June 18, 2025

Why Staying Consistent Feels So Hard--And What To Do About It [Ep. 152]

Show Notes
Transcript

Struggling to stay consistent with your health habits? You’re not broken—just stuck in a pattern that doesn’t work for you. In this episode, I break down four common “consistency personalities” and what to do instead. If you’ve ever started strong and lost steam fast, this one’s for you.

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This is the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.

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I am Lisa Salsbury and this is episode 152.

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Why Staying Consistent feels so hard and what to do about it.

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Welcome to eat well.

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Well, the podcast for busy women who want to lose weight without constantly counting, tracking, or stressing over every bite.

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I'm Lisa Salsbury, a certified health weight loss and life coach, and most importantly, a recovered chronic dieter here.

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You'll learn to listen to your body and uncover the reasons you're reaching for food.

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When you're not truly hungry, freeing you to focus on a healthier, more fulfilling approach to eating.

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Welcome back everyone.

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Thanks for joining me today.

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This episode tackles why consistency is such a struggle, especially when we're trying to do all the right things, right in air quotes.

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So I asked you in my most recent content survey, what feels most true in your health journey.

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And the number one response was, I struggle being consistent with all the things I'm supposed to be doing.

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If you didn't fill out the survey, um, it was a multiple choice, and that one was the one that.

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Everyone except for one person clicked yes on it was a multiple choice where you could choose everything that felt like was true for you.

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And so I was like, okay, wow.

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Let's, let's start there with some content because clearly staying consistent or feeling like you are struggling with consistency is something that you as the listener, um, is def you're definitely thinking about that.

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So first of all, let me just say you're not broken and clearly you're not the only one.

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Most of the time this is just called.

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Being a human, women feel like they lack consistency.

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Um, and when they do, they feel like this is a personal failure, but I promise it's not.

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If you want to be more consistent than you are, Let's just start by saying it's not helpful to label yourself as lazy or unorganized or fill in the blank other mean thing you call yourself.

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This is usually just a systems issue, so I'm gonna talk about four different reasons or four big reasons.

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Um, I kind of call them like personality types.

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Of what I see when consistency breaks down.

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So if you're having trouble staying consistent, see if one of these personality types rings true for you.

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Alright, number one is the go big or go home, girl.

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You start way too big.

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You set five goals at once.

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You're gonna fix your meal plan, you're gonna drink your water, exercise, meditate, sleep more, and it's overwhelming.

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Especially if that meal plan is something altogether different than what you currently do.

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And if the only thing you drank in the last month was Diet Coke and you probably hate the gym, right?

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This is classic.

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Go big or go home.

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You wanna overhaul everything at one time and then you wonder why you can't stay consistent.

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Number two is the all or nothing achiever.

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This person thinks if it's not perfect, it doesn't count.

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If we can't do it all perfectly, we quit.

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We delay.

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This is you.

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If you miss one workout or one meal and you're like, well, this week is shot, I'll have to wait again.

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I'll have to start over.

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I'll have to restart on Monday.

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This is such a bummer of a mentality when it's coupled with the starting too big because.

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Then you're just like never gonna get there.

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Right.

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Okay.

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Number three is the Idealist Planner.

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You have unrealistic expectations.

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You plan for versions of yourself who is never tired and never distracted.

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Um, we even sometimes plan for that version that doesn't have kids or other responsibilities, or just doesn't take them into account.

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I'm the queen of.

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I've got time.

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If you're familiar with the opening scene in the original Incredibles where Mr.

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Incredible keeps stopping to help people because he looks at his watch and he's like, I've got time, and he's literally like on his way to his wedding.

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It's an unrealistic expectation that I can do 17 things in the morning prior to getting to the gym for my workout.

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Whenever I say, oh, I've got time, I remind myself.

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I am not Mr.

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Incredible and I need to have more realistic expectations.

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Um, as much as I'd love to be Helen Parr and have ultimate flexibility, I'm not a superhero.

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And if you are an idealist planner, you might think that you are.

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Okay.

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And number four is the should or that's S-H-O-U-L-D or this is the shame based motivation person you live in the land of should, you should eat clean, you should work out.

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You should be better.

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You try to stay consistent because you should not because you want to.

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This is the worst, right?

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When our internal dialogue takes over with all of those shoulds, you should be able to get all this done.

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You should be able to stick with things, and especially get shameful when it's coupled with the you should, because she does.

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Right.

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Comparison is never helpful.

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This isn't an episode on comparison, but it truly is the thief of joy.

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So if you find yourself using that phrase a lot, I should be able to do this.

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And especially, it's funny'cause it gets a little meta here, it's like I should be consistent.

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Um, and then you're not consistent.

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It's, um, you know, it gets really tricky.

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Okay, let's now see what works better.

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I've identified these four kind of personality types, so you're probably gonna see yourself in more than one.

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So as I go through some of the solutions to these, you know, note what might work best for you based on which combination you feel like you see yourself.

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Alright, so if you are that big starter.

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Right.

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The Go bigg or the the go home, you are the one that plans to overhaul your entire life in one sitting.

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What could work better here?

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Obviously I think, you know, I'm gonna say start smaller, but the tricky part is you're a person who doesn't see value in that you are a go big or go home person, right?

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I mean, I personally love that meme, that meme that's like, wait, are you telling me if we don't go big, I can go home?

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So that's not you though.

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You're like all in on the like, gotta do it all.

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If you're struggling to stay consistent with this personality, and honestly I know you are, since you know everyone that responded, like I said, said this was an issue, then you have to take a good look, a good long look.

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At what you are valuing.

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If you are someone who doesn't see the value in small steps, I want you to step back into what you might see through a baby baby's eyes, right?

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Not, not through them, but like the caretaker actually.

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So if you have children or if you've been around children, if you have nieces or nephews, think about excited.

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You were when that child just barely started to attempt to or roll over.

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Like you're the parent.

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You're like cheering and calling your husband in or calling your mom and being like, yeah, she almost rolled over today.

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You could see how hard she was trying and pushing up, and it'll probably be really soon if you've not experienced this.

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You can like Google what it looks like.

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It's actually funny when babies are trying to do this, but it's actually pretty exciting for the parent because it's like such a small step.

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You can see they're really trying and they're about to succeed.

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If you could break down your goals into this small of steps and cheer for each step, imagine how much farther along you might be now if you hadn't gone home.

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So to speak, every time the going big didn't work, imagine where you'd be.

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So I want you to pick the smallest, like almost able to rollover step and start there.

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Start seeing the value in the attempts.

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Even if you feel like you want to work on nutrition and exercise and meditation in one go, then each one has to be.

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Very small.

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If you want to just focus on one aspect, then the steps could be a little bit bigger.

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Let me give you some starter, starter examples here.

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So for nutrition, you could just focus on fiber.

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How can I get up to 25 grams of fiber in a day?

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Don't worry about any other aspects.

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Then until that part is dialed in and you are consistently meeting your fiber goal, that might feel small.

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To some like, no, no, I have to fix my whole diet.

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That might feel big to you.

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If it's big to you, you know, break it down even further.

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But after you're consistent with that, then start working on something else.

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Maybe then you're gonna start working on reducing your sugar intake.

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Or after you're up to your 25 grams of fiber a day, then you'll take a look at your snacking habits.

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For exercise instead of going from nothing to six days a week at the gym, start with getting out on a walk maybe three days a week, practice leaving the house for exercise before you start taking on an entirely new gym routine.

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If you're not accustomed to leaving the house to exercise.

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Going to the gym is gonna be huge.

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So just start with going out of your house for a walk.

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If you're already a consistent exerciser, but you want to add a component, say add in strength training.

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If you already have dialed in your cardio, again, just start small with a few 30 minutes sessions per week rather than a full five day routine.

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If you're still feeling like you aren't staying consistent with these steps, go even smaller until you can do that.

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Then increase.

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So you could start with just getting eight grams of fiber at breakfast.

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Just worry about breakfast.

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Well, not worry, but you know, focus on right.

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And then we're not focusing on the rest of the day until that meal is dialed in.

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So I just took that 25 grams of fiber in a day and brought it down to just one meal.

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Same thing can be done with exercise, meditation, sleep, all of the things.

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You can just bring it down into the very first, very smallest step.

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Stop adding these big steps until you are doing a great job with the small ones and celebrate those as much as you would that baby.

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Rolling over.

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Okay, so again, I know this is like gonna be really hard since if you are that go big or go home person, it's hard for you to see the value in small steps.

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But if you can think about small steps that are worth celebrating if the baby rolling over doesn't like resonate for you, um, you know, think of the smallest thing that you've celebrated in.

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I just think that children often are good examples for this because they, um, you know.

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They, they are doing smaller things than adults are sometimes, you know, little ones.

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But, um, look for those examples in your life and see where the smallest things are that you can celebrate and try to implement them in some of the things that you are trying to be consistent on.

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Okay.

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Let's talk about the all or nothing achiever.

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What would work better here than constantly starting over?

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Nothing feels like you aren't good with consistency as the constant starting over.

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So the first thing I want you to do is get rid of the idea that one missed meal or one missed workout means you aren't consistent.

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We've gotta throw out the idea that consistency is the same thing as perfection.

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That's the huge difference here.

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So if this is you, I want you to start redefining success.

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Showing up imperfectly still counts as consistency.

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Showing up imperfectly is still success.

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So success for you will not be getting everything right the first time, but for you, it's tools like the very next bite when something goes awry with your eating.

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Instead of thinking, okay, well now I have to start over, which implies the lack of consistency.

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I want you to think about what would be on plan.

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For your very next bite.

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I often find clients overeat at night, whether that's dinner or after dinner, and so their very next bite will be breakfast.

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So what would be a breakfast you would eat if you were being quote unquote consistent?

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That's what you eat for your very next bite, and you just move on.

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You are showing up consistently for yourself by getting back on track on the very next.

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Bite.

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So this doesn't mess with your all or nothing, right?

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It's just imperfectly showing up.

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Yesterday my husband and I, we were the chaperones for a river rafting trip for my daughter's girls church youth group.

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And we left really early in the morning and spent the day in the sun.

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Super fun.

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We had a great time.

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No one on our boat fell in, thankfully, since it was on the Truckee River, which is essentially just fed by snow melt here in the Sierra Nevadas.

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Um, I live in northern California if you don't know me, so it's like 60 degrees in the water.

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So it was chilly when we were going through the rapids and you were getting like fully drenched.

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But anyway, Mondays are normally a lifting day for me, and um, I.

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I wasn't gonna get up at 5:00 AM to lift before this trip.

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That's just not, um, that's not an option for me.

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I won't function if I have to get up, um, that early.

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So if I'm an all or nothing person, what happens then to my week of exercise when I miss that lift on Monday morning?

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You might just scrap the whole week or try to make up for that missed workout or get confused on what you should do for workouts for the rest of the week.

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But here's what I did, here's what I proposed that you do.

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Uh, just do your regular Tuesday workout.

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Like you just come home from the trip and Tuesday morning you just do your regular Tuesday workout and then on with the rest of the week.

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So tomorrow I'm gonna go ahead and lift weights like I usually do on Wednesdays.

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So this morning, Tuesday, I, um, I went out on a walk.

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That's what I do on Tuesday mornings.

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So I'm still consistent.

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I'm still doing the things, but it's okay to miss a day here and there and call this imperfect consistency.

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The other way we can show up consistently is to do a shorter workout than planned.

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So.

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You know that this wouldn't still have been, um, you know, an option for me in the morning, like in, in this example.

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But if, for example, you find yourself waking up late or running into traffic, and your workout time gets cut from 45 minutes to 35 or 25 minutes, still do it.

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Still do what you can.

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Some is better than none, and this still counts as consistency.

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Okay.

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Um, the third one is the idealist planner.

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Remember, this is the person who makes plans for the perfect version of herself, but those plans don't really hold up in real life'cause they're based on the best case scenarios.

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So, for you, I recommend we start planning for your real.

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Energy, your real schedule and your real mood, and then build in backups even then, right?

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Even if you're trying to plan more realistically.

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'cause especially at first, especially as an idealist, you won't, you won't really be very realistic at first.

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So planning in the backups is, is a good insurance policy.

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So as an idealist, you may not feel like you could be consistent because no matter what, you plan something or someone.

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Always gets in the way, and that's because you weren't planning for the somethings or the sum ones.

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For example, if you have a work task that you think will take 30 minutes, but you end up having to bring that work home where your kids are then you have to plan for it to take an hour.

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It's not the kid's fault and it's not your fault that it takes longer when they are around.

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They just have needs and you want to meet those needs, and so work will take longer.

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This is realistic, not idealistic on how long tasks will take.

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If you are a stay at home mom or a work from home woman all the time, you also need to plan extra time.

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I think we are quick as moms to say I couldn't get the thing done because of the kids, but that's because we aren't planning things as if they won't interrupt.

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They will.

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You, we just gotta plan for it, right?

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You might also plan your days based on a follicular phase of your cycle day, and then when that task comes along and it's actually a luteal phase day or even a bleed day, and you're like, great, I'm not a consistent person, because your energy in the luteal phase does not match the energy in the follicular phase.

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So what what's really happening is you weren't planning for the actual energy level on the day the task was going to be done.

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So when it's something that has to be done every day of the month, like eating, you want to be aware of your energy levels, your time constraints, and different scheduling demands, and plan for those accordingly.

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My perimenopause cycle is all over the place.

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I am literally just coming off of a 12 day cycle, which was super fun when my period started again after just 12 days after my last one.

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But anyway, I digress.

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If that's you and your cycle is completely unpredictable, then you'll just have to listen to your body each day, and as much as I described above my typical workout days, if I don't sleep well.

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Or I wake up to the start of a period a week or more before I expected, and it's a menstrual migraine day.

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I will absolutely be changing up my workout routine if I need to.

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This is not inconsistency.

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This is kindness and planning for your actual energy level, not your ideal.

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Of course we'd like our lives to run smoothly, but every day is not best case scenario, and that doesn't mean you aren't consistent.

00:18:05.575 --> 00:18:11.394
You are adjusting to your human body and to living with other humans.

00:18:11.994 --> 00:18:20.964
So we want to just give ourselves grace in these moments when we are, you know, planning and things go awry.

00:18:21.234 --> 00:18:31.694
So if you are I an idealist planner, really trying time to step back from that and, and taking a look at what is really the truth about how your days.

00:18:32.040 --> 00:18:32.280
Go.

00:18:33.529 --> 00:18:33.829
okay.

00:18:33.829 --> 00:18:50.690
And lastly, we have that should, honestly, I think this one shows up in all the other ones as well, because the should woman is someone who might do what you should do, not what you want to or actually value.

00:18:51.109 --> 00:18:54.829
And then you end up in just a place of dishonesty with.

00:18:54.924 --> 00:18:55.704
Yourself.

00:18:56.275 --> 00:19:01.045
For you, it will be important to be radically honest about what you want to do.

00:19:01.434 --> 00:19:04.285
Note I didn't say what you are capable of doing.

00:19:04.644 --> 00:19:15.535
I think sometimes my idealist planners have a lot of things to do, but they don't really want to do all of them, so this should mentality really shows up for them as well.

00:19:16.075 --> 00:19:26.694
If you are a should, you are likely trying to force yourself into change through pressure, not desire, and so you can't possibly stay consistent for you.

00:19:26.785 --> 00:19:30.115
The activity here is getting clear on your why.

00:19:30.768 --> 00:19:37.577
Now I know that is such a, like a coachy thing to say, and I really try to stay out of the industry language as much as possible.

00:19:37.577 --> 00:19:41.178
So it's really clear for you, the listener on what to do.

00:19:41.178 --> 00:19:48.498
But honestly, the truth is that sometimes it's industry language because it's already clear and it does work.

00:19:48.857 --> 00:19:58.817
When you get clear on why the habit matters to you, not just why it should matter, you will be way more likely to stick with it.

00:19:59.448 --> 00:20:08.567
You guys hear my core why statement all the time as, um, you know, if you're like a faithful listener, but I'll give it to you again, and especially if you might be new around here.

00:20:08.837 --> 00:20:14.567
This is my why for engaging in most of the health-promoting behaviors that I do.

00:20:15.732 --> 00:20:19.722
I want to be an influence for good on my grandchildren.

00:20:20.913 --> 00:20:28.863
So the reason, this is my why statement is because being an influence for good means that first and foremost, I have a relationship with them.

00:20:29.282 --> 00:20:35.103
This means my mind is sharp and I can communicate with them how they want to be communicated with and notice.

00:20:35.163 --> 00:20:40.143
I, I referenced my grandchildren here, which is far, far away for me.

00:20:40.353 --> 00:20:50.762
My oldest child is 26 years old, so it's not like he's not in, you know, a possible, and, and he's married, so, um, but they just don't have plans to have children anytime soon.

00:20:50.762 --> 00:20:52.623
And I am in no way pressuring them.

00:20:52.663 --> 00:20:54.282
Nor do I ever ask them about it.

00:20:54.282 --> 00:21:01.722
So I anticipate it being, um, some time for me and then some time until, you know, they can talk and walk and do all the things.

00:21:02.083 --> 00:21:06.103
So this is, this means that this is how I am aging.

00:21:06.163 --> 00:21:11.742
This is indicative of what it's gonna look like for me in 10, 15, and 20 years.

00:21:11.833 --> 00:21:14.323
so I mentioned like this is.

00:21:14.673 --> 00:21:18.153
Keeping my mind sharp so I can communicate with them how they wanna be communicated with.

00:21:18.393 --> 00:21:23.673
So that may be FaceTime calls, but there also probably will be something new by then.

00:21:23.673 --> 00:21:27.123
Something like Marco Polo or Snapchat, those types of apps.

00:21:27.123 --> 00:21:32.883
But whatever the app is when they are teenagers will be different than what's available now.

00:21:32.932 --> 00:21:37.012
So I need to keep my mind sharp so I can communicate with them.

00:21:37.462 --> 00:21:42.893
I also want to be physically strong, to be able to pick up my luggage and go get on an airplane to go and see them.

00:21:43.343 --> 00:21:50.992
I anticipate that my children will not live close by me, and if I need to go visit them on a plane, I want to be able to do that.

00:21:51.502 --> 00:22:01.171
If they do live close, then I want to be physically strong to climb the bleachers and watch the games, and go to the T-Ball, and go to the volleyball games, and go to the dancing.

00:22:01.171 --> 00:22:01.891
Recitals.

00:22:02.371 --> 00:22:09.570
Being with them and focusing on having a relationship with my grandchildren also tells me my relationship with my children is strong.

00:22:09.570 --> 00:22:12.361
And for all of these same reasons, I'm physically strong.

00:22:12.661 --> 00:22:15.451
I'm mentally strong, I'm present with them.

00:22:15.840 --> 00:22:22.891
I could go on and on more, but see how this one sentence of my why this one thing encompasses.

00:22:23.201 --> 00:22:26.681
My mental, my physical, and even for me, my spiritual health.

00:22:27.131 --> 00:22:36.101
When you find your own, why you will be less likely to rely on your shoulds because you know what you want to do.

00:22:36.161 --> 00:22:40.750
Not out of obligation, but because it's what you truly want to do.

00:22:41.020 --> 00:22:43.810
These things are true to your core.

00:22:44.006 --> 00:22:44.605
Self.

00:22:45.266 --> 00:22:58.286
If at this point you have things you know are truly important to you, but something else is getting in the way of consistency, you might also have to revisit one of the other personality types I identified before.

00:22:58.526 --> 00:22:59.516
So for me.

00:22:59.556 --> 00:23:01.925
I don't tend to be this should person.

00:23:01.925 --> 00:23:10.836
I tend to be pretty clear on my why, but I know that I am a little bit of the, um, idealist planner.

00:23:11.135 --> 00:23:12.516
For sure that's me.

00:23:13.655 --> 00:23:20.615
So I gave you some examples of um, how I'm not that, but that's really just something I am like working on.

00:23:21.395 --> 00:23:28.895
So overall, just remember that many plans are made when we are feeling motivated, but motivation wanes.

00:23:29.280 --> 00:23:31.590
Doesn't really fuel consistency.

00:23:32.070 --> 00:23:39.510
The emotions that fuel consistency for all of these personality types are commitment, confidence and curiosity.

00:23:39.931 --> 00:23:41.701
That's commitment to our why.

00:23:41.820 --> 00:23:48.240
Confidence to carry on even when it's not perfect, and curiosity to figure out why something isn't working.

00:23:48.861 --> 00:23:52.881
These are the emotions to cultivate when you feel like you aren't being consistent.

00:23:53.000 --> 00:24:00.590
And in fact, these are the three big Cs my favorite emotions to cultivate for almost any situation.

00:24:01.161 --> 00:24:10.310
The more consistent you are, even when it's imperfect, not quite as we planned or it's just that very tiny step, the more you'll build self-trust.

00:24:10.760 --> 00:24:13.431
This is when we say, we'll do something.

00:24:13.806 --> 00:24:14.766
And we do.

00:24:15.155 --> 00:24:16.625
It builds our belief.

00:24:16.715 --> 00:24:18.066
And then trust.

00:24:18.306 --> 00:24:28.205
When we constantly break our word to ourselves, often unintentionally, but we do, we are usually the first person we cancel on, it chips away at that belief.

00:24:28.986 --> 00:24:31.685
Self-trust is really, truly like a muscle.

00:24:31.685 --> 00:24:36.306
You build it with these small repetitions, not grand gestures.

00:24:36.455 --> 00:24:40.955
So this week I want you to choose one thing to be consistent with first.

00:24:41.780 --> 00:24:42.800
Start small.

00:24:42.800 --> 00:24:55.701
Even if you're not that go big or go home, girl, I still want you to start small With any of these personality types, starting with a very small goal and getting consistent on that builds that self-trust.

00:24:55.971 --> 00:25:02.780
We start to believe that, hey, we do what we say we're gonna do, and then we can add on from there.

00:25:02.810 --> 00:25:11.010
So Use planning as a tool for confidence, not control over yourself, but just to build confidence and self-trust.

00:25:11.070 --> 00:25:13.711
And then of course, celebrate.

00:25:13.740 --> 00:25:16.800
Celebrate completion, not perfection.

00:25:17.070 --> 00:25:20.070
Celebrate continuing, continuing on.

00:25:20.413 --> 00:25:32.595
Even if it wasn't perfect, if something in today's episode made you think differently or gave you that little nudge that you needed, that's exactly why I do this, and if you're ready to take it further, I'd love to support you.

00:25:32.984 --> 00:25:34.934
Start with a couple of my freebies.

00:25:34.964 --> 00:25:41.414
Number one, if you're considering GLP one medication, I have a brand new GLP one Success Starter kit.

00:25:42.115 --> 00:25:52.075
GLP ones are a great tool to assist you with your weight loss, and so I've developed a program that is specifically for people who are on these medications.

00:25:52.105 --> 00:25:54.505
So check out that success starter kit.

00:25:54.869 --> 00:25:55.529
It's free.

00:25:55.529 --> 00:26:04.619
It'll give you an idea of how I'm gonna coach you and how it might be a little bit different if you maybe have even been a past client or checked me out before, but now you're using medication.

00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:10.740
Um, I have really added that a lot to my repertoire and developed a new coaching program for you.

00:26:11.069 --> 00:26:21.000
If medication is not up your alley, but you notice that you're overeating too many times in a week to see lasting weight loss, then grab my what to do when you overeat course.

00:26:21.115 --> 00:26:29.484
This has a reset and root cover guide and a video series that goes with it and just helps you figure out how to reduce your over eats and not beat yourself up about it.

00:26:29.904 --> 00:26:35.664
Of course, you can also schedule a free consult session to see if my one-on-one coaching programs are right for you.

00:26:36.079 --> 00:26:37.700
All the links are in the show notes.

00:26:37.940 --> 00:26:43.250
Remember, it's not just about the food, it's about empowering yourself with choices that truly serve you.

00:26:43.519 --> 00:26:49.759
Have a great week and as always, thanks for listening and sharing the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.