The Self Coaching Model [Ep. 4]

Welcome to Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well; the podcast for women who want to lose weight, but are tired of counting and calculating all the food. I'm your host, Lisa Salsbury. I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach, and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter. I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry, instead of worrying so much about what you are eating. Hi, everyone. Welcome to episode four. I got to say that I hesitated to start publishing this podcast in August because I knew I had an out of town trip planned. So I would have to have a few episodes done ahead and scheduled. So when you hear this, I will be in Germany with my sisters and my mom. And I'm sure I can confidently say we're having a great time. I'm probably posting a few things on my stories. If you're interested in seeing. Any of my travels, you can go follow me on Instagram. I'm well_with_lisa over there, but the links are always in all of my show notes. Before we jump into today's episode. I wanted to let you know about a giveaway that I am doing for the podcast. Each person that leaves me a review and hopefully a five star rating on apple podcasts and sends me a screenshot. I will send you a Starbucks gift card. So this is not a drawing. It's not like a random sweepstakes or anything. Everyone that leaves me every review will get a gift card. So that's just a little bonus for you because I'd really love to know what you think. And if you're enjoying the podcast, we are welcome to leave topic requests. In that review as well, but like I said, a five star rating. On apple podcasts really helps me out. So I just want to say thanks for doing that and taking your time. So I'll get your drink this morning. Oh, and you can send that screenshot to me by email. the address is hello@wellwithlisa.com or you can just dm it on instagram let's jump into today's topic what i have for you on the podcast today is the self coaching model as much as the first few tools I taught you with the hunger scale and the practical plan are essential with my clients specifically for weight loss. The self-coaching model is the underlying tool that we use as the foundation for all types of coaching. So this is my life coaching certification. This is the self coaching model that was developed by Brooke Castillo of the life coach school. which is where I'm certified. You may have heard her podcast. It's the life coach school podcast. And so she talks about the model pretty frequently. It's based on cognitive behavior theory, and it's a way to see how your brain works. It's a tool to use to see where your results are coming from. Not a tool to judge your thoughts and you'll see what I mean as we go along. So, if you're familiar with other life coach school certified coaches, you've heard this tool before, but I'm going to teach it to you as a beginner. So you might hear something new, even if you're familiar with the model. So I encourage you to still listen in. If you happen to be in a place where you can write, you can get a piece of paper and write down the left side of your paper, the letters C T F. A R and if you can't take notes, I'll let you know. At the end of the episode, how to get a downloadable worksheet for this tool. So the first letter is C and it stands for circumstance. This is the foundation of the model. We have to know what the facts are, but this is trickier than you might think. The circumstances are things we can prove in a court of law. Things that like 20 people in a room would agree on or things that are universal laws so, for example, the temperature outside is a circumstance. Your scale weight is a circumstance, just the numbers, the math of it, because that's a measure of your gravitational pole at that moment in time and gravity as a universal law. Other people also go in your circumstance line, their exact words, or a clinical description of their behavior. The goal when identifying the circumstance is to keep it as completely factual as possible, which means no dramatic descriptive words or labeling of people. Again, this will make more sense as we get into the next line, which is the T line. And that stands for thoughts. Thoughts are the sentences in our brain. It's the meaning our brains give to the circumstances in our lives. Sometimes we are aware or intentionally thinking these thoughts, but often thoughts are just coming from our lower brain. Or just out of habit, we think thoughts because we've always thought that. Let's get into some examples. So if it's 85 degrees out, that number goes in the sea line, the circumstance line. Then we have a thought about it. So do you think, man, it's hot out here. Or do you think I'm so glad we're cooling off? I've had both of these thoughts with this same temperature. After several days over a hundred degrees here. I'm so glad to see 85. But at the beginning of the summer when I'm not used to it yet, I know I'm thinking how hot it is when it's 85 degrees. So the circumstance is the weather, the temperature. But I have a different thought about it. Based on what my experience has been either the days before the months before what I'm doing that day. I have different thoughts. I make that circumstance means something different. Okay. So what about an example with other people? Say your husband says, I don't want to go out for pizza tonight. Those words go in the circumstance line. Has been says, blah, blah, blah. Then you make that mean something in your brain, so maybe you think, oh good. Neither do I. That was the kids' idea. Or maybe you think, oh, he always wants me to cook dinner. Usually when we are talking about other people. We want to put things in the circumstance line. Like my husband wants me to make dinner every night. But unless those are his actual words, that's going to be a thought. All he said was he didn't want pizza. He could have been thinking because I want Mexican food. Or he could be thinking, I just rather stay home and make myself a sandwich. Chances are he isn't thinking, I just want you to make me dinner, right? I mean, maybe he is, I don't know. I don't know your husband, but the thing is that you. I don't know what his thoughts are either. So that's why his words only go in the circumstance line. Your thought about what his words are, is up to you So we have lots of thoughts too, about our own bodies. These are big ones. And these, we especially want to put in the circumstance line. Thoughts, like I need to lose weight. Or I look fat in these jeans. My clients want to argue with me about these. They say, no. But look, look where I am on this chart. I should definitely lose weight. Or look, I'm bigger than my sister in this picture. But I promise you all, these are thoughts. The circumstance is simply your scale weight. It's the math of the situation. The number on the scale is your gravitational pole. On the earth at that moment in time. I think I already gave you that definition, but that's the only fact about your body that can be proven in a court of law because time and time again. I have clients whose current weight is at another client's goal weight. And this is how we know That all those statements about your body. Those are thoughts. Because if it were required that we have these thoughts at certain numbers. Then when we were at certain numbers, we would all have those same thoughts. If those were facts. But they're not, we make the number mean different things, depending on who we are. What we've been in the past, what we think we should be. All of that comes into play when we have thoughts about the number You've probably noticed that each of these thoughts I've given you in these examples makes, makes you react in a different way. That brings us to the next line in the model, the F line, which stands for feeling. Just a single word goes in this line. And it's the feeling that is experienced as a direct result of the thought. You can also call this an emotion and it's simply the vibration that goes through the body. When we think a thought and there are actual chemicals released. Think about the way your body actually feels when you think some of these different thoughts. Those are emotions and we can actually learn to identify them in the body. One of the easiest examples I think is being nervous because many of us feel it the same way. So let's say the circumstance is you're giving a public talk and you think, Ooh, I hope I don't mess up. I hate public speaking. And then you feel nervous. What does this vibration of emotion create? You feel butterflies in your stomach, you might feel jitters running down your arms. Maybe you're unable to keep your body still your leg bounces. All of this is your body's reaction to that thought. And then that emotional vibration called nervous. I can't say this enough, what we think creates how we feel our thoughts. Create our feelings. You've probably given other talks where you haven't been as nervous and it's not because you stopped, hated public speaking. You just think different things like I've got this. I actually know this material really well. I'm looking forward to. Educating these people on this subject. You change throughout your life. Sometimes you go from hating it to loving it. And sometimes it's the opposite. But it's how you're thinking about giving that talk. That's creating either nervous or confidence. So that brings us to the next step in the model, which is the A line it stands for action. Those feelings created by your thoughts, then become the fuel for our actions. Everything we do is because of how our thoughts make us feel. In that action line, we put our behavior, our reactions and our inaction. So procrastination or avoidance goes here in the action line as well. Simply put, we don't take excellent actions from very negative feelings. Like, if we think, if I just hate my body enough, I'll go to the gym more. But when we are thinking, I hate my body. Thought we feel discouraged. Feeling, and the action we take is usually to sit on the couch, eat a snack, cry, avoid our work. You get the idea. We don't jump up and go for a run when we are feeling discouraged. That action comes from a different thought that creates feelings like determination, commitment, or resolve. When we look at our actions, we can see then the results in our life. And that's the last line of the model, the R line. Here's the kicker. You will always see the connection between the result line and the thought line. We want to believe that our results come from our circumstances. But that leaves us with little to zero control over our lives. If we have to wait around for the weather or the politicians or our children to change so that we can have a different emotion. We will queue waiting for a very, very long time. What we do have control over is our thoughts. And this is actually very good news. Sometimes when I teach the model, people are discouraged because they think I am telling them that everything is their fault. And in some way, they are to blame for everything bad in their life. But again, the model is actually good news. If results are your responsibility. You are the one that can actually change them. You have the power. So when you really learn the model and start using it, you will actually feel totally empowered by it, which is why. Of course, I love it. So let's go through some examples of how to actually use the model to coach yourself. Because I want you to be able to use this tool the way I use it with clients. So I'm going to give you the exact, like step-by-step method that I do with them. So the first step is to do a thought, download all this is, is sort of a stream of conscience or just journaling. You just get all your thoughts down on paper. So you just empty your brain out onto some paper. I usually do this with pen and paper, but if you do better with typing, that's fine too. Probably not on your phone unless you're in a pinch and have nothing else. But usually this is on one or two main topics, things that you have on your mind, but you can write as much or as little as you want to write. And then you're going to go back through and pick out any thought that you want. There is no wrong thought to pick when doing a model. But most of my clients pick the one that's giving the strongest emotion or the one that seems repeated in different ways throughout the thought download. And you'll notice that you'll notice the same kind of thought being repeated. So next, we're going to identify what our unintentional model. Is, this is the model that's running without our awareness or our intention. So you plug that into the model in the T-Line that thought and identify the circumstance that it's going with. So I pulled up a recent model I did with a client. So I have a real life example here. So the circumstance was a vacation she had recently been on and she said it's too hard and complicated to stay on plan. And we pick this thought because it also came up for her when she is sick, or even when she's thinking about an upcoming trip. So it was a thought that keeps coming up for her that it's just too hard or complicated to stay on plan. And that was just coming up unintentionally. Her feeling was defeated. From that feeling we put in her action line that she didn't plan her food. She over eight at meal times. Trying to kind of compensate for that feeling. And she was doing a lot of might as well eat. Which that's like, well, I've already messed up, so I'm might as well make it worse. Why not just pile more food on top of that. Right. So that's kind of the might as well eat. Can you see what her result was then? From all these actions. What we wrote in her result line was it's hard to meet my goals. See how those actions not planning, overeating, not paying attention. It makes it hard to meet her weight loss goals. But it comes from that thought it's hard to stay on plan. And that resulted in. It's hard to meet my goals. 'cause it's hard to meet weight loss goals when you aren't planning. And when you're eating food in the amounts that makes your body feel terrible. So since she had upcoming trips and she knew this thought would come up again. Then, what we did is to create an intentional model. Because once she realized, like the reason it was hard for her to meet her goals was because of this thought, this thought kept coming up in lots of situations. It's just hard. It's just hard to make a plan. It's hard to stick to my plan. And then she was making it hard to reach her goals. So, um, let me just interject here and say that the coaching I do is actually not just positive thinking. So when we're thinking about moving into our intentional model, I don't help you just think positive thoughts about every situation. Sometimes we create discomfort on purpose. Because discomfort really is the currency of our dreams. That's a little Brooke Castillo ism there for you. But what we do here is intentional thinking. We create thoughts. We want to think intentionally on purpose to create the results that we want. So after we see what's going on in our brains with that unintentional model, we want to start directing it intentionally. And we do that first by creating an intentional model. So we move on. The circumstance stays the same. Traveling is in this model. I didn't, I didn't detail out what her travels were, but if you want to be really specific about what restaurant it was, you were eating out when you're traveling, you can. but the, it remains the same in the unintentional model and in the intentional. So the thought that she chose for her intentional model was this is how I live my life. And this is normal. This thought made her feel empowered rather than in our unintentional previous model. She was feeling defeated. She was realizing that she wanted to believe. That she was learning the habits of a naturally slim person. And that person goes on vacation and still pays attention to her hunger scale. Doesn't disregard her plan. So from that empowerment, she continued to create her plan. She makes some decisions ahead of time for her day. She also eats according to this hunger scale between the threes. And if you need a refresher on that tool, it's episode one. So from empowered, she also employees the very next bite strategy. So this is instead of that might as well eating that. Um, say she does overeat or eat something that was off plan then that's okay. The very next bite or meal is on plan over eating at dinner. Doesn't mean that breakfast the next day has to also be an overeat. It's the very next bite strategy. Just says, regardless of what I last ate, my next bite will be on plan. So now you can see how her result will be different. What we put in her result line was it's easy. To meet my goals. And this is a reflection of that thought. This is just how I live my life. It's not complicated. It's easy. It's normal. It's easy and then it becomes easy to meet her goals. So when you create an intentional model, You have to practice that new intentional thought. It's not just going to come to you automatically. Like the unintentional one does. It's a whole podcast in itself on how to think new thoughts. And I've got some strategies on bridging and laddering. So I'll put that on my list of topics because it's too much for this one. But in short. The first step to thinking new thoughts is discovering what you actually want to think. So that's what creating this intentional model is all about. Intentionally choosing our thoughts is something that quite frankly will change your life. And you can start as simply as writing the new thought on a piece of paper and putting it in your pocket for the day. Or create a reminder on your phone. That's the new thought and schedule it to pop up several times a day. So you have to read it and then you're like, oh yeah, that is what I want to think. I want to think this is just how I live my life. I want to think. That paying attention to my hunger scale is normal. The more you do this, the more you will be amazed that your thoughts create your feelings. It's actually sort of a joke with other coaches that will say that to each other. Did you know your thoughts create your feelings and it's like you relearn it every time you experience it. And as important as it is to know that your thoughts create your feelings. Right now when you're first learning it, when you're first learning the model. I think the most important thing is to truly separate circumstances from thoughts. That's your first goal. We love Pixar movies and our house. So even though my kids are older, they still like them and we still quote them on the regular. So if you've ever seen the movie inside out, the main characters are the emotions that exist inside Riley's head. So in one scene, Joy and Sadness are trying to get back to the main headquarters in Riley's brain. And they are with the imaginary friend bing Bong. Who is so funny. So they hop on the train and joy knocks over some boxes and the contents spill out. And she sees the boxes they're labeled one says facts, and the other says opinions, and she starts to pick them up to put them away back into the boxes. And she says, oh no, These facts and opinions look so similar. So she doesn't know where to put them and being bunk says, oh, don't worry about it happens all the time. And he just picks up a scoop and randomly fills up the boxes of facts and opinions. And I love this because joy thinks there are definitely only facts and only opinions and that they are separate. But in reality, our brains think things are definitely facts. Like for example, Oh, my thighs are too big. When in reality, that's an opinion or a thought and your brain has just confused. It. With a fact, your brain thinks everyone would agree. My thighs are big. It must be a fact. But that is an opinion. That is a thought that just got put in the wrong box. So your first job is to start separating circumstances from thoughts. Start to notice when you say things that you believe are facts, but that have descriptive words or labels. So anything with phrases like too big, too small. Should shouldn't. Uh, labels like lazy, unproductive, or crazy, um, words like harder, easier, better, worse. All of. Those words. Now don't judge them. Don't automatically think, oh, I shouldn't think that, I guess, I guess if it's a thought I have an option, so I should change my thought. That's not the point. Just get some awareness. Around what our circumstances and what our facts this week. It's just the first step. Because if you don't notice. That your thoughts are actually thoughts and therefore options. Optional eventually. You won't get them out of the fax box. And so you won't have the option. To create an intentional thought. When you think it's not an option. To think anything else. I mentioned at the beginning of the episode that I created a free downloadable worksheet for this tool. That is actually a page out of my workbook for clients. So it's a little sneak peek into that, but I have it available to any of my listeners today. So you can do a thought download. And then do your unintentional model and then create an intentional model of what you actually want to think. And it also includes a page of written definitions for each line of the model. So you can really start putting this all into, um, just, just start implementing this in your life. So just go to podcast dot well with lisa.com backsplash. Not backsplash. Okay. Let's start again. Address is podcast. Dot well with lisa.com backslash model. M O D E L. And of course that link will be in the show notes as well. So have a great week. And I'm sure I'm having a great week. I will hope to tell you a little bit about Germany when I get back and I will talk to you all next time.

Thanks for listening today. If you're ready to get some personalized help from me, I'd encourage you to schedule a free strategy session. Visit www.wellwithlisa.as.me or find a link in the show notes. We'll talk about where you currently are with your weight loss goals, and I'll give you some actionable tools. You can start implementing right away. Before you go, make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive new episodes, right when they're released. And if you're learning something new, I'd love for you to leave me a review. Thanks again for joining me, Lisa Salsbury in this episode of Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well. I'll talk to you next time!