Managing Urges: Take the Sails Out of the Wind [Ep. 118]

Transcript

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This is the Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well podcast.

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I'm Lisa Salisbury.

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And this is episode 118.

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Managing urges, take the sales out of the wind.

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This is a quick episode I have for you today, a solo episode, and I know this title sounds weird and crazy.

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But this is an image I want to give you to help you with your urges.

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And cravings.

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So stay tuned.

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Welcome to Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well; the podcast for women who want to lose weight, but are tired of counting and calculating all the food.

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I'm your host, Lisa Salsbury.

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I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach, and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter.

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I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry, instead of worrying so much about what you are eating Hello to you.

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Thanks for joining me today.

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I've got a short and sweet episode.

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For you today.

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And it's kind of a weird origin for this concept.

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So stick with me because it's a really good image.

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If you can get this to.

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Really sticking your head.

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When I had young kids, I read about called children.

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The challenge by Rudolph Dykers, I think is how you say it.

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It was originally published in 1964.

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So many of the concepts in it are older, such as addressing spanking.

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And none of the examples involve cell phones or Netflix, or even teenagers having their own cars.

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But the concepts about the use of natural and logical consequences were invaluable to me.

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It's been a long time since I read it and believe me, I know there are some crazy ideas in this book, so don't judge me too hard if you're familiar with it.

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But what stuck with me were those natural consequences instead of using punishment.

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And I really loved that idea.

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One such concept that I used quite a bit was in the chapter called withdrawal from conflict and it was regarding tantrums and it says this, this is right from the book.

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There are always two sides to any unpleasant situation between parents and children.

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The disturbance is the result of a conflict between two people.

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If one person withdraws.

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The other cannot continue.

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If the parent removes himself from the battlefield, he leaves the child in a vacuum.

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He no longer has an audience or an opponent, nothing.

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And no one to defeat the sale has been taken out of his wind.

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This phrase is more accurate than the customary one.

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One cannot stop the child from blowing.

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Therefore his wind is uncontrollable.

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But one can remove one's self from his wind.

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Which thus becomes few tile and ridiculous.

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Okay.

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So I know the language is a little bit odd, but you've all heard the saying, take the wind out of their sails.

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But this sane is take the sail out of there.

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Wind.

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So I've been reminded of this concept, as I learned about our brains.

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It's often said that we have two parts, the lower brain and the higher brain.

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You might also hear the animal or reptilian brain as opposed to the prefrontal cortex.

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Those are also two names for the lower and the higher brain.

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But my favorite is the toddler brain and the adult brain.

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So our lower brain sometimes act like toddlers.

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It's screams for things.

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It demands attention.

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It is worried, scared, and defensive.

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We use our higher adult brain to calm that down.

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The lower brain believes emotional danger is the same as physical danger.

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And it's the job of the lower toddler brain to look out for danger to keep us safe.

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When our lower brain notices danger in the form of a mean girl.

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The adult brain calms that by using the knowledge, that mean girls.

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Are not actually tigers and won't kill us.

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When we have the urges for food.

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Items that are not on our plans.

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It comes from the toddler part of the brain.

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When not toddler part of the brain quote, screams for candy, just like maybe a real life toddler.

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And we reward that screaming with the candy, that part of the brain learns that screaming is an effective way to get what it wants.

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And I hope you hear what I'm saying about screaming.

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It's that brain sounding really loud.

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Rightly your thoughts are kind of screaming at you.

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Right.

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You're not actually screaming.

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Um, also, this can become a habit.

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So the lower brain barely needs to make a peep when this happens, because we delegate habits to this lower part of the brain as well.

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So there's no screaming necessary to head to the pantry before answering work emails.

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Or grabbing candy off the coworker's desk.

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When you walk by, if this has been done over and over and over, then it becomes a habit.

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So that also is part of the lower brain.

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You know, emo, if you will.

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However, when we allow the toddler to have the fit, to blow and blow and blow and scream and scream and scream without reacting or trying to stop the tantrum.

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The toddler eventually stops.

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Here's where we take the sales out of the wind.

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When the toddler part of the brain offers the idea that a sleeve of Oreos would be a good idea.

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It's usually pretty insistent.

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That part of our brain gets very loud and tantrum like.

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We use our adult part to convince ourselves.

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That we don't really need that.

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And it's not a good idea.

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And it's going to quote, ruin our diet.

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But that's when the toddler just gets louder and louder.

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Think about this interaction with a real toddler and a real parent when you're trained to reason with the toddler.

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The toddler continues to scream and scream and get louder, right.

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When you're trying to use reason.

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In my experience, trying to talk a toddler out of a tantrum, never works.

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Instead, I want you to try to just allow the tantrum in your brain to occur.

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We take down our sale.

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And allow the wind to blow.

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We stop resisting that urge for cookies for Oreos, right.

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When we stop trying to talk ourselves out of it.

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Like trying to talk a toddler out of his tantrum is few tile.

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And just allow the urge to exist in our brain.

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It actually has the chance to dissipate.

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Brooke Castillo said, when you have an urge and you reward it, it intensifies when you allow it to be there without rewarding.

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It, it dissipates.

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When we stop encouraging the urge, it extinguishes itself, the urges will eventually go away.

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Okay.

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When you try this option, this allowing the urge to exist in your brain without pushing against it or resisting it.

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The urge will go away.

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I know this sounds crazy and it takes some time and some practice.

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The first time you try this with a live toddler, she will be very confused and the tantrum will go on for some time.

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The same thing is going to happen in your brain.

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But as you genuinely stop responding to it.

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That toddler will stop tantruming when you leave the room and completely ignore that toddler, obviously in a safe situation.

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They will be confused if it's a real tantrum, right?

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Tantra, meaning I want this just because I want it right.

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Not like my brother hit me on I'm in actual pain.

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That's not a tantrum.

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Those are real tears.

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Do you know what I'm saying?

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Okay.

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This was a difficult concept when I was a parent for young children, because it's really hard, but it does work.

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And the same goes for your brain.

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When you allow your urge to be there without responding to it or trying to resist it.

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It will dissipate.

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So I want you to really get this imagery in your head.

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Think of your higher adult brain as the sailboat with the sail.

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Your lower toddler brain is the wind.

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Each time, the wind kicks up with an urge to overeat, whether that's sweets or chips or fast food, just visualize taking your sales down.

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Feel that urge blow through your mind.

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Notice it.

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It's a really windy in here.

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I acknowledge it with a thought like, oh, that's interesting that my brain thinks I need cookies right now.

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And move on with what you're doing.

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Another acknowledging thought I love is of course my brain wants cookies because cookies are delicious.

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Trying to talk yourself out of the idea that cookies are good is never going to be true for you.

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So be sure to use true sentences.

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As you're making observations, it's very windy in here could be another cue to your brain.

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That there is just wind and nothing.

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Actually is going wrong.

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But acknowledging too, that you like that item.

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Like that's true.

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I do love chips.

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I love snacking on chips when I'm writing work emails, because.

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Work emails are boring.

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So of course my brain has reminded me that it's chip time.

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So when you do this, when you visualize that sale coming down, And then you can feel that wind blowing through you just took the sales out of the wind.

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The secret is to not try to talk your way out of it.

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Don't try to convince yourself you aren't having the urge.

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Don't try to resist it by pushing it away and trying not to think of it.

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This is all using your sale.

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You're trying to push against the wind.

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Just allow the urge, take your sail down and feel the wind, Blow through and write out.

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Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first, in fact wind, just so you know.

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My kids all know this, actually.

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When does my least favorite?

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Weather phenomenon.

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Like, I will take a lovely rain, even a hard rain.

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I don't live where it snows.

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So I can't really say if I like snow better, but I'll tell you what I hate the wind.

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I really do.

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And so it is uncomfortable at first, but you can totally do it.

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Each time you do this, you will be strengthening the pathways that allow urges, and you will notice that the urges will come less and less frequently.

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I'd love to know if you try this.

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And if this imagery helps.

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Reach out on Instagram.

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I always do posts about each podcast each week.

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So they're easy to reply to.

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Right on those posts, you can also DM me.

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I'd love to hear from you.

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If this episode has helped you in any way, I'd also love for you to share it.

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Just take a screenshot of this image on your podcast app and share it to your stories.

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Have a great week.

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And thanks again for listening to the eat.

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Well think, well live well podcast.