Midlife Mastery: Empowering Thought Patterns for a Regret-Proof Life with Master Coach Suzy Rosenstein [Ep. 50]

Lisa: 0:00

This is the eat well think,well,live.Well podcast.I'm Lisa Salsbury.And this is episode50mid-life mastery empowering thought patterns for a regret proof life with Suzy Rosenstein.This episode lies squarely in the LivWell pillar of the podcast.We aren't talking really about weight loss today,directly,but you'll see the way you may be holding yourself back in your midlife years and how that might be affecting your ability to either get started with weight loss or thinking it might be too late,or even that you can't learn a new way at this age.Right in air quotes at this age,you will hear us talking a lot about thoughts that you may be thinking you're not alone.About what is,and is not appropriate at certain ages.And Susie gives you some great ways to break through some of that.She really emphasizes regret proofing your life.So take some time to think about what you truly want and don't let age stand in your way.You're going to love this conversation with Suzy.Welcome to Eat Well,Think Well,Live Well;the podcast for women who want to lose weight,but are tired of counting and calculating all the food.I'm your host,Lisa Salsbury.I'm a certified health and weight loss coach and life coach,and most importantly a recovered chronic dieter.I'll teach you to figure out why you are eating when you aren't hungry,instead of worrying so much about what you are eating.All right.Welcome to the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.I'm excited to have Suzy Rosenstein here.She's a master life coach,midlife mentor,and she was my instructor during the Life Coach school training,so it's so fun to reconnect with her.Hello,Suzy.How are you today?

Suzy: 1:50

Oh,that's so fun that you mentioned that.And it's an absolute delight to be here with you today to talk about midlife.It's amazing.

Lisa: 2:00

Yes.So many I think of my listeners are in this stage or we are approaching it.We're wondering about it.I was telling Suzy,I recently did an interview with a menopause doctor.If you have not listened to that,it's primarily medical more about hormone replacement therapy and the interventions you can do medically,and so I thought this would be a perfect.Companion to that episode with Suzy because she talks about the midlife,what is happening in our lives.It's sort of separate,but kind of a alongside what's happening with menopause.So we're not really gonna be talking about the medical side of menopause that's happening with our bodies,but.What's happening in our lives.That's where she really excels,is in,in this midlife.So we're just gonna jump right in.What are some of the biggest challenges you see with your clients or with women that are approaching this age or within this midlife age?

Suzy: 3:03

Well,what typically happens is that it feels like.It's just happening immediately.Like there was no warning,which is really kind of funny.So it's like we've had a lot of time to get ready for midlife,but for some reason we,it usually we get a bit of a shock because of,um,a wake up call or,or,um,Somebody's retiring that we know,or a milestone birthday.Oh my God,I'm turning50.When,when did that happen?How did that happen?You know,we've had lots of time to get ready,you know,or a kid goes to university or,or maybe somebody gets a scary diagnosis in your family or you have,you know,something scary to deal with or,or you know,you have to start taking care of your parents.There's so many things that can go on in midlife and what tends to happen is it's kind of,um,A surprise.It can be a surprise to many people.Kind of like menopause,you know?And definitely we're not gonna talk about anything medical,but um,it's an area I interview so many people,I.So many midlife women,and I've been doing this for almost10years now,and so many of us just aren't aware of what the heck is going on like,

Lisa: 4:18

Mm-hmm.

Suzy: 4:19

and it,it's so interesting because it reminds me of breastfeeding back in the day,like we all knew about pregnancy,what to expect when you're expecting.That book was really popular.But you know what's really happening with breastfeeding,it was a bit of a surprise.I remember having a thought that my kid was a,a barracuda,like,what is going on here?Nobody told me any of this.And I think it's kind of like that with midlife too.It's for some reason it's a bit of a surprise now.There are all kinds of reasons I mentioned wake up calls.It's also kind of like we've been so used to taking care of other people.That we're just kind of like,whoa,something's different.Maybe I'm not happy in my job anymore,or a kid is left,or all the kids have left,or there's a change in your relationships.And that can happen with your inner circle relationships.That's what I call them.Like,you know,maybe your partner,spouse,uh,some of the people that are really close in your life,but also your friends.There are changes everywhere and I just think a lot of people are kind of surprised that they're not that prepared.And so to even recognize what's going on,I wasn't prepared.I found like what got me kind of aware was that I was unhappy at my work and I was always very satisfied in my job.I was in my career for27years in health education,health promotion,addiction,mental health,that kind of stuff.And I was very content.The last job I had was a19year job,and around year1415,I started to get a weird feeling that I just wasn't content and I didn't know what was going on.Well,what do you know?I was45to50In those years,I.And it just started to like,it was kind of like a whisper.Some boredom.I felt stagnant.Is there more?Is this all there is?Those kinds of questions started to come up and I didn't have the larger context and I wasn't prepared.It was a bit of a surprise.That's what happened to me.But I think that's really it.We're very busy building families,uh,careers,raising kids transitions,taking care of people.Very,very busy in that20to40typical age range or20to50,and then boom,things do change to some degree.Does that make sense?

Lisa OD: 6:39

Yeah,I,and I think too,for me,in this mid lifetime,There's just so many different things happening when all the kids were at home.I have four children and when they were all at home,it was a little bit more regular,even though it was crazy with having,you know,I was looking at photos of when my oldest graduated high school,my youngest was still like in grade school,so I had quite a range,so,You know,of course that's a busy time,but now it's like half of'em are in college,one just graduated.We're going to get her ready.We've got one left at home and I'm taking care of my mom

Lisa: 7:16

So as the children have left,the care for my mom has increased.Not daily or anything,but just,you know,managing her medical appointments and.I won't go into all,you know,the,the things that I do there,but it's just been steadily increasing.The responsibilities there as my responsibilities with my children at home have decreased,and so the care has just sh shifted where my time is spent,and I feel like there's a little bit also of.I don't know who I am anymore if I'm not a mom.That is like a stay-at-home mom,taking care of kids,managing the schedules,doing the birthday parties,all of those things that I was very good at that it's like I don't,I.Sometimes know how to be a,a parent to adult children.I don't know how to be the,the a child to an adult parent who needs assistance.Like I,I mess that up all the time with her all the

Suzy: 8:16

Oh,you really said that.Well,yeah,it's like an identity crisis.And so a lot of times people,you know,especially when we grew up,I'll be60this summer,so when I grew up it was70sitcom Heaven,Brady Bunch,you know,and all in the family and all those shows,and we had a very classic idea of what our role was as a mother.And I don't know,you know,we all have influences from different places,but it's pretty typical that a lot of people who grew up in upper middle class,middle class North America,um,grew up with a lot of these similar influences.And so it's just,we have these ideas of what it is that we're who we are,but we don't really.Have a chance to,even though we have plenty of chance to,but we don't,it doesn't feel like it.To think about who we want to be.

Lisa: 9:04

Mm-hmm.

Suzy: 9:05

And the person I am is that the person that I wanna be,does it fit me anymore?So I just always think about the Brady Bunch and maybe that isn't the best,um,example,I don't know if your listeners can relate to the Brady Bunch,but that had a huge influence on my life and,and that really,uh,it's funny because my family situation wasn't normal either,

Lisa: 9:27

the Brady Bunch is interesting because we act like it's this perfect family,but that was a blended family,

Suzy: 9:32

Yeah,it was a blended

Lisa: 9:33

you know?

Suzy: 9:34

But it was a work.It was working well.

Lisa: 9:36

yeah,yeah,it was like this ideal blended family.But this is where,and,and again,we're not gonna get into the hormones today,but all of this is happening and you're dealing with the hormone issue.Like,and you're,you're dealing with all of this stress,which for my listeners often goes to overeating.We wanna compensate with food,and so we're having all this happening in our life,and then our body is not doing what we think it should be doing.And I think that's just one more layer that's happening.

Suzy: 10:11

Yeah,and I forgot to mention a big layer and it,it has to do with aging and this idea that we're running out of time.So as we age and.Hit some of these milestones and some of these wake up calls happen.There's a lot of that kind of thinking,like even though time is not going any faster than it ever did,and we've been aging since,you know,from the beginning since we were babies,um,we didn't think about it the same way.But now there's a huge realization that time is flying by,that life is flying by and we start to think about having regrets.And it,I felt actually a little panicky too.The night of,uh,the night before my first kid went to university is when I,I really felt panicky.Like it wasn't a panic attack,but I felt panicky and the thought was,did I teach him everything he needed to know,like,where did the time go?Does he know how to cook five recipes?Does he know how to.You know,take care of himself and,and be a,a decent human being in all of these situations.And I came up with mm-hmm.So many of them.And the one thing,the one thing I didn't even worry about,which is I should have worried about it,is an understanding of,what I thought was an appropriate expectation for communication once they left.

Lisa: 11:22

Yeah,we,we'd struggle with that as well.

Suzy: 11:25

I didn't bother mentioning that one until I saw a picture of,um,an injury he had.He was a cheerleader and,and he had an injury and ended up going to emerge and one of his friends posted a picture online and that's how I saw it on Facebook.And I'm like,what?He didn't call when he had to go to a emerge.I think.I think we have to have a little,yeah.So it is a very jarring time in life and mm-hmm.The other thing that's kind of going on is that we,many of us like to think that we're kind of cool about aging,we're often not as cool as we think we are.Like as comfortable,uh,with some of the issues,even know what all the issues are and weight gain.In menopause and the type of issues that you're dealing with head on.I'm dealing with them too,but mine are in,uh,you know,dealing with a lot of things about identity,

Lisa: 12:20

With your clients,you mean?

Suzy: 12:21

Yeah,with my clients,I'm sorry.And yeah,but in,in menopause it's very confusing.We don't like the things we used to do that used to work to lose little weight.Don't seem to work anymore.It's very confusing,you know,if we wanted to lose five pounds before a vacation,Back in the day,we could,we had a few tricks up our sleeve.We could usually figure it out.And now I,I'm hearing all the time,and personally it's just confusing.The same things don't,don't tend to work anymore.So there's a lot about midlife that is,it can be very confusing and most of us.Maybe I can't say most cuz I don't know if it's most or not many of us,many of us think about what we can't do instead of what we can do.And that's the other,uh,perspective shift where there's so much potential because there are so many things that we can do when we,you know,get more comfortable with who,the idea of who we wanna be and what we're capable of.

Lisa: 13:22

Yeah,That really speaks to what I wanted to ask you about some of the most common thought patterns that you're hearing because both Suzy and I are life coach school coaches,so we do really emphasize the thought patterns that are happening for our clients.And so I'm sure you hear a lot of the of similar thought patterns in this midlife with your clients.And so it sounds like that's one of'em is.A lot of what you're not able to do,can't thoughts,but what,what else do you see happening that you might notice if,you know,listeners are like,oh yeah,that's happening to me too.And of course,just so you know,we'll get to the solutions here in a minute.But,but what do you notice,uh,are,you know,common things that are happening?

Suzy: 14:09

Well,a couple of things.One thought that comes up all the time is I'm too busy and I'm too busy to take care of myself,is really the way it comes up.So it comes up with weight loss,it comes up with movement,it comes up with sleep,it comes up with drinking too much water.Sometimes you don't even go to the bathroom when you need to go because it just,it's,I'm too busy.Um,embarrassingly I ended up doing a podcast about my worst mommy moment.So this happened before menopause,but clearly thinking I'm too busy was a pattern for me for a long time.One time we had a,a ripe mango on the counter and a ripe avocado.There was a bowl of fruit.And you know,when there's a mango and an avocado,we're on watch.We're on high alert.When's it gonna be ripe?When's it time to eat those?And one of my,my youngest son,I have three boys,they're all in their twenties now,and one of them,uh,the youngest one must have been around eight or nine at the time.And he's like,mommy,can you cut me a mango?I love mangoes.Can you cut me a mango?And I remember standing there at the island and saying to him,I'm too busy.I'm too busy to cut my kid a piece of fruit that he wants.Now,I didn't realize any of this at the time,but it was through mindfulness training and going through the self coaching and learning a lot over the years that I realized that that's what I thought.And I did not cut him a mango.And it happened several times.So,I find that so sad and,and just such a depiction of what can really be going on in your mind when you are,uh,you know,really thinking about what,what you're doing.And a lot of times it's on autopilot.It's not intentional at all.Uh,but you just don't know what you can do.You just have this idea about what you can't do and that's what you're focusing on.So that's one thought.I'm too busy.The other time that I'm too busy comes up.In a sneaky way is reading books.I've heard so many midlife women,uh,talk about being too busy to read a book The old fashioned way where you sit down,you don't multitask10things and you turn a page and they want

Lisa: 16:24

Okay.Does Kindle count?I l I love reading on my Kindle.

Suzy: 16:28

kind counts.

Lisa: 16:29

Just making

Suzy: 16:30

au audible's interesting because when you listen to a book on tape or a book on whatever,audible on an app,You can multitask and multitasking is not great.Not great.And what your brain's actually doing is something that they call switch tasking,which isn't efficient.It keeps you at the superficial level.It's just not,not great.And without going deep into that,just,it's just really not great.You can look it up and find all kinds of,uh,research,um,studies and YouTube things about why it's really not,uh,you're not really getting more done and you're not being with your time.

Lisa: 17:06

I gotta,so I gotta push a little bit on that.So I tend to listen to,I,I do actually love an audiobook.I tend to listen when I'm doing what I consider mindless tasks like folding laundry,ironing,um,driving,maybe that's not very mindless.Um,S walking when I'm out on a walk.So is that considered task switching or is it only like,sometimes I'll also listen when I'm cooking and I'm not very efficient there if I'm trying to also look at a recipe and then listen to the book.But if I'm just like chopping and stuff,so like if I'm doing a physical task like that,is that task switching as well?

Suzy: 17:45

Well,it's a good,it's a good question,and,and I don't actually know which tasks are considered,that would get in the way and which aren't,I don't know that answer,but I would offer you,this is why aren't you in the present moment and do you like your reasons?Right?So like you,I

Lisa: 17:59

I hate laundry.

Suzy: 18:01

Well,right.And I'll also do,I love listening to books when I'm putting on makeup or and podcasts.Like that's something I do.And I do find it doesn't get in the way and also with driving,but why am I not in the present moment?And I think that's the more interesting question,right?Yeah.Like is it because you have a thought that you're not being productive?And that's the next thought I wanted to talk to you about,because.We have this idea that we need to be uber,uber productive at all times,and we define what that means,and we don't tend to put things like taking care of ourselves the way we want to on purpose as being productive,right?You have to really think about how you being productive.

Lisa: 18:40

Totally.And I,I just have to say that is such an issue with my clients.I didn't,I didn't take the time to even write down my food today.I didn't have time.I'm like,I just keep hearing things even though we're not strictly talking about weight loss today or really,uh,almost at all.My clients are always telling me I'm too busy.I don't have time to plan meals.Uh,another big one.With,I can think of a few clients.I'm too busy with the kids to exercise.There's too much to do.but they take'em to their sports classes,they take'em to their gymnastics,they all of that.But I don't have time for me.And so yeah,this self-care piece,whether it's,like you said,the movement or fixing proper meals for yourself,it is really an issue in this time of life,I think.

Suzy: 19:33

I agree.I agree.And it comes up all the time with my clients too.And then,you know what's kind of related to that is.The understanding of commitment.So when you commit to yourself,it tends to be different than when you commit to somebody else.So an external commitment is typically easier to,uh,honor than a commitment that you make to yourself privately.And it's really interesting about that one because.if you say,like,if you're working with people or if somebody has a goal to lose a couple pounds or to eat more fruit or to drink more water or whatever,they tend to make that kind of commitment in a lighter way,in a way that opens the door to drama.I,I literally think of a door,if you committed to yourself the way that you've,um,that you really mean it.You can tell very simply,if you think about something you would never miss in a million years.So my example always is if I told somebody I would pick them up at the airport.This was even before cell phones.Just think about that.Somebody goes away for a week or two and you're like,yeah,I'll pick you up.No problem.It could be a kid.It could be a parent,it could be your best friend.I'm gonna pick you up at the airport.What's the likelihood that you're not gonna do that?

Lisa: 20:49

Not at all.Like,of course you're going

Suzy: 20:51

Right.You're gonna do it.What's the likelihood that you're going to write down dinner tonight?If you've said you're going to,it's,it's,the door is open a little bit for a negotiation.Mm-hmm.And that's a,a little bit less commitment,but I.If it sounds like commitment when you first talk about it,and it's like that with everything.So what we're really talking about with self-care is your ability to,you know,decide what you want for yourself,how you wanna take care of yourself,and how you're going to honor that commitment to yourself.And if that is shaky,you know,an expression that is used a lot is then you don't have your own back.You're not looking after yourself in the way that you really want to.There's a disconnect.There's a disconnect.So again,when,when you're not really sure and you haven't given careful thought to what kind of a woman you wanna become,do you wanna be a woman who honors commitments to herself in the same way that you honor getting to a doctor appointment on time or picking up somebody at the airport?And if the answer is yes,but you're not doing it,then there's a little bit of work that you can do there.That type of issue is something that's very common,um,to work on with the women over50that I work with every day.

Lisa: 22:03

Yes.I love talking about commitment and it's something definitely that my clients really,really need to work on.I always say we are the very first person we're willing to cancel on.

Suzy: 22:16

That's a great way to put it.It's so true.It's so true.And that's not the woman I wanna be,but I fight with her all the time in my mind.

Lisa: 22:25

Yeah,for sure.So what are some of the solutions here?We've talked about a lot of the challenges that we're facing,a lot of the common thought patterns,and I do that too.I want,I wanna normalize that a little bit.Just that,hey,you're not alone out there.If you're having these thoughts,if you're like,I can't figure out how to.Make time for myself and,and I think really one of the challenges is that,Teenagers,I always say this,that toddlers are physically demanding.We're like in there making their food and giving'em baths and getting them to bed.All those like physical tasks and teenagers are very emotionally demanding and I think that can really take a lot more toll on you and they are just so busy.You go from.Once a week.Little classes you've got for your little ones to everyday sports practices for high school.You know,they're daily competitive things that you're in.You're driving all over who knows where for these things,and then the added layer of taking care of your parents

Suzy: 23:28

Yeah,sandwich.You're a big sandwich generation,like what you're explaining and.You're,the thing we haven't talked about is that you're also running a business,and I have this,um,well,I'm starting a second podcast and I'm in the middle of interviewing people for that podcast,and my first podcast is Women in the Middle Loving Life After50.But the second one is Women in the Middle Entrepreneurs.And so it's about the collision.It's where midlife issues.Get in the way of you running your business the way you want to.And I think the example you just shared is a really good one because the emotional part of young adults or almost young adults,it takes time.There's a lot of time for you to put yourself in a place where you're gonna have a conversation at just the right time.It,you know,it's tricky.It can be really tricky.That's,uh,anyway,but you're right.It's different.It's different.But

Lisa: 24:26

because teenagers,they wanna have this conversation at like1115at night.You're like,come in to say goodnight,and then they're like,you know what,I'm Well,yes.This is definitely when I wanna have this conversation all about your boyfriend and when we should talk about anyway,

Suzy: 24:45

That's so funny.

Lisa: 24:47

We,we have all these challenges.Everyone that's listening can see themselves here or they can see it on the horizon.I do have definitely some younger listeners,but what are like some of the,some of the solutions,how do we make this time of life more enjoyable?Because I think that's,Really,a lot of what we want is more joy and peace in our lives.I think one of the,one of the antidotes to busyness is peace,because when I feel busy,I feel like I'm,you know,running on empty and just frazzled like a monkey in my brain.And so for me,the opposite of that is finding more peace and then of course that joy.So how does that look different when we're looking for those kinds of things in midlife?

Suzy: 25:39

I think it all comes down to like boiling it right down to something you can do right away.I always say curiosity and compassion for the win.So if you're more curious,About what's actually possible for you and what you actually want when you haven't thought about it for,uh,you know,in midlife maybe20to30years,you haven't really thought about what do I want?Um,and if you're younger,you may not have thought about it either.Like you may have just gotten sucked into some routine or pattern or direction that you haven't checked in with lately.You haven't checked in with yourself lately about it.So when you're more curious,And more compassionate,less judgmental about yourself and maybe being,uh,being a beginner again in something that you actually wanna learn,but you're too afraid to,to look stupid.I'm taking tap dancing lessons right now.Let me tell you.

Lisa: 26:35

Are you really?

Suzy: 26:36

Let me tell you,I am worried about falling down,down.I was even embarrassed buying the shoes with all the dance moms,and I was so out of sorts.I have three sons.I just haven't been in,in the dance world since I was,uh,I don't know,12,13,14,something very young.Um,my kids just didn't get involved in that sort of thing,so I,I.Didn't go there.I got involved in gymnastics.That's the route they went.You know,so it just,it's so interesting that I even had discomfort,buying shoes,going into a space,trying them on,standing in front of a mirror.There was a little floor there making a sound.It was so public and I was squirming even that being a beginner can,can really get in your way.And a lot of,uh,people have regrets about allowing themselves to be happy to do what it is they really wanna do.So in midlife,For sure,uh,probably throughout your whole life,I think you need to think about what you would actually regret and do something about it.So I call it regret proofing your life.So what do you need to do?What do you need to say?What do you need to try so that,you know,decrease the likelihood that you will have regrets.So with more,um,curiosity,more self-compassion.And then a healthy dose of really focusing on what's possible.And one of the reasons we get into trouble with that is I think the difference between the what and the how.So what you want to do,what you wanna try,who you wanna be,those kinds of questions.It's great to really dive into first and get the foundation and not question it,like really allow yourself to want that.Oh,I wanna be somebody who has a lot of skills in this area,or I wanna be somebody who's well traveled and really has opportunities to do that sort of thing.Or I wanna be somebody Who always makes time for friends,you know,to,to just really think about how you wanna show up with your friendships.So really thinking about whatever it is for you,what's foundational,and then ask yourself in a separate breath,how am I gonna make that happen?What typically happens is we focus on the how,in the same breath as the what and when you start to ask yourself how.You hear all kinds of thoughts.It's too hard.It's gonna cost too much money.Um,I'm never gonna be able to do that.It's a waste of

Lisa: 29:07

busy.

Suzy: 29:08

I'm too busy.What'll people think all that chatter happens when you focus on the how?And I just,I encourage my clients to just focus on what it is you want first,and then think about how separately and allow your brain to go crazy with coming up with solutions when you ask it how it's gonna do something.Because that's a type of thing where you,you spin on it in a very productive way.Like when you're in the shower,you're thinking,how am I gonna solve this problem?And if I know something about women,we are good problem solvers.Wouldn't you agree?

Lisa: 29:41

Yeah,for sure.So when you just make the decision,this is what I'm going to do,then I'll figure out the how.Is that kind of the

Suzy: 29:50

That's kinda it.Yeah.And,and don't rush the what?Like really allow yourself to ruminate on that.Um,and I think envy is a great clue.I have an exercise that I do with my clients about envy,where you invite envy into your life.Like,just allow yourself to notice when you're actually envious.Nobody wants to talk about envy,but allow just,you can

Lisa: 30:13

that we consider that much of like a negative emotion,really,or,or.Actually an emotion that I would call that my clients would call wrong.Right?It's wrong to have certain emotions.Right.But so that's interesting.Tell me more.

Suzy: 30:29

Well,just think about,just,you can even think privately.You don't need to take out a billboard,but just imagine.Let's think,when was I a little bit envious of,of somebody?Was it a thing?Was it somebody who traveled?Was it somebody who,who had flexibility during her day?Um,was it somebody that learned a new skill and let's say she took a class.She was able to do that,or it doesn't just have to be women,but just,um,just notice when you've been a little bit envious and then instead of being hard on yourself because it's bad emotion,you know,or you don't wanna think that,but,um,just be curious.What was it about that situation that I actually wanted?What was it about what I learned about that person that I found fascinating or,you know,felt a little bit envious of?And then notice it and she's like,wow,if that's really what I thought.And that's how it made me feel.What can I do with that nugget of data that I didn't even know I felt,I remember one client was talking once about a vacation that she went on,and then she went to a yoga class while she was on vacation in this beautiful place,and this person had a yoga studio on the beach or on the rocks or something really beautiful.I can't remember exactly but she couldn't get that out of her mind.She really wanted,there was something about it.That's what came up when we were doing this work,that that person figured out a,a job,a place to earn a living in such a beautiful vacation worthy location.

Lisa: 31:56

Mm-hmm.

Suzy: 31:57

And I have also had that feeling.I met somebody recently on vacation.

Lisa: 32:02

wait.Can you tell us the end?What did she do about it?

Suzy: 32:05

Oh,I can tell you the end.She ended up,um,changing her career and focusing on retreats.As a part of her career.

Lisa: 32:15

I love it.

Suzy: 32:16

Yeah,it,it was a beautiful example.Like,but she didn't really know that that's what she was craving.And I had a situation recently where I was on vacation it was a sailing trip and I didn't meet a ton of people cuz there were only like10people on my boat and10people on the sister boat.But one of the people on the,a couple on the other boat,they didn't have a home anymore.They just traveled.Nonstop.They had some stuff in a container somewhere and,and when I heard that story,I was fascinated.I didn't want the whole story,but there was something about being lighter and being able to make decisions quickly,like being unencumbered.There was something about that,which it's fascinating cuz I have pets,I have plants,I have like,I can't imagine myself having that lifestyle.But what can I learn from?That reaction that I had that could just enhance something in my life that I wouldn't normally think about.

Lisa: 33:14

Maybe it's,it's just a little simplification somewhere that you,yeah.Nice.So I love the idea of being more curious.That can help in so many ways.Just I think too,um,as an antidote to the busy,like,get really curious about your schedule.Are all of these things necessary?Are all of these things,things that have to be you?I think that can also be helpful when we get curious about our busyness,and that can increase some of the enjoyment during this time as well.

Suzy: 33:49

You know what's so funny?Lisa is one of my kids.You know,sometimes I'll find myself as a fellow podcaster.I'll find myself saying,Oh,I don't have that next episode done and I'm up against a deadline and whatever.And I've heard my kids say to me,but Mom,it's your podcast.Don't you make up the deadlines,skip one.And I'm like,I can't do that.I'm on episode306,I've never missed one.They're like,but you could do it.I'm like,you're right.I could.So now let me think about why I don't want to,and then do I like my reasons?You know,but they just point out this idea that we can't,that we don't have.Options.When we do,we have more options.I,I call it more wiggle room than we think.If you like your reasons for doing what you're doing,that's one thing,but if,if there's wiggle room and you just haven't noticed it,then there's a lot of room there for possibility.

Lisa: 34:40

Yeah,which really just brings us right back to the beginning of.Really notice those camp thoughts.What are you saying that you can't do?There's so much you can in in this time of life.it's not too late.And I think that's a big message as well.It's not too late to start movement.It's not too late to make a change in your,nutrition,in what you're eating,in your relationships.It's just not too late and.My clients and listeners have heard me say,I'm planning to live to a hundred.that's my goal.So I'm not even halfway.So there's,there's a lot of time left.And if you figure too,the first10or15years of your life,you didn't even really have that many choices being under your parents'roof and you know,being a baby,there's actually a lot more time and decisions to be made during this time of life.

Suzy: 35:33

Yes,but really we have so many ideas about what's appropriate and,and what we should expect from this time of life.I caught myself in the last probably four years.I caught myself thinking two thoughts about aging.That shocked me,really shocked me.One of them,and,and I'm somebody who does this work,and I thought I was pretty cool about my own aging,right?Uh,one of them is when you get a compliment about not looking your age.Think about that.Oh,Suzy,you're gonna be60.You don't look that old.So somebody says that.And then how do you interpret it?Oh,you're gonna be45.You don't look that old.Oh,you're turning50.You look amazing.You don't look your age.Now,would you be happy about a comment like that?

Lisa: 36:19

Typically,I think I,I would be,

Suzy: 36:21

me too.So what?What does that mean?So what I realized it meant for me was,oh,it's better to look younger.

Lisa: 36:30

Oh,okay.I

Suzy: 36:31

Than than looking my age.Right?So what's wrong with your age?What's wrong with looking your age?We have all kinds of thoughts about what's wrong about it.So that one really surprised me because I was really excited when people said I didn't look my age.

Lisa: 36:45

Yeah,

Suzy: 36:46

just something to think about.Does,you know,in our culture,youth is better,

Lisa: 36:51

that's true.

Suzy: 36:52

is better,right?

Lisa: 36:53

I.do get that comment.A lot of times when I tell people,oh,I have two in college,what?You have two in college?Or you what?You have four kids.I think people say it to be nice,but it does feel good.Yeah.And I think that is,that is definitely interesting because the underlying,or maybe what,what I call the parenthetical thought,the,the thought in parentheses underneath that is because looking old is bad.

Suzy: 37:19

Yeah,exactly.And then another one I found recently and I was so embarrassed.I did a podcast about it cuz I thought I'm not the only one who,so I have an amazing friend who's in her early seventies.Creative,talented,does all kinds of amazing things.And she was excited about,um,this news that she was building a new house.And I,first I was very excited and then I noticed a thought,oh.Aren't you too old to build a new house?Are you gonna get your monies worth out of building a new house?Is the market gonna be,you know,serve you if you're this age and building a new house?I had all this stuff going on.When I had another option,just be happy for your friend who's excited.Like she loves her plans.Why are you thinking these things?And it,it's so interesting that as much as I didn't think I had these ideas about what's appropriate at a certain age,once snuck in,I didn't even know.I had no idea that I had a thought like that,and I was so glad I noticed it.I didn't say anything wrong.I didn't put my foot in my mouth.It was all in my head,but it was so good for me to notice that I had those thoughts.Would you,could you see yourself having certain ideas about what people do at certain ages?Mm.

Lisa: 38:36

Yeah,absolutely.For sure.What,what's appropriate or I,I noticed too,what's surprising,I have a group at my church of women that play pickleball and one of the women brought her mom.Um,and we played doubles and I hit kind of a cross court shot,which was what,what I affectionately referred to as unintentionally.Good.I didn't mean for it to be,you know?And,and she goes,you know,she's92,right?Like,whatcha are you doing,trying to make her run for this shot?And.And so my underlying thought is like,how could she possibly be here playing pickleball at92?Like,that's not what she should be doing kind of thing.And at the same time,I'm like,that's absolutely what I want to be doing.

Suzy: 39:24

Right.

Lisa: 39:25

So it,it is interesting how we,we do have thoughts like,oh,how shocking that you can do this.And yet,at the same time,I tell people all the time,well,I wanna make my healthspan match my lifespan,which means being capable and able to do things all the way up till the time that I'm dead,you know?And so I do hope I'm playing pickleball at92.So for me to have a thought,like,what is she doing here is,

Suzy: 39:53

Just good to notice because again,as we age,we've been around longer.And so,uh,when there's just more time for us to have seen things change,uh,women now there are so many more role models for healthy aging.Happy aging,more athleticism later in life.All kinds of things.Science has improved,equipment has improved,sneakers have improved.Like so many things have have changed.But you know,in the seventies when I grew up,it,it was very different and,uh,the role models weren't the same.So we did,you know,have a lot of these attitudes and thoughts that we've been thinking for a long time,let alone what our own grandparents were up to.

Lisa: 40:32

Yeah,and I'll put one more plug in here.Again,not what we're really talking about today,but do do listen to that episode on the hormone replacement therapy because we did talk quite a bit about the hormones,being able to help you maintain your bone and muscle health.And so that can be a real boon to this time as well as far as continuing to stay active.Well,this has been so great.I think we could talk about it all day,to be honest.

Suzy: 41:01

We could for sure.

Lisa: 41:03

But,um,tell people a little bit more about what you do.We didn't do really do an introduction in the beginning,so,let's talk a little bit about what exactly you do.Tell us a little more about your podcast and where people can find you.

Suzy: 41:15

Okay,awesome.Well,I'm basically a midlife.Mindset coach,that's what I do.I help women50plus,uh,learn to love their lives.Again,a lot of my clients are also entrepreneurs and,uh,you know,dealing with this collision course of midlife issues affecting the way you wanna run a business.So those are the women I work with and I love working with them.And I have,uh,do some private coaching and I have a signature program called the Women in the Middle Academy,and it's a lot of fun.To just grow forward and regret proof your life just to get excited about what's possible again.Um,I also have a podcast called The Women in the Middle,and I do have a freebie available.Uh,first of all,to get ahold of me,you can just go to www.suzyrosenstein.com.That's my website,S U Z Y.Rosenstein,R O S E N S T E I n.com,and there's a freebie there called the Get Unstuck in Midlife podcast bundle.It's the top12episodes for my podcast,women in the Middle to help you love your life again.So it's just like a smattering of really popular episodes and it really doesn't matter how old you are,but the examples that I use when I talk are from.You know,midlife types of examples,but it doesn't matter how old you are,you get something from the podcast and you'll laugh.There's always that.So to get that free,you can just go to www.Suzyrosenstein.com/podcast-bundle.

Lisa: 42:38

Okay.And of course we'll put all of that in in the show notes.And if you've ever been to the Museum of Modern Art,You may have seen,I'll always remember this,that you told us this story in coach training.You may have seen a display.Tell us just real quick about that.Cause I think it's fascinating.

Suzy: 42:57

Oh my gosh.Okay,thank you for,I can't believe you remembered that one of the craziest things that ever happened in my life that I couldn't even imagine possible happened after I was50and I just had a little Etsy store and,uh,kind of an on the side hobby.I made this hair accessory for Jewish women.Called a kippah.A kippah,a head covering for Jewish women.And some Jewish women like to wear this sort of thing at at special events or when they're in the synagogue.You know,it was a very niche kind of thing,but it gave me an excuse to buy beads.So,I mean,who doesn't like to?Who doesn't like to buy be?So it's like a weed,a,a,a wo,a beaded wire,um,hair accessory.Anyway,I was minding my own business on Etsy and one day checking my email and I got a request from the Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan.They were doing an amazing exhibit in,this was in2017,uh,called items is fashion modern,and the exhibit had identified111categories of fashion and fashion accessories.So things like a strand of pearls,a little black dress,and they had,one of the categories was a kippa and mine was one of10,the only one for women,and the only one that was decorative like that,that was featured.At MoMA for four months in late2017,early2018,and it was the most shocking thing that has ever happened in my life.I couldn't have imagined it.And I use this example to just remind you that amazing things can still happen in your life that you don't expect and that you don't think are possible.You just never know.It was a crazy,it was a crazy thing.

Lisa: 44:43

Yep.You just never know.And that was in midlife.So,

Suzy: 44:47

It sure was.

Lisa: 44:48

much good stuff to come for us.Thank you so much,Suzy.

Suzy: 44:51

Thanks for having me,Lisa.It was a lot of fun.

Lisa OD: 44:54

Thanks again to Susie,my mentor and teacher,I had a lot of fun reconnecting with her and her laugh is just infectious for me.So do grab her freebie.That link is in the show notes.And then if you're ready to get some personalized help from me,be sure to schedule a free strategy session and we can work on your health and weight loss and getting you into the best health of your life to help you live many,many more years,and really make your health span,match your lifespan.

Lisa: 45:23

I don't want you to regret,not getting to the point you want to,so you can eventually.Keep up with your grandchildren or travel the world.Or wherever your dreams take you Link for that is in the show notes.And I will talk to you soon.