wants.

4:20 And I hope you hear what I'm saying about screaming. It's that brain sounding really loud. Rightly your thoughts are kind of screaming at you. Right. You're not actually screaming. Um, also, this can become a habit. So the lower brain barely needs to make a peep when this happens, because we delegate habits to this lower part of the brain as well. So there's no screaming necessary to head to the pantry before answering work emails. Or grabbing candy off the coworker's desk. When you walk by, if this has been done over and over and over, then it becomes a habit. So that also is part of the lower brain. You know, emo, if you will. However, when we allow the toddler to have the fit, to blow and blow and blow and scream and scream and scream without reacting or trying to stop the tantrum.

5:11 The toddler eventually stops. Here's where we take the sales out of the wind. When the toddler part of the brain offers the idea that a sleeve of Oreos would be a good idea. It's usually pretty insistent. That part of our brain gets very loud and tantrum like. We use our adult part to convince ourselves. That we don't really need that. And it's not a good idea. And it's going to quote, ruin our diet. But that's when the toddler just gets louder and louder. Think about this interaction with a real toddler and a real parent when you're trained to reason with the toddler. The toddler continues to scream and scream and get louder, right.

5:52 When you're trying to use reason. In my experience, trying to talk a toddler out of a tantrum, never works. Instead, I want you to try to just allow the tantrum in your brain to occur. We take down our sale. And allow the wind to blow. We stop resisting that urge for cookies for Oreos, right. When we stop trying to talk ourselves out of it. Like trying to talk a toddler out of his tantrum is few tile. And just allow the urge to exist in our brain. It actually has the chance to dissipate. Brooke Castillo said, when you have an urge and you reward it, it intensifies when you allow it to be there without rewarding.

6:36 It, it dissipates. When we stop encouraging the urge, it extinguishes itself, the urges will eventually go away. Okay. When you try this option, this allowing the urge to exist in your brain without pushing against it or resisting it. The urge will go away. I know this sounds crazy and it takes some time and some practice. The first time you try this with a live toddler, she will be very confused and the tantrum will go on for some time. The same thing is going to happen in your brain. But as you genuinely stop responding to it. That toddler will stop tantruming when you leave the room and completely ignore that toddler, obviously in a safe situation.

7:24 They will be confused if it's a real tantrum, right? Tantra, meaning I want this just because I want it right. Not like my brother hit me on I'm in actual pain. That's not a tantrum. Those are real tears. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay. This was a difficult concept when I was a parent for young children, because it's really hard, but it does work. And the same goes for your brain. When you allow your urge to be there without responding to it or trying to resist it. It will dissipate. So I want you to really get this imagery in your head. Think of your higher adult brain as the sailboat with the sail. Your lower toddler brain is the wind.

8:04 Each time, the wind kicks up with an urge to overeat, whether that's sweets or chips or fast food, just visualize taking your sales down. Feel that urge blow through your mind. Notice it. It's a really windy in here. I acknowledge it with a thought like, oh, that's interesting that my brain thinks I need cookies right now. And move on with what you're doing. Another acknowledging thought I love is of course my brain wants cookies because cookies are delicious. Trying to talk yourself out of the idea that cookies are good is never going to be true for you. So be sure to use true sentences.

8:46 As you're making observations, it's very windy in here could be another cue to your brain. That there is just wind and nothing. Actually is going wrong. But acknowledging too, that you like that item. Like that's true. I do love chips. I love snacking on chips when I'm writing work emails, because. Work emails are boring. So of course my brain has reminded me that it's chip time. So when you do this, when you visualize that sale coming down, And then you can feel that wind blowing through you just took the sales out of the wind. The secret is to not try to talk your way out of it.

9:29 Don't try to convince yourself you aren't having the urge. Don't try to resist it by pushing it away and trying not to think of it. This is all using your sale. You're trying to push against the wind. Just allow the urge, take your sail down and feel the wind, Blow through and write out. Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first, in fact wind, just so you know. My kids all know this, actually. When does my least favorite? Weather phenomenon. Like, I will take a lovely rain, even a hard rain. I don't live where it snows. So I can't really say if I like snow better, but I'll tell you what I hate the wind.

10:11 I really do. And so it is uncomfortable at first, but you can totally do it. Each time you do this, you will be strengthening the pathways that allow urges, and you will notice that the urges will come less and less frequently. I'd love to know if you try this. And if this imagery helps. Reach out on Instagram. I always do posts about each podcast each week. So they're easy to reply to. Right on those posts, you can also DM me. I'd love to hear from you. If this episode has helped you in any way, I'd also love for you to share it. Just take a screenshot of this image on your podcast app and share it to your stories.

10:54 Have a great week. And thanks again for listening to the eat. Well think, well live well podcast.